Unsafe At Any Deed

That million-dollar luxury conversion you just bought in DUMBO is a dangerous firetrap:

In addition to a leaky roof and a substandard ventilation system, the luxury Bridge St. building owned by scandal-ridden developer Joshua Guttman would burn to ashes in no time because of a host of fire hazards — including a wooden parking garage and wooden staircases.

Exposed wires, virtually no fireproofing, and drywall that would burn twice as fast as the minimum standard required by the city fire code were attacked yesterday by condo owners who paid as much as $1 million to live there.

“I really believe that if there is a fire and people are not awake or don’t smell it, they aren’t getting out alive,” said attorney Adam Leitman Bailey, who filed a $36 million lawsuit on behalf of 38 condo owners.

Guttman is the owner of the Greenpoint Terminal Market — which burned down last spring under mysterious circumstances.

According to the report by Rand Engineering & Architecture, many of the walls are made of drywall and so flimsy it would take just one hour to turn them into ash.

. . .

Mark Shacket, a Broadway show manager who moved into the building in 2004, said that besides shoddy structural work, one of his biggest fears is escaping a fire.

“It’s sort of like you have to close your eyes and pray,” said Shacket, 34. “I’m at the end of a dead-end hallway so you just have to hope the sprinkler system is up to code.”

Guttman, who has owned five buildings that have caught on fire since 1992, did not return calls for comment.

See also: Greenpoint Terminal Market Fire.

If We Split It 25,000 Ways, It Comes Out To $200,000 Per Person

Or $446,428.57 a unit:

Although some call it a mission impossible, tenants of Stuyvesant Town and Peter Cooper Village said yesterday they’ll try to buy the mammoth Manhattan housing complex.

Metropolitan Life has put the 110 East Side apartment buildings up for sale, reportedly for $5 billion, and the tenants plan to compete with well-heeled developers to make a bid.

Nearly three-quarters of the apartments are protected by rent stabilization, but many of the 25,000 residents fear they’ll eventually be priced out of their homes if the 11,200-unit bastion of the middle class is bought by a private developer.

Some real estate experts said a tenant buyout of this size is unprecedented and faces enormous odds.

“I’ve never heard of one of this magnitude,” said Jonathan Miller, CEO of Miller Samuel, Manhattan real estate appraisers and consultants. “It’s too complex. Too many things can go wrong.”

But one organizer of the residents’ effort, City Councilman Daniel Garodnick (D-Manhattan), insisted that a tenant buyout can be successful with the help of private and public pension funds, governmental assistance and “socially conscious private sector investors.”

“And yes we expect to be able to put together a bid that is competitive and one that would be viewed favorably by MetLife and its shareholders,” said Garodnick, who lives in Peter Cooper Village.

I Was A Hippie, I Was A Burnout, I Was A Dropout, I Was Out Of My Head

After shocking us, revealing the real estate broker business’s seemy underbelly, coming to terms with the horrible truth about the industry, subsequently creating a stir and eventually carving out some middle ground, this week Brian Carter does some investigative reporting to determine who is entering this lucrative field:

Here at the [The New York Real Estate Institute] you can start your career after just one week of training. The state requirement for becoming a licensed agent is 45 hours of classes, and the successful completion of two multiple-choice exams.

. . .

While at the Institute, I spoke to Raul Mero, who, after just one day of classes, was excited about his future career. I asked Raul what inspired him to get his license. “A friend, an absolute burn out, this kid does nothing well . . . is closing six deals this month. If this kid can do it, so can I. Ridiculous.” It made sense to me. Raul just turned 32, and with his friend, the “burn out,” blazing the trail ahead, he was ready to leave his job in alternative marketing, which he explained simply meant handing stuff out to people on the street. Raul made no bones about it, he was in it for the money.

See also: Carter’s Rental Dementia blog.

The Golf Simulator Is Either A Coal-Mine Canary Or A Way Of “Empowering New Yorkers To Become The Overachievers That We’re All Expected To Be”

The latter is clever but developers don’t offer amenities unless they have to . . . the housing bubble is upon us:

When luxury condominiums open early next year at 20 Pine St., a former bank in the Financial District, tenants will be able to cap off their days by soaking in a Turkish bath, practicing their swings with a golf simulator, or perfecting their yoga poses in a private exercise studio.

Instead of hailing a taxi, those moving into 255 Hudson St. in SoHo will be able to slide behind the wheel of one of the vintage automobiles at the building’s disposal. Residents at 15 Central Park West will be able to watch a DVD in that condominium’s screening room or select a book from its private library. Meanwhile in Brooklyn, overwhelmed parents living at the Court Street Lofts can call on a “nanny concierge” to arrange playdates for their toddlers.

With a bevy of condos hitting the market, many residential developments are luring apartment-hunters with amenities that are transforming apartment buildings into veritable self-contained villages.

Call it “assisted living” for the family set.

“The market has demanded it,” a senior managing director of Corcoran Sunshine Marketing Group, Anne Young, said. “People in New York work so hard. At the end of the day, we do not want to leave our homes, but we still want the gracious lifestyle we think we’re entitled to. We want to go home to our own gym, our own movie theater, our own golf simulator.”

In this newly condo-crowded city, developers are looking to stand out, an executive vice president of Prudential Douglas Elliman, Tamir Shemesh, said. “They’re saying, ‘You’re going to pay $2,000 per square foot, but we’re going to give you extras that you won’t be able to find at other places,'” he said. “They’re not looking at reducing the price, but they are looking to give you more for your buck.”

. . .

The Ariel — two luxury high-rises in the West 90s — will offer tenants access to an on-site La Palestra fitness center, a billiards room, and a “pet salon,” where residents can “bathe their dog, without putting them into your tea-for-two tub in their $3 million home,” Ms. Trazzera said.

“We’re empowering New Yorkers to become the overachievers that we’re all expected to be,” a managing director of Corcoran Sunshine, Daniel Cordeiro, said.

Mr. Cordeiro said building-based services — from dog spas to steam rooms to at-your-service concierges — are quickly becoming commonplace in new condominiums. “To me, it’s like the Internet or a Blackberry,” he said. “It’s not a luxury anymore.”

He added: “These amenities, in hindsight, you think, ‘How could we live without this?'” [Emph. added to underscore hopeful spin]

Schools, Community Space, A YMCA And — Oh Yeah — A Multiplex

Plans for Kingsbridge Armory in the Bronx may be closer to Fine:

Ten years after winning control of the gigantic, castle-like Kingsbridge Armory, the city may be close to figuring out what to do with it.

Developer Peter Fine has pitched a plan — including schools, a YMCA, big and small retailers and a multiplex — to the local community board, and the process is inching forward.

. . .

The city inherited the 408,000-square-foot state armory — covering four city blocks — in 1996. Since then, plans have come and gone — but none garnered the required combination of financial backing, local support and political will.

Fine, head of Atlantic Development Group, one of New York’s largest developers of affordable housing, may become the first to nail down all three.

“We worked closely with local residents, civic leaders, clergy, education advocates and elected officials to create a community-oriented plan that delivers schools, jobs, athletic facilities, entertainment, retail and community space,” said Fine.

Fine has cultivated good relationships with many of the elected officials on a city task force overseeing the approval process, making significant campaign contributions. Like the plans preferred by the community, Fine’s includes public schools for 2,000 students, a 57,200-square-foot YMCA, another 13,000-25,000 square feet of community space, a retail portion with a major department store, a cinema and a parking garage.

Location scout: Kingsbridge Armory.