Thor — Rawr! — Son Of Odin, Thrower Of Thunder, The Great Muzzler

Tenants set to be displaced by Thor’s all-powerful thunderbolt are under a strict gag order as per the terms of their lease with the developer:

A dozen business owners have vowed to stay mute about the amusement mecca’s future because of an airtight provision of their leases that threatens severe penalties for talking — even during crucial public hearings planned for this year.

“Everyone is going to have to shrug their shoulders and say nothing, and that’s exactly what they want,” said Dianna Carlin, owner of the now-closed Boardwalk shop Lola Staar Souvenir Boutique.

“They want to bulldoze through this whole thing,” she said of developer Thor Equities.

The sweeping clause in the leases — most of them signed by short-term tenants in buildings scooped up along the Boardwalk — threatens $10,000 fines for each offense and even eviction for squawking about “the redevelopment activities” on Coney Island.

The clause also bars attendance at parades, marches, other public events and petition signings until three years after the lease is terminated — demands that would conceivably keep tenants from speaking during a city-mandated public land review process this year.

Not to worry, though — Dick Zigun will pick up the slack:

Others doubted the clause would stifle opposition during a public review expected to go through Community Board 13, the borough president’s office and the city Council before reaching Mayor Bloomberg.

“If people need to sign a lease for one more year, that takes priority over speaking out in public,” said Dick Zigun, president of Coney Island USA, an arts and community group. “Coney Island has enough loudmouths, including me, to speak out about development.”

You Should Go Out Of Business More Often!

Things you don’t often see include “Closeout — Everything Must Go!” signs at bars:

The JRG Restaurant and Fashion Cafe — which is on Flatbush Avenue between Atlantic and Fifth avenues — is having a hedonistic last hurrah before it is torn down to make way for Ratner’s Atlantic Yards mega-development.

The bar, which is in the way of the Frank Gehry–designed arena, is liquidating its stock in a $30, all-you-can drink bacchanal.

And rest assured — that cash won’t buy you mere swill.

“It’s all premium liquor — we’re not talking house wine,” said the bar’s general manager Ray Rodriguez. Even better, the $30 gets you 15 percent off all food, which is a substance sometimes ingested during alcoholic binges.

. . .

The liquoricious deal will last only as long as the bar-cum-restaurant-cum-fashion house does — through the end of the month.

That’s because the premises are owned by Forest City Ratner, which has said it intends to start demolition for its 16-tower development as early as next month.

Location Scout: Atlantic Yards.

Modern America’s Emptiest Promise: “Whatever You Come Looking For, It’s All Going To Be There”

The Daily News reports that Astroland will soon be transformed into a glittery hulking mass of commercialism and obsequiousness:

The big-bucks developer who bought Coney Island’s oldest amusement park plans to replace it with a glitzy $250 million playground anchored by a roller coaster that dips under the Boardwalk, the Daily News has learned.

Double the size of Astroland, the multitiered park will include 21 rides, a hotel, a manmade canal for boat rides, a glass-encased atrium and commercial space.

“We’re trying to deliver on the promise of what Coney Island is,” said Chris Durmick, creative director of Thinkwell Design & Production, the California group that is drawing up the 6-acre plan. “Whatever you come looking for at Coney Island, it’s all going to be there.”

A Newer, Much More Invasive Clam Settles On Staten Island

“Invasive clam species” just sounds terrifying:

An invasive clam species has been discovered near Brook’s Pond in Clove Lakes Park — the first documented spotting of the small Asian shellfish within the five boroughs.

About 40 golden-colored Corbicula fluminea — which eat the same plankton as native clams, small fish and baby turtles, potentially threatening their food supply — were found last month by College of Staten Island biology professor Dr. Albert Burchsted.

Because each clam is capable of breeding up to 400 clams per day when the water is warm, the population could quickly swell into the thousands this summer, he said.

“These clams suck all the nutritive organisms out of the water column,” Burchsted said, adding that it’s only a matter of time before the “explosive” breeders take over the pond — and likely show up in other ponds and lakes on Staten Island.

Burchsted said the clams — which according to the American Museum of Natural History has until now been found in this region only on Long Island, upstate and in the Raritan River in New Jersey — were likely transported here as they stuck to the feet of birds which had been to the bodies of water where the clams breed. They also could have been used as bait by fishermen, who disposed of them in the pond.

Varying from dime-size to the size of a silver dollar, the Asian clams were introduced into the Columbia River, near Knappton, Wash., in 1938, possibly as a food item, according to Museum of Natural History records. (The clams are commonly used as food in some Asian cultures). The Asian clam, which can now be found in nearly 40 states, likely reached New York state sometime before 1997, according to the museum.

. . .

The Parks Department is aware that the clam exists in Brook’s Pond; however, there are no plans to attempt to remove them. Eradicating the clam would involve dredging every square inch of silt in the pond, which would be impossible, Burchsted said.

Fedders, Friedrich And The Fifth Avenue Social Scene

All over Brooklyn the use of the stoop is declining, leading to a public campaign to preserve the culture:

Brooklyn’s legendary brownstone stoops are little more than speed bumps for the borough’s career-addled, stroller-burdened and iPod-addicted residents, a new Parsons School of Design study has found.

“There are not a whole lot of people taking the time to sit on stoops anymore,” said Chelsea Briganti, one of three Parsons undergraduates working on a report and an awareness campaign that they’ve titled, “Sit Here.”

Briganti said the project aims to understand and address “the decreasing culture of social interaction formerly known as ‘stoop culture.'”

So far the findings have been depressing. The youngest wave of Park Slope residents prefers bars to stoops.

“They all say they wish there was more public culture,” Briganti said, “but they go to Southpaw [a Fifth Avenue rock club]” instead of sitting on stoops.

Well, duh! Wouldn’t you rather go to Southpaw to see something like, for example, Christopher Moltisanti’s new indie band? Exactly:

With the success and awards [Michael] Imperioli has garnered in the acting world, including a resume of roles in films helmed by the prestigious likes of Martin Scorsese and Spike Lee, and the media frenzy that’s sure to ignite in April when the final season of “The Sopranos” kicks off, one can’t help but wonder: why is Imperioli launching a rock band now?

With a steady gaze, and some fidgeting with his cell phone, the Tribeca-based actor explained that in part, his decision was based on “living through that 9-11 shit.”

. . .

Imperioli, 40, also revealed that [La Dolce Vita]’s set list primarily consists of original songs — written by the band as well as material Imperioli penned between 1986 and 1996.

. . .

“In some ways, [my songs] were written in a different time period,” said Imperioli, who claims to be a fan of Robert Pollard of Guided by Voices and Courtney Love. But Imperioli’s material is being arranged now with Amitin and Tighe, whom he describes as “great musicians.

. . .

Summing up their sound as New York-influenced, raw and gritty, the trio is humming with excitement over their upcoming Southpaw date, where they will share the bill with Death of Fashion and Generals and Majors. Rather than focusing their energies on long-term achievements like contracts and recording CDs, the LDV boys are just happy for another opportunity to share their music.