The Governor/Mayor’s Plan To Go After Sugar Hits A Snag

Apparently the cops need stuff to do:

Two Bronx men were locked up and left to rot in a filthy jail cell for nearly a week after a pair of bumbling cops mistook their candy for a bag of crack.

The “drugs” were finally tested five days later and determined to be popular Coco (coconut) Candy. The charges were dropped — but there were no apologies from the NYPD.

“Sweet happens,” a police source glibly said of the boondoggle.

. . .

The trouble began the night of Jan. 15, as José Pena, a 48-year-old plumber, and his longtime pal and colleague Cesar Rodriguez, 33, were headed to a party, and decided to stop at a bodega on 181st Street and the Grand Concourse.

When they came out, cops were waiting and asked to search their Ford minivan. “I said ‘Go search.’ I even opened the door,” Rodriguez told The Post.

An officer rummaged around, came out holding a “Hello Kitty” sandwich bag, and shouted “Bingo!” the men said.

“It’s only candy!” Rodriguez said, as the cops handcuffed him and Pena, and several other police cars rushed to the scene.

Rodriguez said he buys a 50-cent bag of Coco Candy, a hard coconut-based treat, almost every day. Because it easily crumbles, he puts it in a sandwich bag.

“I didn’t know having candy was a crime,” he said.

No One Wants The Bad Old Days To Return, But . . .

. . . combining criminal justice and entertainment — a weird kind of John Walsh wet dream — just sounds a little too much like some sort of dystopian Orwellian piece:

Some of the nation’s most wanted criminals are going to see their names in lights on Broadway.

The FBI will unveil a massive Times Square billboard today that’s short on movie stars in tighty whiteys and long on bad guys.

The digital billboard near the TKTS booth at 47th St. and Broadway will feature a rotating display of New York fugitives and a number for an FBI tips hotline.

Location Scout: Times Square.

My Body Is A Pastime My Mind Is A Simple Joy I Learn My Lesson The Hardest Way

When you put it that way, I should have tried jacking some kid’s iPod instead:

A man convicted of three muggings in Queens, including an attack on a 101-year-old woman, was sentenced on Wednesday to 75 years in prison.

In imposing the sentence, Justice Gregory L. Lasak of State Supreme Court in Queens lashed out at the defendant, Jack Rhodes, 47, for preying on older women, and noted that his sentence added up to almost one year for every dollar he stole from his victims. Prosecutors also read a statement from his oldest victim, Rose Morat, now 103, whose assault was captured on surveillance tape and led to an intense hunt for her attacker.

Then there’s this charming realization:

Lasak reminded Rhodes that he would spend his declining years in a prison near the Canadian border with fewer and fewer visitors as the years go by.

“You’re going to get old and lonely up there. You’re going to become an old man,” Lasak said. “I wonder if the young inmates will show you the same respect that you showed Rose Morat, Solange Elizee and Angela Khan.”

Earlier: Jesus, What A Jerk.

The Best Defense Against A Carjacking . . .

. . . is a standard transmission:

“We stopped at the light, and he came right over,” Peter recalled. “He was 6-foot, thin.”

“Get out of the car!” the crook barked at Anne, who stands 5-foot-3 on her tiptoes.

The creep then forced down the window on the driver’s side — and stuck his long arm in the car.

“He used a knife to cut my hand” and then swiped Anne’s iPhone, she said.

Things went from ugly to ridiculous by the time the light changed, the couple recalled — and the would-be carjacker’s luck ran out.

. . .

“I’m small — he cannot fit in my car,” she said.

“And I don’t think he could drive the stick shift!”

So, stolen iPhone in hand and his tail between his legs, the driving-challenged car thief took off on foot.

Give ‘Em Enough Grope And They’ll Hang Themselves

Maybe if we can get the cops to stop issuing lame parking tickets they’ll start to crack down on some real assholes.