Craig Newmark himself spends way too much time handling problems related to New York City real estate listings on Craig’s List:

In New York, real estate is a blood sport. It has always been that way. A few years ago, I started to notice that it was a problem, that we were getting a lot of complaints about [fraudulent ads]. So it is a special focus of mine.

New York is the only city where we have the $10 listing fee for brokers. In terms of time, I would say I spend maybe 20 to 30 minutes a day dealing with New York real-estate problems. A lot of what I do is make sure the right person is taking care of the problem.

Mormons on the Upper East Side — no kidding:

In suburban communities, missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints go door-to-door in pairs, preaching their gospel to prospective converts. While doormen on the Upper East Side make it more difficult to save souls, the organization informally known as the Mormon church is making inroads in the neighborhood — recently opening a five-story, 39,000-square-foot building on East 87th Street.

The multimillion-dollar, Gothic-style structure, which opened to worshippers in October, houses two wards, or congregations: One is composed largely of young families, and the other is made up of singles ages 18 to 30. The brick church was built with ambitious expansion plans in mind — it could easily accommodate at least two more wards, each made up of 300 or more people.

The Upper East Side family ward, which serves residents living between 50th and 110th streets, met across town until last fall. Since moving into the new building, attendance at the group’s Sunday service has grown by about 25%, to about 150 people, its spiritual leader, Bishop Joseph Jensen, said. The bishop said the Upper East Side is home to a growing number of young Mormon families. He attributed the growth to good schools and some reasonably priced housing stock — relative to other Manhattan neighborhoods. He predicted that at least one other ward would open at the East 87th Street church within five years.

Church doctrine emphasizes proselytizing, and neighborhood missionaries hoping to convert new members have their work cut out for them. “This area is tough, because missionaries just can’t get access to so many buildings,” Bishop Jensen said.

. . .

The two missionaries assigned to the Upper East Side, Trey Reed, 19, and Gabriel Ferreira, 21, rely heavily on old-fashioned pavement-pounding. Each week, the cleancut, suit-clad Messrs. Reed and Ferreira approach about 200 people on the streets and on the subway.

While most of those people reject their efforts out-of-hand, Mr. Ferreira, who grew up in Brazil and Orem, Utah, said some New Yorkers can be surprisingly open-minded. “Sometimes I find someone and think, ‘He would never talk to me,’ and then he’ll sit down and listen and talk,” he said, noting that in the past month he and Mr. Reed have convinced one person to convert.

With the sharp rise in the number of film shoots in the city comes a new worst job ever:

“We get cursed on in every language in New York City,” said Matthew Ancrum, 49, a production assistant who lives in Bedford Park in the Bronx.

Rafael Diaz, 43, also from the Bronx, recalled a day last year when a woman in Washington Heights was so angry that his television crew was restricting parking in the neighborhood that she “spat in my face.”

In New York City, most workers on film and television crews belong to a union. But the people who testified yesterday at the forum, organized by the City University of New York, are non-unionized workers known as parking production assistants.

Their duties include putting up fliers the day before a film crew comes to a neighborhood, dropping orange parking cones on the street, safeguarding a site before filming begins and shooing drivers away from parking spaces at all hours.

. . .

Last year, according to the Mayor’s Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting, more than 250 films and 100 television programs were shot in the five boroughs. The productions contributed at least $5 billion to the city’s economy, and parking production assistants played a small but essential role in that effort.

And “for the record,” said Julianne Cho, assistant commissioner of the city’s film office, “we don’t close down streets. A production may or may not hire parking production assistants to reserve the permitted spaces.”

How do the assistants reserve the spaces? “Well,” she said, “that’s a question for the production assistants.”

For Mr. Ancrum, who has been a production assistant for 15 years and now works on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent,” it sometimes takes street diplomacy, with a dash of blarney.

“I’ve been cursed in Dominican, Colombian, Italian, people from Paris, Irish, Jewish, black, Cuban — and all because I tell them they can’t park their car here,” he said.

The toughest are the drug dealers.

