Backpacking All The Way To The Upper East Side

. . . but someone should tell them that there are easier ways to wash a pair of socks. I can’t imagine the response to hearing about Bloomberg or de Blasio saying this, but if you squint maybe you’ll see a couple of child-free manic pixie progressive dream sprites doomscrolling the Neorest IG feed and it becomes a little less weird to visualize:

The socialist mayor is planning for another type of movement.

Mayor Zohran Mamdani and the city’s first lady Rama Duwaji officially moved into Gracie Mansion on Monday — and were flush with ideas about the 227-year-old mayoral residence’s bathrooms.

“One thing that we will change is we will be installing a few bidets into Gracie Mansion,” Mamdani said outside the Upper East Side landmark.

“That’s an aspirational hope. We’ll see if we can actually get it done.”

But besides acquiring fancy new piece of plumbing with which to wash his privates, “the unapologetic progressive Mamdani promised not to let the stately surroundings change him” — which means he’ll continue to make it as difficult as possible for his security detail as he chooses the most logistically challenging ways to get to City Hall and communicate in that stilted adverb- and adjective-laden Class President style of speaking that’s impossible not to notice:

Hizzoner said he’ll continue to take the subway, ride the bus and get on city bikes to commute from his new digs in Carl Schurz Park, at East End Avenue and 88th Street in Yorkville.

“While there is no security deposit being put down today, Rama and I intend to strive each day to be the best possible custodians of this beautiful home, because we know that we are only its temporary occupants,” he said.

“That doesn’t just mean a new coat of paint. It also means being intentional about how this historic property represents the civic fabric of the city, being thoughtful about how we steward the space and opening it up to New Yorkers who are not often the ones who get to visit such a place as this.”