Port Authority PR Department On Roll

“Baggage handlers, jetway workers and even security people are all in on the ongoing scam to steal you blind” and then they’ll fine you when you refuse to turn off your iPad and the plane is delayed while they arrest you:

Be careful the next time you get into a spat with a flight attendant before takeoff: The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey announced yesterday it will start fining passengers who delay planes.

The new rule is effective immediately, said Port Authority spokesman Steve Coleman.

Another Reason Why It’s Not A Good Idea To Live With Your Mother Into Your 50s

Then again, you do always want to raise your children to be independently minded productive members of society:

[A man], 54, sued his mom [. . .] now 86, for leg injuries he suffered four years ago when he fell on a staircase leading to an apartment he rented from her.

[The man], who fractured his femur and was laid up for seven months, has settled his $5 million lawsuit with his mother’s insurance carrier for $400,000, said his lawyer [. . .].

While some folks are reluctant to sue a relative or friend over an accident for fear of straining or even severing their relationship, [the lawyer] says there’s no reason to flinch from litigation, particularly if the party alleged to be at fault has insurance.

The Conquistador-Lost Cities Of Gold Headlines Write Themselves

Then again, I never really understood what bumper cars had to do with lost cities of gold:

This may be your last summer to bump your a– off in Coney Island.

Developer Joe Sitt is considering closing Surf Avenue’s Eldorado Auto Skooter after buying the property from longtime owner Sheila Fitlin earlier this month, but plans are in motion to make sure that the classic Surf Avenue electric bumper car ride — whose famed pink sign told visitors to “bump your ass off” — will remain open for one more season.

Location Scout: Coney Island Amusement Core.

We Should Be So Lucky The Economy Is Strong Enough To Have “Crowds” Flocking Anywhere, Even One Block From Times Square

Only a New York City community board could worry that a $100-per-person restaurant might create “noise and crowds”:

The high-end restaurant, where dinners can cost more than $100 per person, first went before the Community Board 4 liquor licensing committee early last year, with a targeted opening date of November 2011.

The committee approved the request for the 250-seat establishment, but at least one resident expressed concerns that the restaurant would be a detriment to the neighborhood, drawing noise and crowds.

Community Boards should have Twitter accounts, their shit is that funny. And now you see why the only people who take Community Boards seriously — including elected officials, business owners, developers, citizens, the SLA — are the people on the community boards themselves.

What’s That Old Line About Keeping Columnists Guessing?

At some point you wonder if Clyde Haberman was being facetious when he wrote that column about the mayor being unlikely to bring home any big ideas from authoritarian places like Singapore (“the mayor should be able to resist some undesirable ideas that will fall his way in rigid Singapore, where it doesn’t take much to step out of line”). First there was a reevaluation of social media. Now comes an appreciation for authoritarian approaches to illegal drugs:

Bloomberg, who just returned from a trip to Singapore and Vietnam, suggested that rather than legalization of marijuana, another approach might be better in the war on drugs: tougher enforcement.

“In lots of places in the Far East, they have signs up, ‘Death to drug dealers,'” he said, at an unrelated press conference.

“Think about the number of people who die from drug use here in this country. And yet we don’t take it seriously enough to dissuade people.”

In Singapore, he said, “Executing a handful of people saves thousands and thousands of lives.”

Bloomberg stopped short of advocating a similar policy in the U.S., saying the tactics “don’t fit our definition of democracy,” but the mayor said that American lawmakers might have something to learn from about protecting citizens’ well-being.

I almost think we should give this man one more term, just as a controlled exercise in democracy, just to see how far we could go: Sort of like what would happen if de Tocqueville ran the Stanford Prison Experiment or something . . .