Genius Branding

The Beckhams have their own fragrances, now the South Bronx will have one as well:

The smells of one South Bronx building are about to get a lot better, thanks to green guru Majora Carter.

The MacArthur “genius” Award winner is planning to pump a “bright, grassy” new perfume into a Hunts Point apartment building to replace the usual sewage plant and truck exhaust odors.

Carter hopes her new fragrance — called L’Eau Verte du Bronx du Sud, or “Green Water of the South Bronx” — will perk up tenants and brighten their day.

. . .

Building manager Sal Gigante said tenants will definitely prefer L’Eau Verte du Bronx du Sud to a more traditional borough bouquet — “decaying rat carcass.”

At Least It’s Good For Something

The Times interviews the beleaguered people who live along the Cross-Bronx Expressway:

For the tens of thousands of commuters who pass through the tangled crossing each day, the drive is a grinding torture. But for many of those who live alongside the Cross Bronx, the slow-moving river of traffic provides not only a steady soundtrack, but also entertainment, consolation and even wisdom.

. . .

Mr. Ramirez, a retired police officer, smokes a cigar every afternoon as he walks his dog, Peanut, on a patch of grass overlooking the highway intersections.

“You think you’re the only person on the planet, but you come here and see all the people,” he said, gesturing with his cigar stub to a line of cars. “It clears my mind. I don’t feel alone when I come here.”

“If I’m having trouble with my wife,” he added, “I come here and watch the traffic. I thought I had problems, but look at these poor people. They sit in this traffic every day. These people have it so bad compared to me.”

Here’s an idea for the busybodies at the Department of Transportation — why not throw a bone to the truckers for once and make the Cross-Bronx Expressway trucks only during busy times? Because reducing congestion isn’t just for Manhattan, right?

The Yankees Hate Your Children

Someone should see if obesity rates have soared — literally soared! — around the area where no new parks have been built:

Three and a half years after Mayor Bloomberg closed huge portions of Mullaly and Macombs Dam parks to make way for the Yankees new $1.5 billion stadium, the replacement ballfields the city promised are nowhere to be seen.

. . .

Shea Stadium, in case anyone has forgotten, came tumbling down in fewer than eight months. It was leveled quickly because the Mets needed the land for parking.

Location Scout: New Yankee Stadium.

Moral: Don’t Live Anywhere Near A Failing Business

New York’s Bravest seem to spend a lot of time cleaning up insurance scams:

From the time he purchased the American Diner in 2006 to the moment his Norwood-area restaurant went up in smoke six weeks ago, Mohammed Quadir tried everything to keep his business afloat. He changed the name, focused on cleanliness, tweaked the menu and introduced new specials and discounts. He even hosted play readings and a gothic-style wedding.

He often solicited his customers’ advice, looking for any way to bring back the crowds that once packed the East 204th Street diner, a popular neighborhood gathering spot since it was the Chariot Diner under different owners in the 1990s.

Nothing seemed to work.

This winter, according to city fire marshals and the Bronx District Attorney’s Office, in a final attempt to recoup something from his flailing business venture, Quadir hired a man to set fire to the American Diner — a fire that destroyed not only the restaurant but also the sole neighborhood supermarket and a dentist’s office — and then filed a hefty insurance claim.

The Governor/Mayor’s Plan To Go After Sugar Hits A Snag

Apparently the cops need stuff to do:

Two Bronx men were locked up and left to rot in a filthy jail cell for nearly a week after a pair of bumbling cops mistook their candy for a bag of crack.

The “drugs” were finally tested five days later and determined to be popular Coco (coconut) Candy. The charges were dropped — but there were no apologies from the NYPD.

“Sweet happens,” a police source glibly said of the boondoggle.

. . .

The trouble began the night of Jan. 15, as José Pena, a 48-year-old plumber, and his longtime pal and colleague Cesar Rodriguez, 33, were headed to a party, and decided to stop at a bodega on 181st Street and the Grand Concourse.

When they came out, cops were waiting and asked to search their Ford minivan. “I said ‘Go search.’ I even opened the door,” Rodriguez told The Post.

An officer rummaged around, came out holding a “Hello Kitty” sandwich bag, and shouted “Bingo!” the men said.

“It’s only candy!” Rodriguez said, as the cops handcuffed him and Pena, and several other police cars rushed to the scene.

Rodriguez said he buys a 50-cent bag of Coco Candy, a hard coconut-based treat, almost every day. Because it easily crumbles, he puts it in a sandwich bag.

“I didn’t know having candy was a crime,” he said.