“I know you’re looking at me all crazy,” said Mr. Ancrum, re-enacting the parking pitch he uses on drug dealers. “But, listen, I’m working production here. They’re going to have police officers here and police tow trucks for the cars that are still here. If you want to argue, that’s fine, but the police commander is going to shut you down, and you ain’t making no money.”

The lure of the 7 train was too much for one tot as he escaped the clutches of his harried mother and jumped on a Manhattan-bound express train yesterday:

Stuart [Tito] is quite a handful — constantly curious, perpetually in motion and absolutely fearless. Trains are his passion; he points whenever one roars above his Queens neighborhood.

That’s why [Blanca] Amarilis held his hand tightly as she and husband Victor Tito, 32, waited at Junction Blvd. on their way to a doctor’s appointment for their 9-month-old, Derrick.

As an express pulled into the station, Amarilis noticed Derrick’s nose was running, and she leaned down over the stroller to wipe it — letting go of Stuart.

In that instant, the little imp scooted away as fast as his sneaker-clad feet would take him, darted through the closing doors of the train and was whisked away.

Fortunately for Lionel, they do not have blood on their hands . . . this time:

“I thought that someone would take him,” she said. “I prayed to God to protect my son and let me find him again.”

She didn’t know it, but her prayer was being answered. A woman who saw Stuart board the train, scooped him up, got off at 61st St. and took a train back to Junction Blvd.

When they arrived, she spotted the boy’s father looking frantic and asked, “Is this your son?”

“Yes!” the Ecuadoran-born cook answered, wrapping his errant explorer in a hug. The woman melted into the crowd.

If everything goes according to plan, millions of Europeans will one day flock to New York 2.0, the birthplace of Carrie Bradshaw:

George A. Fertitta has helped sell a lot of pricey Belgian chocolates and French cognac to New Yorkers. Now he has to sell New York to Belgians, Frenchmen and others who may consider the city too costly, too dangerous or too American to visit.

Mr. Fertitta is spearheading Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s campaign to lure 50 million visitors a year to the city by 2015. That would be about six million more out-of-towners than the city, which is riding a long wave of tourism and economic growth, attracted last year.

. . .

To increase the influx, the city is spending more money than ever to promote itself overseas. Fueled by the mayor’s commitment of an additional $15 million a year, the city’s marketing operation, known as NYC & Company, has begun placing billboards in some European cities declaring that with exchange rates in their favor, New York is a relative bargain.

Those ads are aimed at knocking down one negative perception about New York: that it is prohibitively expensive.

An international ad campaign in the works, a first for the city, will try to dispel two other stereotypes: that New Yorkers are exceptionally rude, and that crime is rife in the city. Mr. Fertitta said he would rather foreigners picture “Sex and the City” than “Law & Order.”

Under Mr. Fertitta, NYC & Company has hired an advertising agency, Bartle Bogle Hegarty, to create the campaign, which is expected to begin later this year.

. . .

To change people’s negative views of New York’s grime, crime and prices, he said, the city can piggyback on the invaluable boost it gets from pop-culture cynosures like Carrie Bradshaw, the lead character in “Sex and the City,” the internationally popular TV show.

“To some people, New York City is ‘Sex and the City’ and the best shoes in the world,” Mr. Fertitta said. “They want to see where Carrie Bradshaw sat on the stoop.”

A study shows that almost half of all cars on the road in Park Slope are simply looking for parking:

Almost half of the cars clogging Park Slope’s main commercial arteries are driving in circles in search of parking, a new traffic study from a transportation advocacy group shows.

While vehicles competing for parking spaces account for only 28% of street traffic on some of Manhattan’s most congested streets, 45% of drivers on the road in this primarily residential Brooklyn neighborhood are searching for curbside parking, according to the study, which Transportation Alternatives will release today.

A lack of parking options translates into lost business, as potential customers grow frustrated circling the block and eventually take their business to other neighborhoods, the study shows. About 15% of parked cars are also illegally stationed in front of fire hydrants, no-standing zones, and ambulance lanes near hospitals.

OK, I think everyone’s pretty much understands which “N-word” they’re talking about:

At a hearing yesterday on a resolution to discourage the use of the n-word, the racially offensive term was heard more times than on a Kanye West album.

