Pickpockets

Since it’s that the time of season, the Daily News has a helpful piece on pickpockets in today’s paper. Nothing groundbreaking, but it discusses the exotic-sounding School of Seven Bells, one of those Boo Radley-esque concepts that may or may not be an urban myth but is worth recounting (once again):

The worst of them are so slick that some cops believe they were trained at a legendary crime college in South America – the School of the Seven Bells.

The school, said to be in Colombia, has never been visited by a U.S. law enforcement official, and many believe it does not exist.

But as the legend goes, the final test at the school involves a teacher posing as a mark, his body booby-trapped with seven small bells, each strategically placed. To graduate, students must slip valuables from several pockets without ringing any of the bells.

Remember “School of the Seven Bells” for later use (lyrical, that!).

They also have a great glossary of “pickpocketing lingo”:

• The Pick – Snatching a valuable item from a person.
• The Dip – The thief who actually executes the pick.
• The Mark – The victim.
• Ripper – A fearless thief who brazenly rips or cuts items out of a pocket and runs.
• The Dish – A handoff. The thief who swiped the wallet gives it to another thief lurking nearby to prevent being caught.
• The Stall – A thief blocks the path of a walking target to allow a pickpocket to swoop in.
• Looping – Repeatedly passing a target or a store in order to steal something.

And don’t forget the colorfully named scams:

• The Squirt Job: A thief squirts a condiment like ketchup or mayonnaise on a victim’s jacket. The thief then points it out, or his partner points it out. While the victim wipes off the stain, the thief picks the pocket or bag.
• The Money Drop: A thief drops cash or other items in front of the victim walking down the street. Another thief comes from behind and picks the distracted victim’s pocket or swipes his or her bag.
• The Flat Tire: A thief looks for a driver sitting inside a car, punctures the car’s tire and then points it out. When the driver gets out of the car to inspect the tire, another thief steals valuables from the vehicle.
• The Bump: A thief bumps into a victim on the street, in a store or in the subway, giving his accomplice time to sneak up from behind and pick the jostled victim’s pocket.

To quote Hill Street Blues‘ Phil Esterhaus, “Let’s be careful out there!”

Public Service

The Post performs a sort of public service today by making us feel less guilty for not giving panhandlers money. Specifically, introducing (or reintroducing, just in case we forgot) the concept of the Bogus Beggar:

Paula Headley dressed for her job in Midtown — wearing a filthy blanket and a pathetic look on her tear-streaked face.

Then she headed home at the end of a busy day — clad in a casual-chic jogging outfit and a warm hat.

Meet the Fifth Avenue faker — a fixture for four years on the famous thoroughfare, where she begs change from high-fashion shoppers.

Last Saturday, camped out in front of the Louis Vuitton store, it took her only 20 minutes to collect $18 in bills, several dollars more in coins and one cup of cocoa from a middle-aged man who also gave her a gentle warning, “Careful, it’s hot.”

When work was over for the day, Headley hobbled slowly across Fifth Avenue, doubled over as if in pain.

She walked into a telephone kiosk — and, like Superman, emerged transformed.

Wearing her jogging clothing, she stood straight up, took a sip of the cocoa and strode off.

The Post exclusive delves into the ins and outs of the lucrative panhandling business and the art of begging, including, if I’m not mistaken, what appears to be method acting:

Headley, 36, claims the blanket, the tears, the bent-over shuffle are no Christmas con.

The blanket?

“That’s what I use to wrap myself to go to sleep anyway,” she explained.

And the slow, shuffling walk?

That, she said, was because she didn’t “want to step on [her blanket] or trip.”

But what about those tears?

“If you hold your eyes open long enough, they come down your face,” she said. “Or you sit back, you reminisce on the past and it makes you sad.”

But she admits the blanket does help her cash flow.

“It takes a long time to get $10” when she’s wearing her store-bought clothes, she said.

“When I go out with my blanket, the money comes fast.”

Although a case can be made that anyone who goes to such lengths deserves every penny he or she gets, in Ms. Headley’s case this may amount to six figures:

Harry Yancey, a security guard at Van Cleef & Arpels, said that before Headley upgraded to a blanket, she’d lie on the street wrapped only in black garbage bags.

