Will Pedro Feliciano and Aaron Heilman Be Called To Testify?

And this man roots for a team still (for the time being) in first place:

A Queens man who allegedly bludgeoned his mother to death with a barbell blamed the Mets for setting off his murderous rage, authorities said yesterday.

Michael Anthony, 26, was frustrated with the Mets’ 6-5 loss to the Washington Nationals in the second game of Saturday night’s doubleheader when he started arguing with his father, according to a statement he gave police.

Anthony told cops after his arrest for murdering Maria Fischman, 61, that he “was watching the Mets game and became enraged.”

“We started fighting and my mother jumped in,” he said, adding that she took a knife from the kitchen of the Fresh Meadows home. “I took the knife from her and it got stuck in her head.”

Fischman then fled to the bedroom, where Anthony said he thought she was going for a weapon in a dresser drawer. “I grabbed a weight from the top of the dresser, swung it, hit her and she fell to the floor,” Anthony said.

Those post-game cliches never sounded so bad:

And while some may heal faster than others, the Mets can only hope all their injured pieces take a cue from their catcher.

“I’m going to be out there by Tuesday,” Lo Duca said, “unless I get shot.”

Like Foxes In Henhouses, Pedophiles In Schools Or Alcoholics In Distilleries . . .

As reports maintain that women commuters are in large numbers threatened, harassed or otherwise somehow sexually assaulted on the subway, new fears emerge that the system is becoming a magnet for sickos and pervs:

A city transit worker was arrested for sexually abusing a woman in a subway car, police said yesterday.

Bus dispatcher Glenn Jones, 37, was off duty when he allegedly approached a 30-year-old straphanger on the No. 4 train as it rolled into Grand Central station on Saturday afternoon.

Jones rubbed against her buttocks, according to police.

As Einnel Eocsirb Might Have Said, The Bad Old Days Are Still Bobbing Around Out There

And it’s not too late to sneak this storyline into the next season of Law & Order*:

A kiddie birthday party aboard a boat took a macabre turn yesterday when its pint-sized passengers spotted a corpse floating in the Hudson off Manhattan’s Pier 40.

The shocked parents of birthday girl [Eolhc Lajavrac], 3, told The Post that they had shelled out $1,500 for the round-trip jaunt around the Statue of Liberty for about 40 guests, including at least 15 youngsters.

They were horrified when the rug rats got a premature lesson in crime-scene investigation at around 1 p.m.

“There were children there who saw the body, and they were crying,” said the girl’s mother, [Llij Lajavrac], 37. “The boat was circling the body.”

[Eolhc]’s dad, [Solrac Lajavrac], 36, a commercial litigation lawyer, added, “At least 15 kids saw this. The kids were screaming, crying, ‘Mommy! What’s going on? What is that?’

“It was the cruise from hell. It was like out of a movie. You couldn’t make this stuff up.”

. . .

The man was later ID’d by police as Michael Dukes, 30, of Brooklyn. They had no further details.

Shielding the kids, including [Eolhc]’s sister, [Ardnaxela], 4, only got more difficult when the ship, the Queen of Hearts, circled the corpse for about 20 minutes, the [Lajavrac]s said.

“She [Ardnaxela] is asking me [about it], and I’m trying to usher her in,” said [Solrac Lajavrac]. “I said the boat just hit something.”

See also: Other bad old days.

*They just need 101 days.

Kobayahsi Still Has Scoreboard

After all, a competitive eater who refuses brains is no real competitor at all:

One day after his stunning July 4 victory over six-time world hot dog-eating champion Takeru Kobayashi, Joey Chestnut put to rest persistent rumors that he would now target what many believe is competitive eating’s true Holy Grail: Kobayashi’s cow-brain-eating record.

Many longtime observers of the sport — among them, this reporter — were convinced that winning the Mustard-Yellow International Belt would not satisfy Chestnut’s savory tooth and that he would need to chew further into Kobayashi’s territory by eating more than 17.7 pounds of pan-seared cow brains in 15 minutes, a record that most people think can never be broken.

Chestnut is not even going to try.

“That’s not for me,” he told The Brooklyn Paper exclusively. “There are a lot of foods in this sport that I don’t want to eat because it would take the fun out of it for me. I once did a jalapeno contest and I really regretted it. So, no. No cow brains for me.”

Earlier: More Like Rocky IV — The One With The Russian — Or Probably Just Like A 1980s Tag Team Match Against Nikolai Volkoff And The Iron Sheik (Sgt. Slaughter, Where Have You Gone?)

Who Caused The Dog’s Death? We All Did.

The Mayor’s new noise code claims its first victim as violence increases in the aftermath of the law’s enactment:

A Port Richmond couple’s Yorkshire Terrier Eddie was shot and killed in front of its owners home on Tuesday afternoon, possibly by a pedestrian angered that it barked too much, according to a published report.

Marie and Michael Buckley are upset and bewildered about who would harm their 8-year-old dog.

“It’s just horrible,” Michael Buckley told CBS-Channel 2 News. “Horrible.”

Eddie was sitting on the front stoop with the front doors open when he suddenly ran yelping into the house and was found badly bleeding in the bathroom.

“He came in like he was shot out of a cannon,” Michael Buckley told CBS. “A neighbor heard three pops.”

A veterinarian, who tried to save the dog’s life, extracted a pellet from Eddie’s intestine after it pierced the diaphragm and liver. Two other pellets were found on the ground close to where the dog was sitting.

A month ago, an anonymous note was left in the Buckleys’ mailbox complaining of Eddie’s barking, and someone would turn on a car alarm whenever the dog started barking.