The spewing of the slur nearly 50 times in less than two hours angered the anti-n-word measure’s sponsor, Councilman Leroy Comrie (D-Queens).

“If I had been the chair, I would have asked them not to use the word,” Comrie told The Post afterward. “I was not pleased.”

Marcia Harris, founder of the Harlem-based Ban the N-Word Movement, got the ball rolling with a passionate lecture on the word’s origins — that dropped the n-bomb a staggering 19 times.

“All of the other things will be for naught if, at the core, you see yourself and others who look like you as a n- - - - -, a word used to dehumanize a living, thinking human being,” she said during the hearing held by the council’s Civil Rights Committee.

The campaign to stop the use of the slur is aimed largely at young whites and blacks who aren’t aware of the term’s historical significance or don’t care. The measure, approved by the committee, will be taken up by the full council tomorrow.

Tim Gaylord, a New Jersey resident who told lawmakers he was instrumental in getting a similar measure passed in Irvington, N.J., used the word 10 times in his testimony.

He said using the word makes people think about blacks in a negative way.

“Fifty-thousand black people murdered and ain’t nobody saying anything about it. Why?” he asked. “It’s because it’s just n- - - - -s.”

Even some council members didn’t bother with euphemisms to make their points while sporting pins with a slash over the letter “N.”

Mike Nelson (D-Brooklyn), who was the only white person to use the word at the hearing, described a “sickening, scary, depressing” date he had in the 1960s while serving in the Air Force in Arkansas.

When he grimaced after his date used the n-word twice, he said, she told him, “Well, obviously you don’t like what I’m saying. Well, they may be Negroes to y’all, but they’re n- - - - -s to me.”

The MTA wants you to know that you, the rider, are one of the biggest reasons its trains are delayed:

Subway riders behaving badly is a leading cause of train delays, transit statistics reveal.

More than 4,270 trains were thrown off their schedules last year because riders blocked subway car doors from closing in stations, according to Transit Authority statistics. It’s now the fifth-leading cause of delays, up from 20th place just five years earlier.

Unruly behavior as a cause for sluggish trains, meanwhile, spiked in December, moving into the top 10 reasons for tieups.

Transit officials said they couldn’t explain what appears to be an increase in boorish behavior on the rails.

“It’s really annoying,” door-hold victim Steve Cunning, 24, said yesterday at the Union Square subway station. “Just this morning at 51st St., this guy put his foot in the door to hold it for his friends, who were like a minute behind him.”

Cunning, a stockbroker from Manhattan, said most of his fellow riders meekly accepted the slowdown.

“He was gigantic, so there weren’t that many comments, and if there were, they were from way in the back,” he said.

Daryl Johnston, 46, who was waiting for an uptown No. 5 train at the Wall St. station, called for aggressive enforcement of TA rules against impeding the flow of trains.

“It’s wrong,” he said. “They should be given a ticket.”

The TA records a train as delayed if it arrives at its terminal station at the end of the line more than six minutes late.

Pot . . . kettle . . . pot . . . kettle.

Some are looking to change the name of “Corbin Place” in Brooklyn’s Manhattan Beach now that everybody understands how much of a raging anti-semite namesake Austin Corbin was:

Over the last two weeks, several dozen Corbin Place residents have contacted the Community Board 15 office, demanding to know how the name change would affect everything from their mail to the deeds to their homes.

“It seems that the news has finally hit them that they [Corbin Place residents] will have to do some work,” said Community Board 15 Chair Theresa Scavo, who said that most of the calls she’s answered at the board offices were from residents voicing their outrage.

“I’ve answered about 50 phone calls all about the same things,” she said. “Over and over I’m told that people are afraid that the name change is going to be more like they’re moving.”

Dozens more calls regarding the same concerns have been sent to State Senator Carl Kruger’s office, as well as the offices of City Councilmember Michael Nelson, who is spearheading the charge to get the street renamed.

To assuage the concerns of residents, Nelson is reportedly bringing representatives from the United States Post Office, as well as an attorney to talk about what block residents will and will not be required to do if the name change goes through.