“I think she’s a con artist,” he said. “I pity con artists. To go through that routine is hard. She deserves whatever she earns.”

Another area worker was less sympathetic.

“She gets paid more than I do,” he said. He estimated that “on a good day, [she makes] $200 at least.”

Headley insists she deserves all the sympathy she gets.

She said she wound up on the streets when she lost both her parents at age 24.

“I basically just gave up,” she said. “I stopped going to church.”

She used to sleep in the station at 57th Street and Sixth Avenue, but when she hit the jackpot with her penniless pageant she gave up sleeping on a bench for nicer digs — an apartment on 123rd Street where she stays with a friend.

Not counting handfuls of coins or the price of a cocoa, the $18 she earned last Saturday would average to a comfortable tax-free $103,680 a year — if she could lie on her corner 40 hours a week. City panhandling laws make that impractical, but Midtown observers say she moves from corner to corner to escape notice.

“Sometimes worried people call EMS for her,” Yancey said. “When they come, she gets up and says, ‘I’m all right.'”

Like I said, the Post’s idea of public service . . . Merry Christmas!

And furthermore…

I thought I’d add to Scott’s subway rant. I also hate:

• People who refuse to keep to the right on the stairs. Is it that hard to remember, really? Is it?
• People who block the walking lane on the escalator. Working at Times Square, I think I curse a gaggle of Midwesterners under my breath daily.
• Men who take up two seats by spreading their legs. Somebody didn’t manage to learn anything to charm school, alas.
• Men who think I don’t notice them groping me. (Surprise, asshole, I’m about the step on your foot…HARD!)

Subway Etiquette

As noted below, the MTA is revising its rules of conduct. The zombie-esque photography ban is perhaps the most controversial, but there are other proposed rule changes — not putting one’s feet on the seats, for example.

A Quirky Op-Ed in the Times today (in the quirky corner of the op-ed page, i.e., the lefthand page down at the bottom) tackles the issue of legislating subway etiquette:

The transportation authorities should ask rush-hour passengers what other rules they should impose.

Almost certain to top the list would be a “three swipes and you’re out” edict, sending would-be riders to the back of the line at crowded turnstiles when they cannot make their MetroCards work. Pole leaners, who deprive others from holding on when the train is hurtling and snaking along at breakneck speed, would be forced off the train, or forced to ride in the middle of the car without anything or anyone to grip for balance. Loud talkers would be seated next to anyone who is snoring.

All of the people on the train would have to cover their mouths when they coughed and noses when they sneezed or be herded into a car with other germ-delivering riders. Dogs would be allowed to ride subway trains, but not peddlers of candy bars or jewelry. And anyone who gave up a seat to someone in need would get a free ride (this could be declined by those few believing that kindness is its own reward).

I’m adamantly opposed to allowing dogs on the subway (yuck!), but as I read the piece this morning on the subway, I could think of several other fine additions:

• Blocking the Doors Like a Big Dick is Prohibited. Example: The stop at Lexington opens on this side, so I will stand my ground at all costs so as to be the first to exit the train, those trying to get on around me be damned.
• Step Aside and Let the Passengers off First! This particular annoyance is best expressed through the conductor’s admonition during rush hour: “Step Aside! Step Aside!” On certain passive-aggressive days (or aggressive-aggressive days), I find myself waiting until oncoming passengers get out of my way before exiting, creating a time-wasting faceoff during rush hour.
• Step All the Way into the Car Please! See above. I wonder if those who do not Move All the Way Into the Car, Please! do it out of spite for those who have a shorter commute. The stripper-like pole leaner described in the Times piece tends to exacerbate this condition.
• Vigilante Justice Perpetrated Against Bootleg DVD Vendors. Having been convinced that the proceeds of bootleg DVDs fund international terrorism, I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve developed a bad habit of simply stepping on them when they’re in the way.

There are always other subway annoyances . . . this list is sure to grow.

Public Service Announcement

As we begin the inexorable descent into the dark, glum chill of winter, remember that there’s always Florida.