Glad That’s Out Of The Way

For the record:

For the record, Mr. Koch, a lifelong bachelor, declines to say whether he is gay. “I do not want to add to the acceptability of asking every candidate, ‘Are you straight or gay or lesbian?’ and make it a legitimate question, so I don’t submit to that question. I don’t care if people think I’m gay because I don’t answer it. I’m flattered that at 84 people are interested in my sex life — and, it’s quite limited.”

Some Places Erect Statues — In America We Celebrate Our Heroes By Making Online Video Games Out Of Them

I don’t know — is it any worse than the 9/11-inspired video game? Develop your hand-eye coordination by practicing ditching a plane in the river. What can I say — people just love success stories:

It was only a matter of time before some clown made a video game about the Hudson River plane ditching.

Links are quickly being spread on the Internet of “Hero on the Hudson” — a game where you have to use your left and right arrow keys to land a jet onto the river.

The game is about as primitive as you can get, as many of the games are on Addictinggames.com. Of the 3,117 votes received, 75% give it a thumbs down. I’m not sure if it’s because the game is lame or if it’s in bad taste, or both.

“Pop” A Tax On Their Ass!

The best thing about the soda tax (and probably fishing, too) is that it makes people that much more enthusiastic about the prospect of soaking the rich. Bwahahaha:

New York State voters oppose the so-called “obesity tax” on nondiet soft drinks by a resounding margin of 60 percent to 37 percent, but support, by an even more overwhelming margin of 84 percent to 13 percent, raising the state income tax on people who make more than $1 million per year, according to results of a Quinnipiac University poll released on Wednesday.

Even those who prefer diet sodas — which would be exempt from the proposed 18 percent sales tax — said they opposed the measure (58 percent to 39 percent), while drinkers of regular sodas opposed the idea by an even stronger margin (64 percent to 31 percent). Majorities of Democrats, Republicans and independents surveyed all opposed the proposed tax, though by varying margins.

(In an amusing aside, the Quinnipiac poll noted, “Independent voters are the most weight conscious on the political spectrum as 37 percent prefer diet soft drinks, compared to 27 percent of Republicans and 30 percent of Democrats.”)

Meanwhile, support for the so-called “millionaires’ tax” extended even to Republicans, who favored the measure, by a margin of 72 percent to 27 percent. Gov. David A. Paterson has expressed opposition to raising taxes on wealthy voters, but has suggested that there might be no other option if the state budget crisis continues to fester.

While Large Swaths Of The Outer Boroughs Lack Bus Service, Much Less Subway Service And Nearly Every Other City In The World Closes Its Subway System In The Middle Of The Night . . .

. . . some are trying to raise a stink about forcing people to walk literally one block to an open subway station between the hours of 11 p.m. and 6 a.m. The MTA shouldn’t feel sorry at all* . . . we have gold-plated subway service:

Without additional funding, the MTA says it will lock up the City Hall and Rector St. stations on the Broadway line in Manhattan between 11 p.m. and 6 a.m., as well as the Lawrence St. station in downtown Brooklyn. Currently, N trains — and only N trains — make those stops.

That news didn’t sit well with riders waiting for a ride at Rector St. around midnight recently.

“I need this station,” said Eric Marin, 33, of Bay Ridge, said after another late at night in at the office.

“To take it away would make it virtually impossible for me to get home late at night.”

The MTA also plans to raise fares in June, although they just went up in March.

“I think that given the fact that every time you turn around, there’s a fare increase, I’d assume services were at least being maintained,” Marin said. “Otherwise, what are you paying for?”

Without Rector St., riders would have to walk to the Lexington Ave. line stations at Wall St. or Bowling Green for trips that would require additional transfers to get home.

*Waiting thirty minutes for trains in the middle of the night, on the other hand . . .

What, Is He Trying To Stay A Feature On Weekend Update Or Something?

This is cool. I can think of a bunch of other cool shit to tax, too:

The Paterson administration, working to close the largest deficit in state history, unveiled an austerity budget on Tuesday that would include 137 new or increased taxes and fees, loosened restrictions on gambling and $9 billion worth of spending cuts.

. . .

The governor, addressing the Legislature, acknowledged that getting lawmakers to pass his budget would not be easy.

“The other day somebody threw a pair of shoes at President Bush,” he said. “At the end of this budget presentation, if that’s the most severe punishment I get, I’ll sign for it now.”

. . .

While there were no broad-based income tax increases, there were all manner of new taxes, fees, fines or other assessments, expected to raise $4 billion next year.

The tax proposals are likely to touch almost every New Yorker in some way. The most notable new tax is an 18 percent levy on sugary soft drinks. But many other existing taxes would increase. The tax on car rentals would rise to 6 percent from 5 percent. Taxes on beer and wine would more than double. Taxes on gasoline, cable and satellite TV service, cigars and flavored malt beverages would also go up. And the cost of owning and operating a car would rise significantly, with 16 fee increases. The governor also proposed allowing wine sales in grocery stores and drug stores, which is expected to raise $105 million in the next fiscal year, mostly through licensing fees.

Taxes include downloaded music (“Downloads were exempt from the state sales tax because, unlike CDs and DVDs, they are not tangible goods. But under the current budget proposal, a 99-cent song on iTunes will now cost $1.07.”), sugary drinks, cigars and just about everything else you can think of:

The Draconian plan calls for:

* An “iTunes tax” of 4 percent on videos, music or pictures downloaded from the Internet.

* A 4 percent tax on taxi, limo and bus rides. That means a $10 cab ride would cost 40 cents more.

* A 4 percent entertainment tax on tickets to movies, concerts and sporting events. That would add nearly 50 cents to a $12 movie ticket or $1.80 to the cheapest $44.50 seat at a Knicks game.

* The tax on beer increases 24 cents per gallon, or more than double the current rate, which means about 30 cents a case.

* An 18 percent tax on nondiet soft drinks, which aims to reduce child obesity. A $1.50 can of Pepsi would then cost at least 25 cents more.

* A 4 percent tax on cable TV and satellite services, raising a $100 bill by $4.

* Hiking the cost of “personal” services — including haircuts, manicures, pedicures, massages and gym memberships — by 4 percent.

* A 4 percent sales tax on clothing and shoes under $500, except for two weeks out of the year.

* Elimination of the law that caps the state sales tax on gasoline at 8 cents per gallon.

On the bright side, the plan would allow wine sales in grocery stores, the news of which sent stocks in Chateau Diana tumbling.

Oh, and the cuts in spending could mean massive city layoffs, the prospect of which seems less and less like posturing by city officials as day after day of bad news comes out.

You know, now that I think about it, taxing seems like a lot of fun. Here is my wish list:

• A tax on pure-bred animals, including dogs and cats, with an added surcharge for “large” dogs
• A tax on chunky black-framed glasses — the “Hipster Tax”
• A tax on semi-colons (overused; myself included), and verbosity, especially in the workplace
• A tax on farmed fish, mostly because I’m tired of seeing Tilapia everywhere
• A tax on soap — that would raise a bunch of cash! — coupled with a tax on colonge
• A tax on chumps and suckers because, well, they’re chumps and suckers