And That’s Not “Erupt” Figuratively Like They Say After One Of Your Garden-Variety 30-Point Performances, He Means Literally “Erupt”

In an interview with Metro New York, competitive eating expert and Horsemen of the Esophagus author Jason Fagone guesses that Kobayashi’s jaw arthritis is probably for real though he does seem to suggest while answering a question about the potential for other repetitive injuries through competitive eating that deep down, spectators have a perverse sort of White Bronco infatuation with the sport:

I’m waiting for Joey Chestnut to erupt. I’m waiting for the first stomach rupture. It probably won’t happen with one of the top eaters, because they’ve brought their capacity up so gradually. It certainly can happen with an eater who is doing it for the first time or second time or third time and just overdoes it.

And Here I Was Thinking That The Word “Reputed” Was Falling Out Of Favor . . .

There’s the Dickensian representation of the mafia currently commanding our attention and then there’s the real mob. And as the Sopranos series finale approaches, the real mafia wants you to know that they still exist:

The reputed mobster was found face up in his white striped pajamas, his mouth agape, half hanging off his bed in his Brooklyn home. He had been shot once near his ear, in the back of his head, and late last night investigators were still searching for a motive.

The death of the man, Rudolph Izzi — who the authorities said had been a soldier with the Genovese crime family — was the second mob-related shooting in the borough in three days, and had detectives investigating whether the two attacks were related.

On Tuesday morning, Robert DeCicco, whose father is a captain with the Gambino crime family, was shot in his arm and leg, and another bullet grazed his head, while he was sitting in his parked car less than a mile and a half from Mr. Izzi’s home on Shore Parkway. Mr. DeCicco, who was indicted along with his father and 11 others on federal racketeering and extortion charges in January, survived the attack.

Investigators are still trying to determine whether there was any connection between the shooting of Mr. Izzi, a loan shark, and Mr. DeCicco, 56, who lives on Staten Island and was said to have amassed heavy gambling debts. But both came from powerful crime families and have colorful histories of their own. There have been no arrests in either case.

According to the police, Mr. Izzi’s body was discovered after a friend of his, a doctor, stopped by for a visit and noticed signs of forced entry around the home’s door. The friend, whose name was not released, called the police. (Another investigator said Mr. Izzi was gunned down after answering the door, though that version was not corroborated by the police.)

And when investigators first saw Mr. Izzi, 74, who was declared dead in his bed, they said he seemed like a “beat-up old man,” a far cry from the eccentric, crisply dressed wiseguy whose nickname was “the Cueball,” and whose tangles with the law dated back nearly 40 years.

Go Ahead, Sue Me

Tired of frivolous lawsuits? Anxious for tort reform? An easy, noncontroversial solution would be to hire more research staff at New York tabloids:

Christopher Woods was allegedly left with a painful “erection that would not subside” after he drank Boost Plus, a protein drink that comes in chocolate, vanilla and strawberry.

The lactose-free liquid — whose slogan is “Energy to Embrace Life!” — is touted by its manufacturer for its ability to “help build muscles and skin.”

But Woods is blaming the concoction for the “severe bodily injuries” he allegedly suffered after drinking the stuff on June 5, 2004.

The 29-year-old Harlem man awoke a day later with an unrelenting erection that, according to the lawsuit filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, needed to be treated with a shunt.

About a week later, Woods charged, persistent problems sent him back to the hospital, where the arteries to his penis had to be clogged through an embolization to stem the flow of blood to the organ.

The lawsuit charges that Woods suffered “pain, shock and mental anguish” as a result of a prolonged erection that kept him from being able to perform “normal activities.”

Mister Softee: Unsafe At Any Speed

A Brooklyn grandmother is killed by a Mister Softee truck:

A beloved Brooklyn grandmother who rarely left her home except to worship was struck and killed by a Mister Softee truck as she walked to church, police and relatives said yesterday.

It’s Never Too Early To Start Hyping Competitive Eating Matches

American dog gobbler Joey Chestnut has devoured Takeru Kobayashi’s world record in a tune-up for July’s Nathan’s hot dog eating contest:

California man Joey Chestnut wolfed down 59 1/2 hot dogs and buns in 12 minutes at a Phoenix contest yesterday — shattering champion Takeru Kobayashi’s world record.

Kobayashi’s old record of 533/4 was set last year at the Nathan’s Famous annual Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest, held at Coney Island.

Chestnut placed second in last year’s world championships, consuming 52 hot dogs.

Last year: Let’s Return The Competitive Eating Championship Where It Belongs: The Good ‘Ol Girth-Loving U. S. Of A.