Run To The (Dongan) Hills, Run For Your Lives!

This obviously will become a top YouTube download:

Cops on the North Shore are hoping to give attention-starved graffiti suspects a different kind of notoriety — by featuring their mug shots in a DVD video set to heavy metal and reggae tunes.

The video, put together by the 120th Precinct’s anti-graffiti squad, is set to go out to community leaders, politicians and police brass, and may find its way into school assemblies.

It shows before-and-after pictures of graffiti clean-up jobs at hundreds of different spots on the North Shore, as music by AC/DC, Iron Maiden and Green Day blares in the background.

And it’s capped off by mug shot photos of nearly three dozen graffiti suspects, as their alleged tags scroll up the screen, shown to the tune of “Bad Boys” by Inner Circle.

. . .

The DVD’s parade of mug shots ends with a close-up on Russell Farriola, 20, of West Brighton, who cops refer to as the Island’s top graffiti vandal. Using the tag “Aloe,” Farriola waged a one-year graffiti campaign on dozens of spots on the North Shore, cops allege.

Farriola’s lawyer, Jason Leventhal, declined to comment about his client being included in the video, except to say, “It is what it is.”

Punch-Packing Cheese Is New Dorpese For Something Totally Incomprehensible

Actually, “Do you want some cheese?” seems to be New Dorpese for “What’s the frequency, Kenneth?” but no one is really sure:

A New Dorp man faces an array of misdemeanor assault and drug charges after he asked a youth, “Do you want some cheese?” and then punched him in the face, cops allege.

Police said the suspect, Michael Stuto, 23, of Ebbitts Street, was carrying a box containing Xanax pills and marijuana at the time of the assault, which happened at the corner of New Dorp Lane and Ebbitts Street at 7 a.m. Monday.

The “cheese” comment isn’t explained in court papers, and a law enforcement source was at a loss yesterday to explain what it meant.

Stuto broke the victim’s glasses and gave him a fat lip with the punch, according to court papers.

(See what else you can do with cheese on Staten Island.)

Well Would You Go Carjacking In A Place That’s Known As A Haven For Organized Crime?

Staten Island gamers take umbrage with the contention of Grand Theft Auto IV creators that there is no there there:

Imagine, if you will, that you are Niko Bellic, the main character of Grand Theft Auto IV, a video game due out in October. With free rein in Liberty City, a meticulously rendered stand-in for New York, you can carjack a hot rod in Dumbo and zoom down the Manhattan Bridge at 140 miles per hour. If you’re short on cash, you can mug a tourist in Times Square or stick up a group of workers on the Red Hook piers.

One thing you can’t do, however, is cruise along Victory Boulevard. Nor are you allowed to wreak havoc in the shops of Hylan Plaza or drop a body in the wilds of Fresh Kills. For all of the game’s fine-tuned detail about New York, Staten Island is not among the locales where players can steal cars, crash into buildings and terrorize local residents.

That has some local gamers upset.

“It makes no sense,” wrote a user named KingGoonie on the discussion board Digg.com a few days ago. In the opinion of KingGoonie, the island’s reputation as a haven for organized crime and under-age drinking makes it an ideal setting for game play. “It is a more relevant borough then Queens and Bronx.”

Players of the game, in which Niko arrives in Liberty City to steal cars, commit crimes and generally move up in the world, may recognize the familiar contours of Algonquin, which looks a lot like Manhattan, and the borough of Broker, dotted with brownstones strikingly similar to those found in Park Slope.

But even though the game includes a place remarkably like New Jersey (Alderney), there is no Staten Island-like level.

A Bomb Threat, Like Comedy, Is All About Timing

Just ask Fat Kenny:

A New Brighton teen’s “stupid” decision to call in a bomb scare to his high school two days after the Virginia Tech University massacre has landed him in jail.

Steven Suarez, 17, of Stanley Avenue, was hanging out with his girlfriend and some buddies on April 18, when, authorities say, he caved in to peer pressure and called 911 to falsely report a bomb inside Susan Wagner High School, forcing an evacuation.

“As stupid as I am, I took ‘Fat Kenny’s’ phone and called,” Suarez reportedly confessed to the cops, according to a law enforcement source. “I’m sorry. We were making prank calls for fun.”

Authorities didn’t identify “Fat Kenny,” but the source said Suarez used the teen’s father’s phone, and police were able to trace the call to him.

It wasn’t clear if Suarez, who attends Wagner, was truant at the time of the 2:20 p.m. phone call.

Suarez was arrested Monday and charged with second- and third-degree falsely reporting an incident, both misdemeanors.

If convicted at trial on the top charge, Suarez could face up to a year in jail.

According to court papers, the call — “There is a bomb in Susan Wagner High School” — was recorded by the 911 system.

Suarez’s father, Thomas, insists that the police pressured his son to confess by saying they’d spare his girl friend.

“I don’t know what happened,” his father told the Advance yesterday. “He told me ‘Fat Kenny’ made the call.”

The elder Suarez said he didn’t know Fat Kenny’s real name, saying he doesn’t keep tabs on his son’s friends.

Bonnie, Clyde Or . . . Butch Cassidy?

Law enforcement officers cared very little about offending the bank robber:

Was it Clyde? Or was it Bonnie?

For a while yesterday, the cops were mired in gender confusion.

Police contended with two wildly different descriptions of a midday bandit who robbed a Castleton Corners bank of $1,600.

Cops finally zeroed in on a good description of their crook — a 200-pound, 5 foot, 5-inch-tall woman, wearing sunglasses, a red hat on backwards, and a suede jacket.

She got in line, like everyone else at the Commerce Bank branch at 1818 Victory Blvd., then when she got to the teller, passed a note demanding cash, a police source said yesterday.

She got the money in 10s and 20s, and ran toward Jewett Avenue.

And as she made her escape, police scoured the area with a helicopter, while a police dispatcher wrestled with how to describe the robber over the air.

“Give me one description, please! Thank you,” the dispatcher shouted over the police radio airwaves, just after two separate officers each insisted they had the right description — one thought the bandit was a woman, the other thought the crook was a 300-pound man.

A veteran cop said the robber pulled the same type of job at the Commerce Bank at 2173 86th Street in Brooklyn at about 4:20 p.m. Saturday, despite initial reports that the robber in that job was male as well.

“I get the impression she does have manly features,” the source said.

. . .

One witness, a construction worker who wouldn’t give his name, insisted he saw a man, not a woman, “waddling out of the parking lot.”

“They’ve been saying it’s a girl. I’m telling you, he wasn’t a girl. It was an old man . . . in his late 40s,” the witness said.

Yesterday’s robbery comes just two days after a flamboyant, cigar-chomping robber who walked with a cane got a nearly $60,000 haul from a Richmond County Savings Bank branch in Great Kills.

(By the way, is there something going on in Staten Island lately that makes it such a target for bank robberies?)