The street, ironically, is already named for the person who put Manhattan Beach on the map: Austin Corbin.

In the late 1800s, Corbin built the first railroads to the Town of Gravesend, which was later broken up into the neighborhoods of Manhattan Beach, Brighton Beach and Coney Island.

Corbin is also credited with building several hotels in the area, including the Manhattan Beach Hotel, a premier vacation spot for millionaires, elected officials and the Broadway stars of the time.

But sometimes you have to take history warts and all.

As indicated in Daily News columnist Denis Hamill’s story, besides building up Manhattan Beach, Corbin was a president of the American Society of the Suppression of Jews.

He often spoke out against Jews and Jewish causes.

According to an article in the Brooklyn Eagle that Hamill cited in his piece, Corbin said Jews “were a pretentious class who expect three times as much for their money as other people.”

“They [Jews] are a detestable and vulgar people,” he repeatedly said in statements to the press.

The fresh look at historical facts has prompted many to demand a name change, said Nelson.

“The majority of people living in the area are Jewish,” Nelson said in an earlier interview. “It just doesn’t seem right to have a street, especially in our little corner of the world, named after this despicable character.”

But doesn’t this quickly get problematic once you start digging too deep? After all, Peter Stuyvesant — think Stuyvesant Place, Stuyvesant Town and Stuyvesant High School — was a bit of a Jew hater, too. Then there’s Cortlandt Street — named for the Van Cortlandt Family, who happened to be slaveowners. And Dey Street — named for Dirck Dey, another slaveowner. Oh, and William Houstoun — who Houston Street is named for — slaveowner, too. And don’t forget Thomas Jefferson — who Jefferson Street is named for — slaveowner and slave rapist.

Goodness gracious, great balls of fire:

A feud between Gypsies turned violent in Soho on Tuesday night, when several men attacked a local fortuneteller and her husband.

According to Elaine Marino, the incident started when three Gypsies tried to break into her daughter-in-law Linda’s white Porsche, which was parked near her business, Linda’s Psychic Shop, at Spring and Sullivan Sts. Marino said that when her daughter came out of the shop, they assaulted her on the sidewalk. Marino’s son, Jesse, Linda’s husband, also was attacked by the men, his mother said. (Marino declined to provide the last names of her son and daughter-in-law.)

. . .

According to a witness at the bar, the attackers were enraged at Jesse for having sex with his “first cousin,” and, in fact, had beaten him up in Florida for this previously.

Marino claimed the men had been “stalking” her son and his wife. She, too, said the feud stemmed from earlier trouble with the men during an encounter in Florida.

“It’s some kind of jealousy, vendetta, from Florida,” she said. Asked what type of jealousy, she said, “Some jealousy over a car.

“We’re not part of the same clan. They’re from Canada,” she said of the assailants. Her son Jesse grew up in the neighborhood, and Linda owns another psychic shop nearby, she said. They are all Romani, Gypsies, she said.

Buried lede: The fortuneteller’s Porsche confirms once and for all that New Yorkers are wasting entirely too much money on psychics.

But the evidence is unlikely to satisfy skeptics who have been suspicious that the NYPD is trying to lay the groundwork for isolating or even attacking Iran:

The NYPD fears that Iran has targeted the Big Apple for terror attacks, a grim new report reveals.

“We’re concerned that Iranian agents were engaged in reconnaissance that might be used in an attack against New York City at some future date,” Police Commissioner Ray Kelly told Newsweek.

After studies show that New York City is the highest-taxed large city in the country, Sewell Chan asks what New Yorkers get for all that. Snow plows:

Six of the nine largest cities are in the Sunbelt, where the warmer weather means less money is needed for removing snow and repairing streets damaged by the freeze-thaw cycle.

What is it that the Times doesn’t “get” about $2 nips of Georgi? Like it’s so fucking complicated:

Paretti’s Liquor Store sits opposite the Queensbridge housing project, amid the warehouses that line 21st Street in this part of northwest Queens. A red and yellow banner above the front windows proclaims a “Blow Out Sale,” and steel capital letters spell out the word “Liquor,” but the neon tubes within the letters no longer glow.

