Ce N’est Pas Une Bombe

A malfunctioning science project forces its owner to go into full Magritte mode to calm fellow subway riders:

A school science project that went awry and caused smoke to billow from a student’s backpack sent panicked B train riders scurrying for the exits Thursday in Brooklyn.

“This is not a bomb! This is not terror!” yelled Gregory Kats, 29, a computer engineering student at the New York City College of Technology.

Kats, 29, was heading home from school when wires on a device he had built short-circuited in his backpack, he told the Daily News afterward.

When white smoke began spiraling out of his backpack as the train neared the Seventh Ave. station in Park Slope, riders quickly became alarmed, he said.

“They were panicking, and I realized their fear,” an apologetic Kats said at his Sheepshead Bay home.

They “started to jump out of the train” as soon as it stopped at the platform and the doors opened, Kats said.

He said he tried to disassemble the contraption on the platform even as he reassured riders, “Don’t worry. This is my science project.”

Unintended Consequences, Too

Not only are New Yorkers getting fat because of the smoking ban but some parts of the city are also noticing a disturbing trend of rising numbers of underage patrons in bars:

A new South Slope bar has waded into the ongoing battle over whether kids should join their parents at taverns by siding with the stroller set.

Minus the strollers, however.

The owners of the one-month-old Toby’s Public House, a pizzeria/bar on the corner of 21st Street and Sixth Avenue, have posted the seemingly contradictory sign on the door reading, “NO STROLLERS, FAMILY FRIENDLY.”

But there’s no contradiction — kids are welcome. General Manager Tim Judge will even give you a bike lock to secure your stroller outside.

“We have a very small space, so we can’t let strollers inside,” said Judge. “But we’ve got locks for six or seven strollers. If the weather gets really bad, we’ll even bring them down into the basement.”

The fact that such a sign is even necessary shows the struggle that bar owners face when they choose to open in family neighborhoods: bars that welcome kids run the risk of alienating harder-drinking patrons, while bars that ban babies outright stand to lose their parents as customers.

I’m Going To Show You A Problem — You Try Waiting For An Outerborough Bus Past Midnight

There is no better argument for congestion pricing, and the massive increase in transit revenue that will surely result, than a law-abiding man made crazy from irregular B13 service:

A Sing Sing prison guard has been busted for allegedly using his state-issued revolver to carjack three strangers in Brooklyn, The Post has learned.

Brian Duran, 46, was arrested Sunday at 12:20 a.m. after one victim flagged down a patrol car.

Duran allegedly smashed in the rear window of a Ford Taurus parked at 100 Bushwick Ave. in Williamsburg.

Sources said the three friends were waiting for a fourth when Duran, who had been standing at a bus stop, suddenly came over.

“What’s your f- – -ing problem?” driver Anthony Peña, 23, quoted him as yelling.

“Nobody has a problem. Just go about your business,” he was told.

To which Duran allegedly countered, “I’m going to show you a problem!” — as he pulled his state-issued Smith & Wesson and struck the window so hard that he dropped the gun inside the car.

Said Peña: “I got out and hid on the side and said, ‘What are you, crazy?’ ”

. . .

Duran, suspended without pay, was arraigned Sunday on charges of grand and petty larceny, menacing, criminal mischief, criminal possession of stolen property, and unauthorized use of a vehicle.

His estranged wife, who declined to give her name, was at a loss to explain his actions.

“There has to be more of this story. He’s never done anything like this,” she said. “I just can’t believe it. This has to be an [early] April Fool’s joke.”

Pick Your Battles . . .

This seems like a losing proposition, but they should know, I guess:

A group of Brooklyn judges is preparing to sue the city to preserve its parking privileges in a park next to Borough Hall, claiming that the removal of 20 or so spaces will endanger the judges’ safety because the nearest garage is two blocks away.

Oh yeah, Brooklyn judges . . . I seem to remember reading something about them.

The Hippocratic Oath Of Food Service: Jack Up Prices For Stuff Like Alcohol And Dessert, Not Sprite And Coffee

Restauranteurs, although it may seem strange that you can charge someone $8 for a beer and no one will flinch but try to get $5 for a soda and people get all in a snit, trust me, it’s not worth it:

They don’t call it “The Five Spot” for nothing — because this otherwise reasonably priced Myrtle Avenue soul-food restaurant is now charging $5 for a soda.

Yes, $5 for a large Sprite, Coke or root beer — the same price as about a gallon and a half of gas; two and a half shares of Bear Stearns or a Barnes and Noble classic copy of “Macbeth.”

That’s also 50 cents more than a Coke will cost you at The River Café, one of the most-expensive restaurants in Brooklyn.

Surprised?

So was Kate Myers, who dined with her husband and 5-year-old son at the Five Spot on Sunday, March 9.

The family walked into the restaurant, at Washington Avenue, at about 3:30 pm, and ordered two notably reasonably priced entrees: the Clinton Hill Crispy Chicken Fingers ($6.90), and the Five Spot Fish N Chips ($7.95).

And they ordered three drinks: one vodka tonic ($8), one Brooklyn Lager ($8), and a Sprite for little Joe ($5).

Lest you think the high price for soft drinks stems from a bottomless mug, think again. There are no refills — which Myers discovered when she ordered her son a second soda.

“The bill came and we saw there were $10 worth of Sprites,” said Myers, still in disbelief. “If it had been $3, I would have thought it was too much. I travel a lot for my job, and for room service, I don’t pay ever $5.”