Ladies And Gentlemen, Please Give A Warm Round Of Applause For Haftorah Reader Jack Benny!

But it’s still unclear whether even the performance will have enough for a minyan:

Impressive, those names in the sanctuary of the little synagogue on West 47th Street in Manhattan: Joe E. Lewis and Sophie Tucker on the stained-glass windows, Jack Benny on a plaque in the rear. The names tell you why, in its golden age, this synagogue became known as the Actors’ Temple. They also tell you something about when that golden age was.

Recently — say, oh, during the last half-century — this temple, with a declining membership and a vanishing budget, has not been doing so well. So starting with an official opening night tomorrow, the Actors’ Temple, for the first time in its 89-year history, will be moonlighting as an Off Broadway theater.

. . .

The temple was a tough sell, with restrictions over and above the usual constraints of a small theater. Sets need to be flexible enough so they don’t interfere with services; food taken into the temple must be kosher; and shows must go dark on Friday evenings and Saturday mornings. (The Saturday matinee is a sore point at the temple, but sometimes you’ve got to give an inch.) Holidays are booked, too, of course.

“You can’t move Yom Kippur because you have a show on,” Mr. Kifferstein said.

Board members talked with the producers of “A Jew Grows in Brooklyn,” a nostalgic comedy that seemed like just the thing, but negotiations broke down, and that show went to the 37 Arts, an Off Broadway theater on West 37th Street.

This Still Doesn’t Answer The Question Of Why Someone Would Stop In Scranton

Scranton, PA just sounds like the kind of place a major art heist would take place:

A painting by Goya was stolen on its way from the collection of the Toledo Museum of Art in Ohio to a major exhibition that opens on Friday at the Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, the two institutions announced yesterday.

The museums said in a statement that the 1778 painting, “Children With a Cart,” was stolen in the vicinity of Scranton, Pa., while in the care of a professional art transporter. They said the theft was discovered last week but refused to provide additional details on the crime. Officials at both museums said the F.B.I. was investigating the case and had warned them that releasing additional information might jeopardize the inquiry.

The painting was to be included in “Spanish Painting From El Greco to Picasso: Time, Truth and History,” a sprawling exhibition of some 135 paintings by Spanish masters.

I’d Use The Words “Meta” And “Ironic” If I Could Only Remember What They Meant

And we’d watch but the infinity mirror started to hurt our head too much:

The Burg is a single-camera scripted series filmed mostly inside this apartment and on a few street corners around the block. The episodes, ranging from one to 15 minutes in length, can be viewed at www.theburg.tv or downloaded through iTunes. Or observed in real time at any number of stops along the L train.

“The thing about Williamsburg,” said Kelli Giddish, a blond aspiring actress who plays a blond aspiring actress on the show, “is all the ugly people are trying to look pretty and all the pretty people are trying to look ugly.” She paused to let the observation sink in, then pulled a faded white satin nightshirt over her starlet-thin frame, belted it up tight with an oversized tan suede sash, topped it off with a white crocheted shawl and pronounced the new look “Granny Chic.” Several of her co-stars applauded.

The Burg is about the precious scenesters of Metropolitan Avenue and the silly things they do to be cool. Ms. Giddish has another soap job, on actual television, playing a onetime stripper named Di Kirby on ABC’s All My Children. On the Web, she plays Courtney, a sporadically anti-capitalist ditz.

Courtney’s friends in the Burg are more of the same: Spring, played by Lindsey Broad, is a youthful brunette who cares about the environment and wants to break her generation’s credit cycle. Jed, played by Bob McClure, wears thick black plastic glasses and forcibly prevents his friends from drinking anything other than Pabst. Xander, played by Matt Yeager, is a starving artist with a huge inheritance.

In place of holding steady jobs or contributing to the local economy, Spring, Xander and the gang spend their days coordinating their American Apparel leggings and their thrift-store cowboy boots with 18 plastic bracelets and two vinyl headbands from junior high. Their days are occupied with chemical boycotts, bike trips to Astoria, auditions for independent films and hours spent cursing gentrification and analyzing the complicated etiquette of modern bohemia.

It’s like Rent, only instead of AIDS, some of them have trust funds.

It’s Hard Out There For An Executive Director Of An Arts Organization In East Tremont

It’s hard out there for an arts organization when prostitutes mistake your donors for johns:

The Bronx River Art Center tries to escape its noisy urban surroundings by facing the lush, green riverfront.

But it can’t escape the drug dealers, prostitutes, pimps and petty criminals who camp in front of its doors.

Visitors’ vehicles have been vandalized. Potential donors have been propositioned by prostitutes, and the number of parents bringing their children to free art classes is down in recent months, according to the staff.

“It’s an infestation,” said Gail Nathan, the center’s executive director. “We fear for the kids coming to the art center. We fear for our staff and visitors.”

She ought to know. Her car has been vandalized five times and her tires have been slashed. She now parks five blocks away from the center to avoid the wrath of criminals.

Is There Anyone Who Hasn’t Been On Law & Order?

Things get sort of meta when State Assemblyman Michael Gianaris, who represents Astoria, makes a cameo on Law & Order:

The assemblyman said he will make a cameo appearance in an episode of “Law and Order,” which is scheduled to air on Oct. 6 at 10 p.m. In the episode, Gianaris will be seen at the City Hall Restaurant as the date of female defense lawyer Madchen Amick, whose character has a history with star Sam Waterston’s character.

But the assemblyman said he does not exactly know the identity of his character on the show.

“I don’t know if I’m playing myself or a generic guy in a suit,” he said.

Gianaris said he was asked to do a cameo on the show after having an off-hand conversation with an NBC executive several months ago.

“He said, ‘You look like someone who should be on TV,’ so I said, ‘You’re the NBC executive, put me on,” Gianaris said.

While the assemblyman’s cameo is expected to last for just a few seconds, he said he spent three hours doing 10 takes of the scene at City Hall.

Geez, where does this blurring of fiction and reality end? Will Fred Thompson run for office? Would Sam Waterston contribute big money to Robert Morgenthau’s campaign? Oh, wait.