You Can’t Believe People Can Get Off Like That, And Then They Do

The perv who got caught because of his website gets off on a technicality:

Five times last year, porn actor and registered sex offender Kenneth Hoyt allegedly exposed himself and started masturbating on Manhattan subways — once in front of two 16-year-old girls.

But the whole bundle of misdemeanor charges — including seven counts of public lewdness, one count of indecent exposure and two counts of endangering the welfare of a child — were dismissed by a criminal court judge last week.

The reason? Prosecutors with the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office missed the legal deadline for bringing the Hell’s Kitchen perv to trial in a timely manner — by only four days.

ADA Amir Vonsover, who was the lead prosecutor on the case, conceded it was now too late to bring Hoyt to justice.

Hoyt left court smiling Thursday after his legal windfall. He declined to comment except to say he enjoyed the prospect of the District Attorney’s Office being embarrassed by their snafu.

“That’d be good,” he grinned.

Come On, You Don’t Think I Already Understand The Risk Of Eating Ceviche I Bought In A City Park?

When the story of who killed the Red Hook Ballfields is written it will turn out that we are all guilty:

Honduras Maya, a restaurant owned by one of the vendors that serves Latin American food on weekends at the Red Hook Ball Fields, was closed down by the Health Department this week after an inspection stemming from the city’s crackdown on the vendors.

The shutdown could merely be a taste of what’s to come if the 13 food vendors at the ball fields fail to meet strict health code requirements by this weekend. And the city’s Department of Parks and Recreation may not extend the vendors’ temporary permit — which officially expires after Labor Day — until the soccer season ends in late October, as earlier promised.

. . .

Cesar Fuentes, executive director of the Food Vendors Committee of Red Hook Park, said health inspectors are expected to start issuing fines — or shutting down vendors — this weekend for not meeting requirements like providing hot and cold running water, refrigeration, and preparing food in commercial kitchens rather than at home.

Suany Carcamo, the owner of Honduras Maya, has been operating a Honduran food stand specializing in baleadas at the ball fields for more than a decade. Fuentes said her restaurant was investigated by the city’s Department of Health and Mental Hygiene as a follow-up to a letter she submitted to prove that she was preparing her food for the stand in a city-certified commercial kitchen — her own restaurant.

The Park Slope restaurant received 122 violation points, compared to the citywide average of 14 points, according to the inspection report. Among the 20 violations listed were: missing Choking First Aid, Alcohol and Pregnancy, and Wash Hands signs; evidence of flying insects and mice; toilet facility not maintained and provided with toilet paper; and wiping cloths dirty or not stored in proper sanitizing equipment.

The owners were not available for comment by press time. An employee, when reached by phone, confirmed that the restaurant had been shut down.

But Carcamo could be viewed as one of the lucky vendors. She is one of only two that also owns a restaurant, while many of the others are struggling to find a commercial or community kitchen certified by the Health Department where they can prepare their food.

“The report from my vendors is that it is basically very, very difficult to do,” said Fuentes. After word traveled that Honduras Maya was shut down, “a lot of people were denying vendors the use [of their facilities] out of fear that the Department of Health would enforce harshly.

“Anyone who doesn’t have that letter wouldn’t be allowed to sell,” he said.

(The vendors do nothing to conceal it, we visit there because we want to eat it, we blame the Health Department for being there, but we are all there . . .)

I guess it’s back to those old reliable subway churros for us . . .

Vallone Also Understands The Creepy Subtext Of Hitchcock’s Rear Window

That telescope you set up in the bay window is one thing (New York City astronomer . . . sure!) but now even idle gazing may get you in trouble, too*:

At one time or another, many New Yorkers unwittingly find themselves staring into the window of an adjacent building and spotting a neighbor in a state of undress. It’s almost unavoidable among the city’s close quarters and some might go so far as to call it a beloved pastime. But it may become illegal under new legislation before the City Council.

Council Member Peter Vallone Jr. of Queens is proposing to outlaw voyeurism by extending a state law that forbids non-consensual peeping with cameras to peeping with the naked eye.

In addition to targeting repeat offenders who crane their necks to peer under the dresses of women scampering up and down subway stairs, the legislation would also crack down on anyone caught staring into the window of a private bedroom or bathroom.

. . .

While the bill was designed to deal with repeat offenders who do their peeping in public, Mr. Vallone acknowledged that, “invariably, other situations are going to get caught up in this.”

Vallone of course is pretty proficient when it comes to devising constitutionally problematic legislation . . .

*And the first on the list will be these people . . .

What, Frighted With False Fire?

As city officials stumble upon even more impressive ways to waste money (a $114,762 electricity bill for a building not even open, for example*), one of the better Leona Helmsley anecdotes is resurrected:

In 235 counts in state and federal indictments, the Helmsleys were accused of using money from their hotel and real estate empires to buy a $1 million marble dance floor above a swimming pool, a $210,000 mahogany card table and $500,000 worth of jade objets d’art. Mrs. Helmsley was also charged with defrauding Helmsley stockholders by receiving $83,333 a month in secret consulting fees.

Mr. Helmsley, then 80 and suffering deficiencies in reasoning and memory, was found mentally unfit to stand trial. As Mrs. Helmsley was tried, a series of prosecution witnesses described a spiteful, extravagant, foul-mouthed woman who terrified her underlings. In the most celebrated line of testimony, a former Helmsley housekeeper testified that Mrs. Helmsley had once told her, “Only the little people pay taxes.”

*They must not have gotten to the David Owens’ piece in last week’s New Yorker that refutes the argument for security lighting; maybe it’s still sitting next to the leaky toilet?

Studies Find That Outrage Increased In The Period Between August 2005 And August 2007

As a Sunday Styles piece, it’s a convenient way to mollify fickle offspring. In the hands of the New York Sun, it’s one of the most disturbing trends to hit our thoroughly debased culture:

For New Yorkers without the time, space, or willingness to commit to owning a dog, a new share program launching in Manhattan next month offers pets for rent.

Singles who don’t own pets but want excuses to chat up dog lovers at city parks, for example, can break the ice with Jackpot, a midnight-black Labrador retriever billed as a “happy dog who loves everyone,” who can be a best friend for a month, a week, or an hour.
While researchers tout the positive impact of spending time with pets, the rent-a-dog program, FlexPetz, is seen as a “shocking” development by veterinarians, dog trainers, and longtime pet owners. Veterinarians say renting out dogs could inflict permanent damage to their psyches, as multiple owners could muddle their understanding of loyalty.

“The whole point of having a dog is having a relationship,” a veterinarian and health director of the doggie day care center Biscuits & Bath, Deborah Sarfaty, said. “It’s not like wearing a piece of jewelry. Dogs get attached quickly and then it’s lifted away from them, which is cruel.”

. . .

FlexPetz members pay a monthly fee of $50, a “daily doggy time charge” of up to $40, and a yearly membership fee of $250. The dogs, most of which Ms. Cervantes and her team adopt from local shelters, are put through extensive training before they are sent into homes. Members also go through a rigorous screening process, Ms. Cervantes said. The dogs, most of which sleep at day care centers when they’re not working, can be delivered to a member’s home or office for $18 a trip.