The Yankees Want To Kill You

Skin cancer will cause the deaths of 7,000 Americans this year, and maybe more if the most evil team in baseball has its way:

Yankee fans are seeing — and turning — red over a ban on sunscreen, which Stadium security guards say was widely expanded in the last few weeks.

Security guards collected garbage bags full of sunblock at the entrances to Yankee Stadium over the sweltering weekend, when temps hit 96 degrees and the UV index reached a skin-scorching 9 out of 10 — a move team officials said was to protect the Stadium from terrorism.

But fans baking in the bleachers and upper deck argued that the sun may be a bigger threat than Osama bin Laden.

“I was really pissed because, since I am Irish and I have a bald head, I need my sunblock,” said Sean Gavin, 40, who had to toss his SPF 30 at the gate Saturday.

“After they saw me dousing myself with it, it should have been obvious to them that it was sunblock and not some explosive.”

. . .

Four weeks ago, Stadium officials decided that sunscreen of all sizes and varieties would not be permitted, a security supervisor told The Post before last night’s game.

“There have been a lot of complaints,” he said. “We tell them to apply once and then throw it out.”

For fans who bring babies or young children to cheer on the home team, the guard had suggested they “beg” to take the sunblock in.

. . .

The Stadium does sell 1-ounce bottles of Arizona Sun SPF 15 for $5 — a huge markup that makes its beer seem cheap.

Dermatologists said that, security concerns or not, leaving 56,000 fans unprotected from potential skin cancer is “very dangerous.”

“This is especially bad for children, as their younger skin is particularly sensitive,” said Dr. Babar Rao, a specialist at the Skin and Cancer Center of New York. “Sunblock needs to be reapplied every two hours, even if you are not swimming in the ocean or pool.”

Major League Baseball even has a skin-cancer prevention program called “Play Sun Smart.”

An hour after being asked about the sunscreen ban, Yankee spokesman Jason Zillo told The Post that the rules would be changed to permit 3-ounce containers.

(And MLB doesn’t just have a namby-pamby “program” to battle skin cancer — it’s actually one of Commissioner Bud Selig’s pet projects, Selig himself diagnosed with skin cancer in 2004.)

Macy’s Is On 34th Street . . .

. . . but the wide-open Greenpoint waterfront is a much, much better place to station fireworks barges in front of:

Organizers of the annual pyrotechnics spectacular moved the East River display so far south this year that a horde of sightseers – unaware of the changes – made a last-second dash from Long Island City toward the Brooklyn border to get a glimpse, witnesses said.

Stunned crowds that had waited all day at Gantry Plaza State Park bolted down Center Blvd. and Second St. when they realized the fireworks barges had moved.

“It looked like a slow lava flow of people – thousands of people rushing – women, children, babies,” said Steve Loehner, 45, who watched the scene unfold from his 40th-floor apartment on 48th Ave. near Center Blvd.

“If you’re going to break with the tradition there, you’d like to think that you’re improving upon it, that you’re not really messing it up for a huge amount of people,” Loehner added.

Fikre Ayele, 43, felt sorry for guests at his Fourth of July party, who put up with security checks and parking headaches to get to his sixth-floor apartment.

As it turned out, the best view they got was on TV. “It totally defeats the purpose,” Ayele said.

Equally disappointed were customers at waterfront eateries who hoped to see the fireworks up close.

“We could still see them, but it’s not anywhere near the impact of having them directly in front of you,” said Andrea Botur, 40, vice president of Tennisport, a mixed tennis facility and restaurant at Second St. and Borden Ave.

Macy’s spokesman Orlando Veras explained the move was an attempt to let more New Yorkers — albeit along the FDR Drive and not in Queens — see fireworks that explode only 300 feet high.

Normally, viewing on the FDR Drive is from 42nd St. to 23rd St., but this year it extended down to Houston St. — just a few blocks shy of the Williamsburg Bridge.

. . .

NBC spokeswoman Wendy Luckenbill denied reports the network pressured Macy’s to switch this year’s location.

Hmm.

Piece Of Crap Kids . . .

. . . those little shits:

Teachers were thrilled when students at a Brooklyn high school sweetly offered them slices of homemade cake last week.

But the innocent-looking treat contained a nasty surprise — it was laced with laxatives that sent two educators to the hospital and sickened three other staffers.

Now, three seniors at the Brooklyn School for Global Studies in Cobble Hill have been suspended for the prank and barred from graduation — and were under arrest last night.

“It was just cruel and hurtful,” one of the victims, Tom Mancuso, 36, told the Daily News Tuesday.

. . .

The students behind Thursday’s stunt weren’t seen as troublemakers — one was a straight-A cheerleader. So no one was suspicious when they doled out the chocolate-iced Bundt cake.

People who were offered the cake assumed the red chunks inside the yellow filling were candy, but school officials say they were actually Dulcolax tablets.

“One of the kids said it was baked by his mom. ‘Go ahead, it’s free,'” said Danilo Dungca, 54, who left a job at the Federal Reserve three years ago to teach in the public schools.

“I’m very close with the kids, so I didn’t think anything of it.”

As soon as he and Mancuso took a bite, they knew something was wrong.

“It tasted like someone sprayed hairspray in my mouth. I spit it out,” Mancuso said. “That’s when my lips and my tongue went numb.”

“It had red chunks that looked like cherries, but they were bitter,” Dungca added, “I spit it out. . . . My mouth was numb. I got sick. I went to the bathroom.”

. . .

Some students at the school were blasé about the cake caper.

“Nobody’s died from a laxative,” said Shanell James, 17, a senior and friend of Ramirez. “He thought it was funny. I thought it was funny, too.”

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

And when that happens, curse the train conductor:

A man who jumped in front of a southbound E train in Manhattan Tuesday morning was passed over by the cars and then yelled at the conductor for not killing him.

“He jumped. The train ran over him,” a police spokeswoman said.

“He wasn’t injured at all. He got up. He admonished the train operator for not crushing him.”

Apparently the man disappeared after yelling at the operator at 14th street at around 10:10 a.m.

We Need A New Zoe Baird

For all the hot air about trusting social security no one seems to want to put their money where their mouths are:

About 84 percent of city parents pay their nannies off the books — and 71 percent “greatly respect” their helpers while one-third admit they worry they would do in an emergency.