Inside, several rows of tiny airplane-type bottles of vodka, whiskey and gin, called nips, are stacked against the inch-thick bulletproof glass that separates clerks from customers.

In a city famous for extravagant and showy drinking — consider the rainbow-colored cosmopolitans of “Sex and the City” — this liquor store, in the shadow of the city’s largest public housing project, with upward of 7,000 residents, caters to a decidedly less glamorous end of the alcohol market.

. . .

A few days later, on a slow Sunday, the store was in the hands of a 26-year-old clerk named Martin Sladek, who wears his blond hair in a faux hawk and speaks with a thick Czech accent.

“Drug dealers buy Hennessy, and drug users buy Georgi,” Mr. Sladek announced at one point. “Crackheads get Georgi nips.”

. . .

The customers trickled in.

Two women who looked barely old enough to buy a legal beer peered through the bulletproof glass, mulling their options before choosing Smirnoff vodka. When they asked for glasses, Mr. Sladek handed them two green plastic cups, which they took with them when they left.

A middle-aged woman hobbled in on a cane.

“What time you closing up, Marty?” she asked. “Give me that $2 bottle of Georgi.”

But seriously — color pieces on liquor stores in shitty neighborhoods are much fresher now than they were two years ago, right?

It’s not news that Chinese restaurants everywhere have reserve suckier menus for gweilo. So it’s gratifying to learn that some are also charging such diners accordingly:

The price you pay for your beef with string beans depends entirely on whether or not you are Chinese — at least according to the menus at one restaurant in Chinatown, city officials say.

The city Human Rights Commission has filed a discrimination complaint against the Canal Seafood Restaurant for allegedly giving a different menu with lower prices to customers who are Chinese.

David Lopez, a visitor from Wisconsin, contacted the commission after eating at the restaurant with several friends last October.

He and his girlfriend knew something was wrong when a waiter told them that a serving of rice would cost them extra. They had noticed Asian customers munching on similar dishes served over a bed of rice.

“Being Hispanic, we both like rice,” said 46-year-old Lopez. “We saw other customers getting a different menu. We were told we could order from it if we spoke Chinese.”

The prices on that menu, written in Chinese, were an average of $1 cheaper per dish.

“It was very distressful to go to a place in one of the most diverse cities in the world and be discriminated against,” Lopez said.

Representatives for the restaurant have denied the existence of two different in-store menus.

But Lopez, who has worked as a discrimination investigator in Wisconsin, took both menus with him. He took the menus and his concerns to the Human Rights Commission.

After an investigation, the commission determined there was probable cause that discrimination had taken place, and referred the case to the office of Administrative Trials and Hearings for a trial.

Precious metals scavengers have delayed the computerized time-until-the-next-train thingamabobbers on the L train. How convenient:

Scavengers have ripped off copper cable from subway stations on the L line, hampering the high-tech system that broadcasts arrival and departure times, the Daily News has learned.

The contractor installing the electronic message boards reported the wiring was filched in “repeated acts of vandalism,” according to a Transit Authority report.

“A thief is a thief is a thief, no matter what the item is,” a TA official said. “If someone can make a buck, they will steal it and try to resell it.

“We’re working with our contractor to make sure they take all necessary precautions to prevent the theft and the resulting delays. We’re also making sure we take steps on our property to secure all of our assets.”

Transit officials say the thefts are partly to blame for delays in completing its ballyhooed Public Address/Customer Information Screen project.

A crime victim’s fantasy scenario:

A man who had his bike stolen six weeks ago thought he was seeing things when he spotted it yesterday attached to a pole around the corner from his Upper West Side apartment.

But there it was, chained up at the corner of West 98th Street and Broadway, said 26-year-old financial worker Michael Davis.

“Lo and behold, there’s my bike chained to a pole. It still had all the reflective stickers I had put on it,” he said.

“I never thought I’d see it ever again. The only difference is that someone added one of those milk cartons to make it into a delivery bike.”

Davis lost the bike six weeks earlier when he went to visit his in-laws and decided not to drive.

