Bumper Stickers Reading “At 17 MPG, This Hired Car Caused 9/11” Are Being Printed As We Speak

Mafia wannabes and paralegals breathe a sigh of relief. The Linclon Town Car will live on . . . for now, at least:

There has been speculation that the Michigan plant where the Town Car is built will be one of 14 North American factories Ford plans to close. But the automaker said production of the Town Car will continue in St. Thomas, Ontario — the same factory that builds Ford’s Crown Victoria police car.

“It is such good news,” said Stanley Smith, 73, of Manhattan’s upper East Side, whose 2003 Town Car has 55,000 miles on the odometer.

“I was shattered when I heard about the possibility of the car’s discontinuation,” he said.

“I would rather drive the Town Car with three wheels on it than switch to most other options,” said cabbie Mike Ali, 44, of Staten Island. “This car is a tool of the trade. I am glad to find out it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.”

Ford said the vehicle’s cult appeal was part of its decision to continue production.

“The Town Car has a definite following,” said spokeswoman Anne Marie Gattari. “We ultimately decided that it is a sustainable product, as long as we move it to a smaller plant.”

Mugger Shot By Wheelchair-Bound Grandmother; Fists Pump At NRA Public Relations Department

“Taking her .357 handgun to the shooting range” = “packing heat on a routine trip to the cornerstore”:

Margaret Johnson, 56, was taking her .357 handgun to the shooting range at 3 p.m. while riding in her electric wheelchair when she was approached by a thief on Lenox Avenue near 133rd Street, police said.

“There’s not much to it. Somebody tried to mug me and I shot him,” said Johnson. “It was very scary.”

The attacker, Deron Johnson, 45, apparently thought the older, handicapped retiree was an easy mark, police said.

Instead, she was a marksman.

When Deron grabbed Margaret’s chain and tried to make a dash, she pulled out her gun and shot him, nailing him in the left elbow, police said.

He dropped the loot and ran, but cops caught up with Deron by following his trail of blood about half a block.

. . .

Cops said Margaret has a license for the pistol, which allows her to keep it in her home and take it to the shooting range.

The story doesn’t follow up to check the hours and/or location of the firing range . . .

Just Try Getting That By A Times Editor

The lede of the day, in the Queens Tribune:

Even though his performance art is based on letting audience members run a vacuum cleaner up and down his body, Eugene Calamari said that charges against him claiming he made hundreds of harassing phone calls to a hotel employee are what really suck.

Slow Trains To Astoria And The Bronx — You Don’t Say!

Don’t ever let them tell you that it doesn’t save time to board cars close to the stairwells because it does:

At 6:06 a.m. yesterday, 24 hours and 2 minutes after setting off on their quest to pass by all 468 subway stations, Dan Green and Donald Badaczewski pulled in to the end of the No. 6 line — a full hour faster than the record two other pals set in 1998.

“I feel satisfied, I feel tired, and I can’t think straight,” said a yawny Green, 26. “I just wanted to get the hell off of the train.”

First on the list of things to do was a bathroom break, followed closely by strong coffee.

After traveling all of the 230 miles covered by the train system in Manhattan, Brooklyn, the Bronx, and Queens, the new subway champions were greeted by Badaczewski’s girlfriend, Chris Kelly, and a bevy of TV cameras.

“I know this sounds really weird, but I’m so proud of them,” said Kelly, 24, who was waiting with a hug, balloons, and a sign proclaiming victory.

She also bore gifts of burritos and water for the weary champions.

Early in the evening before, the duo was running about 40 minutes behind schedule after boarding slow trains to Astoria and the Bronx.

But a few lucky late-night transfers and unexpected shuttle service to Bay Ridge had them back on track by 4 a.m.

After a sprint up the stairs at the Lexington Ave./53rd St. station to catch an uptown 4, the last leg of the journey had arrived. The pair transferred to a 6 at 125th St. and cruised into Pelham Bay Park before the sun came up.

Former college roommates, Green and Badaczewski, 24, planned their trip so meticulously as to know which train cars were closest to station staircases.

. . .

They aren’t planning on submitting their time to the Guinness Book of World Records, which only tracks a record for a person visiting each station.

But Michael Falsetta of the East Village, who did a similar ride in 25 hours 11 minutes with his college buddy eight years ago, conceded defeat.

“Even Babe Ruth’s record fell eventually,” said Falsetta.

See also: Will Records Fall?, But What If You’re The Sick Passenger?

But What If You’re The Sick Passenger?

If you’re the kind of person that obsessively figures out in advance the best car to board in order to make the most efficient connection, this might appeal to you:

Fueled by a mountain-climber’s determination to push oneself to the extremes of endurance — and by beef jerky — two New Yorkers plan to circumnavigate the subway system.

Matt Green, 26, and Don Badaczewski, 24, plan to set off tomorrow at 6 a.m. from the shuttle train stop at Rockaway Park in Queens and arrive at Pelham Bay Park on the 6 train in just under 24 hours. That’s what’s needed to beat the current record: 25 hours, 11 minutes, set in 1998 by Michael Falsetta and Salvatore Babones, both 28 at the time.

“We figured, [the subway] is there and someone should do this, so why not us,” said Badaczewski, a University of Michigan law student interning here this summer. “We’ve spent a lot of Saturday nights devoted to this project.”

For five months, they’ve poured over subway maps to find the route with the fewest transfers and they’ve fine-tuned their strategy with this week’s service advisories. (For instance, they’ll ride the L train during the day so they won’t take any shuttle buses.) They’ve visited the roughly 60 transfer stations to check which car is closest to the stairway for their next train.

“I’m not going to push any old ladies out of the way, but I’m going to run,” Badaczewski said. “When you’re doing something like this, you’re not worried about looking more stupid.”

What about bathroom breaks?

“This is an endurance test,” said Green, a transportation engineer from Bay Ridge. “We’ll be holding it in as long as possible and drinking as little as possible. I think we’ll only eat beef jerky in hopes it will be both meager and constipating.”

Let’s pray for a safe journey with no unavoidable delays . . .

The history: Amateur New York Subway Riding Committee.

The MySpace page.