The Dirty Little Secret About Shuttle Train Service . . .

. . . is that it’s the most uninspiring form of subway transportation. So of course it only deserves a “C”:

Commuters on the three-stop Franklin Ave. Shuttle gave it a C grade for the second year in a row, according to the Transit Authority’s second annual Rider Report Card survey.

Riders’ biggest gripes: long delays and unreasonable waiting times.

“At night, the wait time is about 20 minutes at like 2 o’clock in the morning,” said Sara Shae, 22, of Prospect Heights, who relies on the shuttle to travel from the Park Place station to Manhattan.

“I don’t mind waiting, but I do mind feeling unsafe waiting by myself,” Shae said.

“After 20 minutes, I’ll get on, and [the train will] just sit there for another 10 minutes, waiting to fill up.”

See Also: “A Gentleman’s C”.

Location Scout: Franklin Avenue Shuttle.

“We Came In And Said We Can Do Anything We Want”

The Daily News declares open season on the vestigial (“not much more than figureheads”) Office of the Borough President — all of them.

In addition to U.S. Senate aspirations, Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer has two chauffeurs:

“It’s true that the office had changed,” he said. “There’s no Board of Estimate anymore. We came in and said we can do anything we want.”

So, Stringer said, he created a policy unit and hired experts to research problems and develop solutions in Manhattan.

He employs 57 people, the smallest staff among the borough presidents, and has an overall budget of $46 million. The bulk of that — $42 million — is capital funding he directs to city agencies for specific projects.

Stringer was planning to spend $1.5 million of those funds on interior renovations at his 1 Centre St. office, but scrapped the plan last fall “given the state of the economy,” spokesman Dick Riley said.

Stringer uses his $4 million operating budget to randomly distribute 200,000 newsletters in December and May each year. The newsletters prominently feature his photograph.

His office also bought two Kobra 400 shredders for $4,477.70 last June “to replace the malfunctioning ones that were in the office,” Riley said.

Riley said the shredders are used on “investment memos and confidential employee or constituent information as it becomes outdated.”

Stringer’s office pays two chauffeurs a combined salary of $115,000. Only Brooklyn has more.

Meanwhile, Marty “Fugheddaboudit” Markowitz has three chauffeurs:

Borough president Marty Markowitz is known for putting on a show, so maybe that’s why he spent $38,000 on a tricked-out SUV and pays three drivers to cart him around Brooklyn.

His brand-new $38,705 black Toyota Highlander Hybrid comes with four-wheel drive, a touchscreen navigational system, heated seats, a power tilt/slide moonroof, running boards and “VIP glass breakage sensors.”

It is one of nine taxpayer-funded vehicles in his office. The drivers all work full time and earn between $37,000 and $67,000 a year.

Staten Island Borough President James Molinaro dispenses with the chauffeurs and goes straight for the helicopter.

As a point of reference, the combined $450 million borough president slush fund* is larger than the 2008-09 City of Buffalo budget ($435 million).

*Yes, $42 million out of Scott Stringer’s $46 million goes towards capital projects like building parks — but what’s wrong with a legislative body deciding which parks to build? Why give one person the ability to raise his or her profile with major projects?

Weiner Is Basically An Idiot

Not only is he carrying water for the modeling industry by outsourcing jobs to foreigners (what, US citizens aren’t weirdly lanky enough for you?) but he’s taking money from them as well:

After he proposed to expand the visas available to foreign models so they can work in New York, Rep. Anthony Weiner’s mayoral campaign took contributions from some cat walkers from abroad.

Problem is, the models aren’t allowed to donate because they’re not US citizens or permanent resi dents.

The models involved have graced the pages of Sports Illustrated and posed for Victoria’s Se cret lingerie. One was deported for an air-rage incident in which she hit a flight attendant.

Two of the models — Brazilian-born Thalita De Oliveira and Canadian Jessica Stam — are here on work visas, and do not have green cards or US citizenship, their agents said. De Oliveira gave Weiner’s campaign $500, and Stam donated $600, according to Campaign Finance Board records.

And yet, despite all the unrelenting best efforts of the Wolfson dirt machine, I will still vote for Weiner.

You Would Think He’d Try To Keep A Low Profile

That, and cabbies, one thing you need to understand before ever getting behind the wheel is that in general chicks don’t dig hacks, which means no flirting and definitely no forcing yourself upon them when they’re trying to get home after a night out:

A cabbie arrested last year in a bizarre child abandonment scheme is in trouble again, accused of molesting a passenger.

Klever Sailema is being hunted by cops after a 23-year-old woman reported he picked her up in Astoria on Sunday, drove her to another spot in Queens and attacked her.

The victim had been drinking at a bar and passed out in the livery cab.

“She kinda wakes up and finds him on top of her,” a police source said, adding that her pants were pulled down. “She fought him off and got away.”

She hailed a second cab, which took her home. She then called police and went to a hospital.

Sailema claims the contact was consensual, said Fernando Mateo of the NYS Federation of Taxi Drivers, who spoke to him.

“He’s afraid. He doesn’t understand why he’s being charged,” Mateo said. “According to him, she was drunk. He doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong.”

He said Sailema told him the woman was “leading him on” — then threw his keys out of the car and snatched his taxi papers when he went to retrieve them.

Recycling The Same Tired Ideas

Two things. One, don’t believe their lies:

A group lobbying against an expansion of the state’s bottle bill is going on the air with the ad below.

The group of bottlers — called New Yorkers for Real Recycling Reform — said in a press release that the ad will air in the Capital Region and around the state starting this week. The message is that an expansion of the bottle bill to include water and juice in addition to beer and soda would make those drinks more costly for consumers.

Jon Pierce, a spokesman for the group, said they will spend in the “mid-six figures” to put the air on cable and broadcast T.V. in Buffalo, Syracuse, Albany and maybe New York City.

Bottlers don’t want this because the unclaimed deposit money will go to the state instead of staying in their grubby mitts — the governor knows, just as the bottlers already know*, that all those cans you just throw into the recycling are a nice source of income.

But two, there is no need for a bottle deposit when the City forces you to recycle in the first place, and puts pressure on you via stiff fines handed out by sometimes rather overzealous garbage cops. So clearly the point of bottle deposits is to raise money, first by the bottling industry (huge scam) and now by the state (huger scam). Screw both of them.

*Dude, if Catsimatidis ran for mayor I would support him on this issue alone — and the mayor has nothing to do with recycling deposits!