That Takes Huevos . . .

On virtually any other day you might — might — be excused from making this mistake:

A bouncer at a popular West Village restaurant ejected a female customer from the women’s bathroom after last month’s gay pride march because she looked too masculine, the woman charged yesterday.

Khadijah Farmer, 27, said the incident happened June 24 at Caliente Cab Company on Seventh Avenue South, where she had gone with her girlfriend and another friend to have dinner after the march.

Farmer said she was using the bathroom when a male bouncer burst in and banged on the stall door, saying a customer had complained that there was a man in the women’s room.

“I said, ‘I am a woman and I am where I am supposed to be,'” Farmer said. “I offered to show him some identification. I was told that’s neither here nor there.”

Caliente Cab Company, a Mexican restaurant known for its large margaritas and Checker cab decor, did not immediately return a call for comment.

Farmer said the bouncer escorted her to her table and forced her party to pay their check and leave.

Not Too Soon?

Crazy to think that today’s vandals are only dimly aware of Sept. 11:

Borough President James P. Molinaro yesterday said that another plaque at the Staten Island World Trade Center memorial was damaged during a recent incident.

In light of the vandalism, Molinaro said he would ask the city to install video surveillance cameras near the St. George memorial.

Initial reports said part of a granite plaque devoted to Jason Christopher DeFazio, a Cantor Fitzgerald employee from Sunnyside, was shattered and its pieces scattered on the rocky shoreline near the memorial. The pieces were later recovered.

Yesterday, Molinaro said the plaque adjacent to DeFazio’s, belonging to Firefighter Jeffrey James Olsen of Great Kills, is missing its silhouette-style profile.

Authorities didn’t initially notice the vandalism to Olsen’s plaque because the layout of the 9/11 “Postcards” memorial can make it difficult to match victims’ profiles with their corresponding nameplates, the borough president said.

“It’s an easy mistake to make,” Molinaro added.

The part of the plaque containing Olsen’s name was not damaged.

Olsen’s mother, Carol Olsen, said the vandalism was “awful,” noting, “Many families rely on that memorial.”

She said her family wanted nothing to do with the memorial planned for Manhattan because it’s “too controversial.” Said Mrs. Olsen of the St. George site, “This is where we come.”

Officials believe that all the vandalism occurred sometime last weekend.

And by the way, how many other surveillance cameras around the city are only decoys?

Molinaro said two surveillance cameras mounted on light poles near the memorial are actually decoys. He said he’d never requested working cameras be installed at the memorial because “I was naive enough to think that people wouldn’t damage it.”

He also didn’t want to potentially invade the privacy of grieving family members by having them videotaped.

“Now I see we’re at a different level,” said Molinaro. “It’s necessary that you do it.”

Location Scout: Postcards Memorial.

Who Needs Squeegee Men? The Outer Boroughs Are Still Gritty!

Those pining for the bad old days should take comfort knowing that the bad old days are alive and well and they’ve returned to the Bronx to revisit an old friend:

In the age-old contest for most despicable vandal, stealing from a preschool that serves autistic and other special-needs children is bound to earn you a spot on the list. But when the object you steal is part of a memorial to the school’s longstanding and recently deceased principal? Automatic top 10.

So congratulations to the mystery thieves who on the night of Thursday, June 7, visited 2778 Bruckner Boulevard — the home of These Our Treasures, Inc., also known as TOTS — and walked away with a Japanese cutleaf maple tree — a tribute to beloved educator Nan Sforza, who succumbed to cancer three years ago.

The small tree — carefully raised in a pot in the school’s front lobby for the past two years — was planted hardly a month ago, in an emotional ceremony that dedicated the entire garden on TOTS’ Brinsmade Avenue side to Sforza. The school’s staff was planning to attach a memorial plaque within a few weeks.

Imagine their surprise, then, when they arrived at work on Friday morning to find an empty hole where the tree had been. Since, the staff has filled the hole with a white-and-red sign reading “Shame on You,” alerting neighbors to the purpose of tree.

. . .

[In a statement to the Bronx Times Reporter, TOTS officials reasoned] that since the exotic maple was carefully uprooted, rather than ripped up or toppled over, the average local hooligan is probably not to blame. “It appeared less like a random act of vandalism,” the staff wrote, “and more like the effort of some misguided gardener to get a lovely little tree at no cost.”

So far, police have been unable to track down the vandal, and no eyewitnesses have come forward. But TOTS is offering a truce to whatever brand of crook lifted its loving tribute: If the maple magically reappears at the school building in the near future — as neatly as it was removed last Thursday — the staff won’t ask any questions.

Ugliness Rears Its, Uh, Ugly Head

A roving band of “ugly girls” is terrorizing Prospect Heights:

In at least three instances over the past two months, a group of adolescents headed by one or two young girls has approached pedestrians and either hit them over the head with a blunt object or pointed what looked to be a toy gun in their direction.

The perpetrators demanded nothing. Indeed, they appeared to have no motive beyond the sheer fun of harassing pedestrians, according to victims and the police.

. . .

“They literally came out of nowhere,” said Jess Eddy, a 29-year-old graphic designer who was only two blocks from home when she was assaulted on May 15 at about 10 pm.

“I was on Prospect Place, near Vanderbilt Avenue, when I got struck on the head from behind,” she said. “I turned around, and there were six to eight kids, with two little girls in front, who were between 12 and 13 years old.

“They were waiting for me to do something. I was taken aback. I mean, the normal reaction is to attack, but they were so young, and girls.”

After hesitating, Eddy rushed at the girls, prompting a counter-attack by two slightly older boys who had been lurking in the background.

When they tried to hit Eddy on the head, she yelled “like a crazy woman,” and one of the boys pulled out a small silver gun that Eddy presumed was a toy because of its size and the boy’s age. Eddy fled across the street. The kids ran in the opposite direction.

. . .

The third assault occurred about two months ago to a man named Raymond Alberts and his wife as they were walking along St. Marks Place between Classon and Grand avenues.

“As we were walking, we saw a kid hiding behind a Dumpster,” Alberts told The [Brooklyn] Paper. “My wife says, ‘He’s got a gun.'”

Alberts, 56, estimated the kid was between 13 and 17 years old. He was accompanied by an “overweight boy” of about the same age.

“I turn around, and he points the silver gun at me . . . We kept on walking . . . He was just smiling.”

Alberts promptly reported the incident to the cops, who sent out an officer to investigate.

“He comes back and says it was a toy gun, and he said it wasn’t a boy, it was an ugly girl,” said Alberts.

Ingrates

Once people find out that you live in a four-bedroom apartment on Central Park West, they travel from far and wide to visit and are reluctant to leave:

A pair of unwanted house guests ambushed and beat their host in Central Park after she told them to get packing, law-enforcement sources said yesterday.

Vivian Gonzalez, 21, and Alan Reid, 22, had been staying with Amanda Nuñez in her four-bedroom apartment at 86th Street and Central Park West.

When she finally told them to leave, they hatched a scheme to humiliate her, cops said. A third man, Jason Grant, lured Nuñez to Central Park at 3:35 a.m. last Thursday, where Gonzalez and Reid waited.

Gonzalez allegedly beat Nuñez in the knee with a baseball bat, forced her to strip and stole her purse, law-enforcement sources said.

How that would have forestalled the pair from leaving seems a little unclear . . .