So If 300 Calories Costs X, 1,400 Calories Of Y Must Be A Great Value Then . . .

As Health Department-mandated chain restaurant calorie counts seem to be surviving last-minute legal maneuvers, some customers yawn:

In an unused corner of a Burger King on Hylan Boulevard, an official-looking sign goes unremarked.

Its tiny print, disclosing the nutritional facts of the fast food on offer, resembles nothing so much as the legal mumbo-jumbo that no one really wants to acknowledge.

But if the city Health Department gets its way, the information soon will be front and center.

Health Code 81.50 mandates that all New York restaurants that are part of a nationwide chain of 15 or more locations must post a calorie count on their menu.

The Restaurant Association, which claims that the proposed law goes against the First Amendment, has until Friday to seek a stay from an appellate court.

While some eateries, such as Starbucks, Quiznos, Jamba Juice and Chevy’s, have accepted the new regulations and posted nutritional information in restaurants, others, such as McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC and Taco Bell, have refused.

. . .

Freida Dibartolo, who admits to not being a regular customer of Burger King, agrees that information should be readily accessible, but doesn’t believe it will affect how people order.

“If you don’t eat it often, you don’t pay attention the few times you eat it. If you eat it everyday, you don’t give a (expletive),” said the Dongan Hills resident.

What Are You Going To Do, Make Me Pay?

If you conveniently forget what your mama taught you about taking something for nothing, it’s easy enough to ride a bus for free:

For commuters outraged over never-ending fare hikes and double digit tolls on the Verrazano-Narrows bridge, a little known Metropolitan Transportation Authority rule — and the compassion of many bus drivers — lets you hop on any city bus and ride for free.

All it costs is your dignity.

The process is simple: Hop on a bus and try one of the following:

1. Tell the driver you forgot your wallet.

2. Tell the driver you have no change.

3. Just ignore the driver and sit down.

We tried the first two and saw the third happen often enough. It worked like a charm nearly every time.

If you’re worried that the other passengers will shoot a disapproving glance your way, don’t.

On almost every occasion, fellow commuters were too busy with their papers, iPods or just staring out the window to care.

And then there’s the old school uniform tactic:

A New Dorp teen and her mother have recently sued New York City Transit and bus driver Richard Benjamin for more than $22.1 million. They allege the burly Benjamin hit the girl with a metal garbage can on the street last year after they argued over her failure to produce a MetroCard moments earlier when she boarded an S78 bus.

The lawsuit, filed by Lisa Marie Thompson and her mother, Annette Nash, in state Supreme Court, St. George, seeks $20 million in punitive damages and more than $2.15 million in compensatory damages from Benjamin and Transit.

Miss Thompson alleges “serious, multiple and permanent” injuries to her hand and emotional and psychological harm.

A Transit spokesman declined comment on the suit; however, the agency previously contended the teen was the aggressor.

Miss Thompson, then 14, got on the bus on Hylan Boulevard at Ebbitts Street around 8:10 a.m. on June 5, according to an interview she gave the Advance later that day for an article on the incident. The freshman at St. John Villa Academy in Arrochar was headed to school.

Miss Thompson said she was wearing her school uniform — a white short-sleeve shirt with Villa’s initials and a tan skirt — and advised the driver she’d forgotten her MetroCard. She told the Advance that other operators had previously let her ride the bus “at least five or six” times without a MetroCard, and she walked toward some friends seated in the back.

Miss Thompson said school officials had told students that city bus drivers could not refuse them a ride on school days provided they wear their uniforms.

Either That Or Expand The Definition Of “City” To Include Wakefield, Tottenville, Bayside And East New York So No One Feels Left Out

Better to decamp to Jackson, Prospect or even Morris Heights than whoring every detail of your life for clicks, according to the person who started it all (by portraying someone who started it all):

Budding Carrie Bradshaws better think about moving to Queens, says “Sex and the City” icon Sarah Jessica Parker.

Manhattan is bracing for another influx of Blahnik-wearing career girls after the film is released May 30. But New York is “a really hard city, and it’s very expensive and it’s not what it used to be,” Parker told me at the Cinema Society and Linda Wells’ screening of her new film, “Smart People.”

“That’s why the outer boroughs are so desirable,” she said. “The outer boroughs are pretty sexy. It’s just a matter of time before they have their own shows.”

Might Be More Popular If The Effort Weren’t Underwritten By Earl Scheib

You had me until you got to the part about slapping a couple coats of cheap house paint on my beautiful stone wall:

The public war against ugly graffiti scrawled on borough walls and fences must be fought on a private front.

And to help battle the “tags” on homes and businesses, City Councilmen James Oddo and Vincent Ignizio want Staten Islanders to sign a waiver that grants cleanup crews permission to enter private property with paint, power washers and solvents in hand, to clean up the mess as soon as it’s seen — for free.

When it comes to tackling the graffiti scourge, “the sooner you get it down, the better,” Oddo said.

But until now, waiting for permission from property owners has been the biggest source of delay.

To solve that problem and make the anti-graffiti efforts as persistent as the graffiti vandals, the councilmen will distribute the waivers to local home- and business owners in areas where graffiti is an issue.

“It’s hard enough to own a home or business without having to worry about idiots defacing your property,” Ignizio said.

Once the paperwork is signed, graffiti removal teams can clean up any defaced property, but before signing, be warned: The waiver stipulates the paint may be done in blocks or patches, and the paint color may not match exactly and may cover natural stone.

So far, two homeowners and two businesses, including Planet Wings on Lincoln Avenue in Grant City have taken up the offer.

“Even if you don’t have it now, send it back so we can go on your property immediately and bring it down,” Oddo said of the graffiti, which he called “an Islandwide embarrassment.”

On The Bright Side, It Will Serve As A Nice Anecdote In Her Memoir

And she’ll be better able to deal when Gawker commenters trip over themselves to poke fun at her weight:

Think of someone you don’t like. Write the name down on a piece of paper and fold it in half.

That’s what 7-year-old Tiana Camacho and other students in her second-grade class at PS 18 in West Brighton were asked to do. Her parents were outraged — especially when several of Tiana’s young classmates wrote her name on their papers.

“My child is very sensitive,” said Ana Camacho, Tiana’s mother. “Something like that would not help her.”

The school’s principal did not return a message left with a secretary. Department of Education spokeswoman Margie Feinberg, speaking on the principal’s behalf, did not have details on the assignment but said it was intended to improve students’ oral and written skills.

“They were understanding what it means to interview people,” Ms. Feinberg said. “It was a request to interview someone whom they don’t get along with.”

Parents said they might believe that if the teacher hadn’t read out the names of the students.

“[The teacher] went about it the wrong way,” said Mrs. Camacho. “Children shouldn’t be exposed to something like that at such a young age.”

Apparently, officials at the department didn’t think it was a very effective project, either. According to Feinberg, the teacher was given a verbal warning.

“Poor judgment was used,” Ms. Feinberg said. “There was a conference and a discussion with the teacher.”

Officials wouldn’t release the teacher’s name, but parents identified her as Linda Jacobellis.

The student, Tiana, was stunned and saddened by the incident. She said her teacher was fun to be around, which made this assignment unusually upsetting. Ms. Jacobellis supposedly explained to the class that they were given the assignment because many of the classmates don’t get along. But never did Tiana expect that she would be picked.

“She called my name a few times and I had to go to the front of the room,” Tiana said. “I was sad. I thought I was everybody’s friend.”