Davis, an observant Jew, said he chained the bike in front of their home at West End Avenue near 90th Street, but when he left it was gone. He reported it stolen, but was told it was unlikely it would ever be found.

“Fast forward six weeks, and right before the Sabbath I had to run down to the corner store to buy some groceries, and there it was,” he said.

He flagged down a passing cop car and the officers said they should wait for the deliveryman to return. When he didn’t, they figured he had bolted and cut Davis’ bike loose and returned it to him.

And I have no doubt that the person quoted here actually was sick after saying this:

Inspectors raced to the [KFC/Taco Bell] franchise at Sixth Avenue and West Fourth Street after a Post lensman shot these photos of scores of scabby rodents brazenly parading across the floors and tables of the fast-food joint early yesterday morning. Rat droppings could be seen littering the floor.

What the inspectors found was a “vermin infestation” that one health official called “egregious.”

The city Heath Department immediately padlocked the restaurant.

Earl Heffintrayer, a 29-year-old student at New York University, was particularly horrified to hear the news.

“That’s so disgusting. I just ate there last night. I think I am going to be sick. I’ll never come back here again,” he said, looking a bit green.

Officials at ADF Operating Corp., of Fairfield, N.J., which owns the franchise, said the infestation had resulted from a construction project in the building’s basement.

“It seems that due to this construction, an open space was left in the foundation that allowed the rats inside,” said the company’s chief operating officer, Harry Harnett. “It is our goal to complete the construction as soon as possible and clean and sanitize the restaurant and only with the OK of the Health Department will we reopen.”

But then who exactly will eat there?

And that Health Department OK may be easier than you think:

A city health inspector gave a passing grade to the notoriously filthy, vermin-infested KFC/Taco Bell just one day before shuttering it — after news cameras recorded a rat rampage through the Greenwich Village restaurant.

“We’re looking to see if the inspector dropped the ball on this,” said Health Department spokesman Geoffrey Cowley. “I think it may not have been as rigorous an inspection as it should have been.”

After receiving three rodent-related complaints about the establishment to 311 in the past few weeks, the inspector visited Thursday and uncovered some violations, said Cowley — but allegedly not enough for a failing grade.

The next morning, after horrified onlookers observed dozens of rats brazenly scurrying around the floors, tables and trash bins, and word spread to the media, inspectors raced back to the scene.

This time, they found a whopping 92 points worth of health-code violations — far surpassing a failing grade of 28.

In yet another case of “Alanis Morissette Irony Or Real Irony?”* a man’s death helps save a life:

On Monday night, an unidentified man jumped in front of a freight train at 88th Avenue and 76th Street just off of Cooper Avenue. He was pronounced dead at the scene. The apparent suicide attempt, however, may have actually prevented another tragedy waiting to happen. A little further up the line, a woman drove her [car] onto the tracks and was stuck. Her vehicle would have been crushed if the man had not jumped in front of the train, stopping it.

*I’m actually not sure here . . . help!

East Village residents are going to great lengths to argue against bars operating in their neighborhood:

Death & Co., an upscale new nightspot that serves drinks and appetizers, has attracted glowing reviews and throngs of patrons since it opened at the beginning of January. But the bar and restaurant at 433 E. Sixth St. has also attracted sharp criticism from several neighbors and Community Board 3. In fact, with its ominous name and décor, Death & Co. actually has some neighbors scared, dredging up their worst nightmares — while other neighbors say their nights are literally haunted by the bar’s din.

. . .

. . . Members of Synagogue Anshe Meseritz, at 415 E. Sixth St., object to Death & Co.’s name and appearance.

The windowless bronze facade stands out from the surrounding buildings, and features 100-year-old cedar planks, cast-iron columns and a black flag. Inside, gold-flecked wallpaper catches light from chandeliers and candles, and a long mirror reflects plush booths and the bar’s marble countertop.

“We don’t need another bar on the block,” said Les Sussman, an Anshe Meseritz congregant who attended the meeting but has not been inside Death & Co. “We don’t need one with Nazi devil symbolism, [with a] gothic satanic door and a black flag flying.”

