Charlton Heston Smiles From Heaven

Wow, it goes from beleaguered dog owner to full-blown Charles Bronson in just five paragraphs:

She never had a chance.

A vicious pit bull belonging to Japanese hip-hop star DJ Honda made mincemeat of a fluffy Yorkshire terrier owned by a celebrity facialist when the pooches squared off on the Lower East Side.

The brutal attack — which left the smaller dog needing her face sewn back together — is part of a pattern of bullying by the musician’s three nasty canines, residents said yesterday.

The pit bull, Boss, was walking off his leash on Orchard Street the evening of April 3 when he pounced on Christine Chin’s 12-pound pooch, Bebe.

“My pet was almost shredded to pieces,” Chin said. “I feel so bullied and so helpless. I said to my husband, ‘Should we get a gun now?'”

But unless you’re a celebrity I think it’s supposed to be kind of difficult to get permission to carry a weapon around with you.

Another Answer To The Eternal Mystery Of How Young Hipsters Afford To Live The Lifestyle They Live In New York City

They grift! Or as Kari Ferrell might explain it had you run into her, “I want you to throw a hot dog down my hall”:

It’s likely that when Kari Ferrell walked into the Vice magazine offices in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, last month to interview for an administrative assistant job, they thought they’d hit the jackpot. Ms. Ferrell — petite, 22 years old, of Korean heritage — had a huge tattoo of a dragon across her chest and a cute pixie haircut. She was talkative, funny, charming, adorable. She had a tattoo on her back that read “I Love Beards.” She told them she’d been working for the New York office of the concert promotion company GoldenVoice, which puts on huge rock festivals like Coachella near Palm Springs, Calif., and that she’d moved to New York from Utah just a few months earlier. They hired her on the spot.

A few days later, one of Ms. Ferrell’s new colleagues came by her desk. “I said, ‘Excuse me, miss, is [her boss] downstairs?'” the 29-year-old told The Observer. “She thought that was very polite that I said, ‘Excuse me, miss,’ and after that she started talking to me, instant-messaging me. She asked if I was from the South. I told her no. It escalated from there.”

Within the space of a half-hour, Ms. Ferrell was peppering him with questions about his sexual history — how many women he’d slept with and so on. “She was coming on to me, and I was super into it for the first part of it,” he said. “I realized I could have fun after work — but then I was like, ‘Let me check this girl out.'” He Googled her. Up popped a photo of his flirtatious new co-worker on the Salt Lake City Police Department’s Most Wanted list, wanted on five different warrants, including passing $60,000 in bad checks, forgery and retail theft.

In Vigilante Delicto

I thought stuff like this only happened in Philly:

A convicted child molester was found naked and bleeding behind a Brooklyn building — a victim of sexual self-mutilation, police sources said.

“How he did it? Limber, I guess. Not the work of a sane mind,” a police source said.

Sources said that Damiene Iriarte, 26, was found in Fort Greene with the tip of his penis bitten off. He was taken to Brooklyn Hospital Center.

Iriarte was arrested in Suffolk County in 2003 and charged with raping a 13-year-old girl, according to court records.

Citi Field Opens!

Mets Disappoint!:

For a night, Queens was the hot spot in town and New York glowed orange and blue. The Mets, not the Yankees, opened their gleaming new ballpark first, and Citi Field was primped and primed for the occasion, as if it were preparing for a date. Monday was Citi Field’s night to shine, and the Mets, after two rehearsals and a week on the road, were eager to show it off.

Reality soon intruded, however, and the Mets bumbled their way to a 6-5 loss to San Diego, the game turning for the second straight day on an outfield mishap. Long after Mike Pelfrey got his cleat stuck in the dirt, falling off the mound, and Jose Reyes slid past second base, Ryan Church misplayed Luis Rodriguez’s sixth-inning fly ball into a three-base error.

Almost fittingly, Pedro Feliciano balked in the eventual winning run, and the Mets’ final 10 hitters went down in order. In a somewhat comical twist, two of their bullpen castoffs — Duaner Sanchez and Heath Bell — closed out San Diego’s win.

. . .

After throwing out the final pitch at Shea on Sept. 28, Tom Seaver and Mike Piazza left through the center-field gate. They entered Citi Field with their arms locked, chatting and waving on the long, slow walk toward the mound.

Nervous he would bounce the pitch, Seaver threw a strike. A few minutes later, at 7:11 p.m., Pelfrey threw a first-pitch strike to Jody Gerut. The next strike he threw landed in the right-field stands, Gerut hooking a 1-1 pitch inside the foul pole for the first regular-season homer at Citi Field.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Gerut is the first player to lead off a game with a homer in the first game at a new stadium.

Location Scout: Citi Field.

Wolfson Texts Him Afterwards, “I Don’t Know How To Break This To You, But You Sound Like A Real Prick When You Suck Up To Rich People”

The Times’ David Chen is on a tear (“Declaring that ‘we love the rich people,’ Mr. Bloomberg has opposed capping executive pay, increasing the capital gains tax or raising income taxes on the wealthy”), and Michael Barbaro joins in:

Want to stay safe in New York City? If Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s theory is right, you may want to surround yourself with readers of The Wall Street Journal.

During a television interview about gun control on Monday, Mr. Bloomberg suggested that the titans of American capitalism who subscribe to the newspaper are simply not the homicidal kind.

“I don’t know how to break this to you,” he told CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, “but people that go out and murder people don’t read The Wall Street Journal.”

The claim drew consternation from criminologists, who quickly ticked off a long list of financiers — and presumptive Wall Street Journal readers — who have, in fact, murdered people.

Take the case of Scott Schneiderman, a failed stockbroker in New York who was convicted in the 1997 murder of a police officer after a botched robbery.

Or Richard Robert Russo, a senior vice president at Smith Barney in California, who killed his wife after discovering she was having an affair.

Or Joseph H. Ludlam Jr., a fired stockbroker in Virginia, who shot his former boss at work.

Don’t forget Clyde Haberman, either: “[L]et’s review Mr. Bloomberg’s habit of resorting to self-serving expediency while calling it pragmatism.”

So, yes, even though the New York Times op-ed board shamefully rolled over for Bloomberg, at least some of the people actually reporting the news, or writing for the paper, haven’t.