New York City As The Afghanistan Of Public Projects

SAIC, who not only overcharged New York City for the botched CityTime project but overcharged exponentially for the botched project, will be required to pay $500 million in paybacks and fines:

A major government contractor agreed on Wednesday to pay a record $500 million to avoid federal prosecution for its role in the scandal-tarred CityTime project, an effort at modernizing New York’s payroll system. The project was plagued by widespread fraud and weak oversight and became a lingering embarrassment for Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s administration.

. . .

Mr. Bloomberg hailed the deal as “a major victory for taxpayers,” but the scandal remained a potential taint on the legacy of a mayor who prides himself on managerial efficiency and the power of the private sector to reform government operations.

The CityTime project, with its promise of millions of dollars in cost savings thanks to newfangled technology like biometric readers, epitomized Mr. Bloomberg’s technocratic approach to governing. City Hall officials say the payroll system, which was put in place despite the fraud, has improved a timekeeping operation once dependent on pen and paper. But the kickbacks and the ballooning costs raised doubts about the administration’s ability to police its many outside contracts.

And now the company faces a shareholder lawsuit.

That Blasted Shofar

It shows up everywhere:

The Mitzvah Tank, a camper run by the Lubavitcher Hasidic sect, pulled up outside the store, and the driver rolled down his window.

“You want to hear the shofar?” he yelled, referring to the ram’s horn that is blown as an act of piety.

“Not now, I’m having a meeting,” [the store owner] said, then changed his mind. “All right. Make it fast.”

Casual Dress Not Permitted In The Marble-Floored Lobby

And that means no pink underwear, or .25 caliber Beretta handguns, for that matter:

A woman wearing pink undies on top of her pants set off a brief scare at the Waldorf-Astoria Saturday when a security guard spotted a gun sticking out of her jacket pocket.

Police said [the suspect], 46, was talking to herself in the crowded lobby of the hotel just after 9 a.m. An eagle-eyed security guard walked toward [her] and spotted the butt of a .25-caliber semiautomatic Beretta.

New Yorkers Are Also Thought To Have A Keen Sense Of Faux Modesty And Are Expert At Exuding A Convincing Yet Hollow Self-Effacing Manner*

I still want “Cliff Lee” to become a verb for screwing over New York City, or at least being cooler than cool, or perhaps even shorthand for something along the lines of spurning better deals and “sacrificing” tens of millions while still receiving a $100 million-plus contract, but this Ed Koch observation deserves more mental space:

Lee, the prized pitcher who helped the Texas Rangers reach their first World Series, snubbed New York. He turned down the Yankees to join the Philadelphia Phillies, and though he is not the first player to reject the Yankees, the circumstances left some wondering whether he does not think highly of New York. The Phillies offered him less money, a minimum of five years and $120 million, than the Yankees, who dangled seven years and $148 million.

New York, the city of yes, has always had trouble dealing with no.

. . .

“New Yorkers are thought to be very tough and thick-skinned,” former Mayor Edward I. Koch said Tuesday. “Just the contrary: we are very thin-skinned. We don’t like to be insulted.

“Most people who live in New York weren’t born here. They come from every country in the world, so they bring with them their own traditions. And one of the traditions is being thin-skinned.”

*We can call it “Woody Allenism.”

At Least No One Told Him Where Hot Dog Vendors Go To The Bathroom

Chilean miner Edison Peña is not as enamored with New York as, say, the Village Voice is, though I don’t know who isn’t a little let down by the Statue of Liberty and hot dog carts:

“It is not white? I thought it was bigger and whiter,” an incredulous Peña said of Lady Liberty while touring Battery Park and posing for photos.

“In the movies, it looks whiter,” said the copper miner, unaware that the statue is made of copper and is green from oxidization.

Then Peña, who ran up to six miles a day in a 1,000-yard tunnel while trapped in the collapsed mine, sampled a New York City classic — a hot dog with ketchup and mustard bought from a downtown cart.

After chomping down, he motioned “so-so” with his hand.

“In Chile, they are better!” said the 12th of the 33 Chilean miners freed from their 69-day imprisonment last month.

Also, a subway ride — for obvious reasons — was out of the question.