Who Created The Would-Be Puppy Killer?

We sit back like they taught us. We keep quiet like they taught us. But we are all there. And we are all guilty:

Dog lovers across the borough remain on high alert after a creepy Craigslist post threatened to poison pooches with deadly dog treats.

“Too many dogs!” read the post, which has since been taken down by the Web site. “Too many pissing and s–ting everywhere. Kill them! Cull the herd! I am leaving poison in bits of meat and gravy dog food. Poison the dogs!!”

Somebody Obviously Huffed A Ton Of White Out In Grade School . . .

When you put it this way, the contamination in Newtown Creek seems almost pleasant:

Investigators probing a toxic underground chemical plume in Greenpoint have discovered groundwater with levels of a cancer-causing cleaning solvent more than 14 million times the state standard.

“We got hit in the face with it before we got our gear on,” said state Department of Environmental Conservation project manager David Harrington, adding that water contaminated with PCE splashed out while his crew was doing repair work.

“It smelled like White-Out times a thousand with a lot of sugar thrown in for a couple seconds until my nasal lining burned out,” he said. “That’s pure product.”

Location Scout: Newtown Creek.

And They Say The Office Of Borough President Is A Vestigial Remnant After 1989’s Board Of Estimate Of City Of New York V. Morris Decision

If Marty Markowitz didn’t exist, we’d have to invent him:

His State of the Borough address at the Park Slope Armory Wednesday night featured singing, dancing, lights and sirens — and even Markowitz’s head photoshopped onto newly-elected Sen. Scott Brown’s naked body from a 1982 Cosmo photo spread projected onto a big screen.

A judiciously placed file folder inscribed with “Fuhgeddaboutit” left a little something to the imagination.

“I don’t need Howard Wolfson, I’ve got my strategy all figured out,” said Markowitz, suggesting the beefcake photos could help him get elected mayor in 2013.

“I have four years to get in shape,” he told the crowd of about 1,600.

. . .

There was as much singing, dancing, and noshing as there was speechifying — though there was plenty of that — Markowitz’s speech clocked in at just under an hour and 15 minutes, more than triple Queens Borough President Helen Marshall’s 20-minute address.

The Venuto Brothers belted out Italian opera; the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir sang hymns; the Brooklyn Ballet put on a modernist dance, and six-year-old Michael Jackson impersonator Ikim Whitley of East Flatbush in a top hat and pleather jacket came up on stage mid-speech to do the moonwalk.

Markowitz himself briefly got into the act, swaying hand in hand with feathered bikini and headdress-clad performers from the award-winning Sesame Flyers dance troupe, famous for their performances at the West Indian Labor Day Parade. “I’m not staring, Jamie, I’m not staring,” he promised his wife.

The borough president even whipped out a police light and jokingly pledged never again to break out the lights and sirens that got him in hot water when he was caught using them to speed in his official car to a press conference last month.

The Real Worldization Of New York City

If you can’t moneymake a waterfront site into a money-making commercial property, try building dorms instead:

Developer Joe Sitt sent shockwaves through a monthly gathering of real estate executives on Tuesday by sharing news that he hoped to convert his waterfront land between the Ikea superstore and the Fairway supermarket into a student housing complex.

“Ask any university, they’re starving for student housing,” Sitt, the CEO of Thor Equities, told the development big wigs at the Real Estate Roundtable at the Brooklyn Historical Society.

“[It could be] quasi-residential student housing if we can tempt a nearby university.”

Location Scout: Revere Sugar Refinery.

Good News/Bad News

The good news is that the city’s 14 sewage plants are finally meeting Clean Water Act standards. The bad news is that it’s really, really expensive to upgrade sewage treatment plants. And that’s part of the reason it’s so expensive to live here:

New DEP Commissioner Cas Holloway said the performance will further improve once ongoing projects like the $5 billion upgrade of Brooklyn’s Newtown Creek plant are completed.

$5 billion! Is that a typo? Jeez . . .

Location Scout: Newtown Creek.