New York As Giant Soundstage For Bloomberg’s Alternate Reality

And we all become extras in campaign ads, and our homes turned into locations for shoots:

Hizzoner wanted a blue-collar house in Queens for his newest TV ad — and paid an eye-popping Manhattan rent to use it Thursday for just seven hours.

Bloomberg’s campaign shelled out $3,000 to a Forest Hills homeowner to shoot scenes in the garage, living room and bathroom of his 2-1/2-story, single-family residence on a tree-lined block.

. . .

[The homeowner] wouldn’t say how much he was paid. But location scout Robert Chemtob, who was hired by Epand Media to find a working-class home for the mayor’s ad, estimated the fee at $3,000.

. . .

[The homeowner] insisted he didn’t know the content of the ad.

Chemtob would only say it included a scene with a man singing in the shower. He said the spot is expected to hit airwaves in a few weeks.

Countless Hovers Under Cover Of The Street, Or, The Gift Down Below

Amid all the endorsements, the mayor’s real strategy to bring the city back revolves around sneaky-as-shit ticket agents:

Law enforcement sources told the Gazette the traffic agents hide behind the pillars to catch motorists who get trapped at red lights in the busy intersection.

“It’s crazy,” the sources said. “The agents curl up behind the pillars and wait until a car gets jammed up. Then they pounce, scan the registration and toss the summons at the motorist before they skulk back behind the pillars.”

Sources acknowledge that it is illegal to block the intersection, where signs clearly indicate, “Don’t Block The Box”. The signs also warn that motorists who get caught blocking the intersection face a fine and points on their driver’s license.

“It’s the way they’re doing it,” the sources said. “Instead of directing traffic at the intersection or standing as a deterrent, they’re jumping from behind the pillars and scaring everybody.”

. . .

High-ranking police sources said the NYPD is looking into the actions of traffic agents who “jump and scan” vehicles at Hoyt Avenue. “Drivers know they have to be careful when they see traffic agents at a location,” the sources said. “The agents on Hoyt aren’t concerned with traffic control or enforcing the law. It’s clear, by their actions, that they have only one thing in mind — to write as many summonses as possible.”

NB: I think they’ve started using unmarked cars, too . . .

A Company Founded On Blood, Sweat And Tears

New York has the entrepreneurial spirit:

After spraying disinfectant, Sosa poured a sandy material akin to kitty litter to soak up the scabbed-over puddles of blood. After scraping up and disposing of the material, he breaks out a mop, then a high pressure steamer to clean the smaller splashes of blood around the kitchen.

Gospodarski, who has been a paramedic for nearly three decades, said he started his career working the Queens District Attorney’s Office, founded Bio-Recovery when he noticed that there were no companies in New York City that provided cleanup services after nasty incidents and instead, made the victim’s family, or landowners, pick up the pieces. Bio-Recovery is one of only a few companies based in NYC that specializes in cleaning up the aftermath of crime scenes and death.

Gospodarski said the city takes the official position that they can’t refer anybody to a private company due to conflict of interest. “The city can hire a tow truck, but they can’t hire somebody to clean up your husband or your child and make you deal with it.”

Don’t miss the charming video at the link . . .

We’ll Get Higher And Higher, Straight Up We’ll Climb!

All this and you can piss with a view? That’s what dreams are made of:

At CityView Racquet Club, high above Long Island City, members can play a few games of tennis or squash, then relax in the sauna or grab a bite prepared by the in-house chef. They can bump into pros like Andy Roddick and have their racquet strung by the same master. And they can use the urinal — not just any urinal, but one that sports stunning eye-level views of that other borough beyond the East River.

Leading Economic Indicators: Ice Cream Truck Thuggery

Or is the horrible truth about the ice cream truck business that it resembles Amway? Too many trucks, too little territory:

Few sounds evoke the languorous innocence of childhood summers like the jingle of a roving ice cream truck, its melody drawing streams of children clutching crumpled dollar bills.

In this part of Queens, however, ice cream trucks have become a symbol of sharp elbows, more reminiscent of “Goodfellas” than Good Humor. Martin Price has taken his white and aquamarine Kool Man truck through Maspeth, Glendale and Middle Village for 25 years, but he has complained to the police that a franchisee for Mr. Softee has warned him a dozen times over the past two seasons to stay out Maspeth and Middle Village.

The most recent threats came on July 22, Mr. Price said, when three Mr. Softee trucks and a green Ford Econovan carrying the franchisee converged on his Kool Man truck at 56th Road and 60th Street in Maspeth. The franchisee, who Mr. Price said did not identify himself, was carrying a baseball bat and, according to Mr. Price, warned him: “I bought the area.”

“You don’t own the street,” Mr. Price responded.

But he has been so scared by the possibility of violence that he has been staying away from Maspeth and parts of Middle Village at a cost of 40 percent of his business, he said.

Earlier: This Is No Softee.