The facade looks like a boxcar used to transport Jews to concentration camps, Sussman said, and disturbs elderly synagogue members who survived the Holocaust.

“They don’t want to pass a place that is frightening,” he said.

“I have a Holocaust relative myself,” [Death & Co. owner David] Kaplan responded. “I am Jewish, and I never considered it offensive in that way.”

Death & Co.’s name comes from the title of a Prohibition propaganda poster, and “has nothing to do with anything dark or gothic, and nothing to do with death itself,” Kaplan said.

A state appeals court ruled that dancing is more akin to yelling “fire” in a crowded theater:

As you head out this weekend to your trendy nightclubs and fund dive bars, be wary. The city’s ban on social dancing in bars, restaurants and certain clubs is legal, a state appeals court said yesterday.

The state Supreme Court’s Appellate Division ruled 5-0 that the city’s Cabaret Law, which was enacted in the Prohibition era and prohibits social or recreational dancing in all but specially licensed venues, is constitutional.

The Gotham West Coast Swing Club and several people filed a lawsuit complaining that because the city’s 80-year-old Cabaret Law barred them from dancing with other people, it illegally infringed on their right of free expression.

The plaintiffs also contended that the city’s application of zoning laws was arbitrary and capricious and deprived them of due process. They said they should be allowed to dance in any bar or restaurant they want to.

The appeals court disagreed, saying, “Recreational dancing is not a form of expression protected by the federal or state constitutions.”

. . .

Cenk Eryaman, a bartender at Fat Baby on Rivington Street, said though his bar has no cabaret license, it plays rock and hip-hop on the weekends.

“I don’t know what constitutes dancing, but people shake their assess,” he said.

G o ahead, try to tell me this isn’t incomprehensibly brilliant:

[Wayne] Schaffel, 50, doesn’t have an MBA and doesn’t believe he needs it. He runs on a different skill set: passion for his job, great sales skills and a willingness to work 24/7. His company, PR for Less, helps small business owners get press and build a name for themselves without the hefty price tag of larger firms.

“PR for Less has a goal,” Schaffel said. “We bring public relations to entrepreneurs who want and need it.”

Keith Niaseling, 52, needed help. He’s been attending networking sessions to get publicity for his clients: Manhattan’s growing ukulele player population.

“Two years ago there were only a dozen,” Niaseling said. “Now there are about 40 and the number is growing. What I try and do for my clients is to get publicity for singers and songwriters in the uke scene.”

Niaseling, a ukulele performer himself who uses the stage name Moosekarloff, feels his strength as a businessman lies in his musical experience.

“I’m not a fancy guy in a suit,” he said. “I’m a performer and an odd hybrid. I’m out of the ordinary. This whole thing is out of the ordinary.”

Schaffel said in past weeks the group’s attendees had included Bonnie Dunn, who runs the burlesque show, La Scandal, at the Cutting Room and a woman who had opened a Chinese language center on Mott Street.

“I was going to go to China to teach English,” Niaseling interrupted, “but then ukulele consciousness took off.”

The two men explained that because their businesses were untraditional, meeting at a known location like Hooters was important to their business plan.

“Also, I wanted something laid back and unexpected,” Schaffel said. “I’m hoping to expand this meeting all over the country in other cities, and Hooters is a franchise with chains everywhere.”

I swear to god that’s what it says.

Shouldn’t at least someone out there mourn the potential loss of the Pier 17 mall? Or not:

South Street Seaport’s Pier 17 probably will be razed to make way for a retail, residential and open-space development, a spokeswoman for the property’s leaseholder said yesterday.

Though the company is exploring a range of options, the three-story shopping mall named for the pier upon which it was built likely will be demolished, said Cheri Fein, a spokeswoman for General Growth Properties, a Chicago-based real estate company that owns and operates more than 200 malls nationwide. Fein did not elaborate on the specific plans.

Asked how high a new structure might go, Fein said: “The lower you go, the less open space there is — but nothing has been decided.

“There is also the recognition that it is not just a land-bound place,” she said. “We want to make it 360 [degrees], so that it can be reached by the ferry as well.”

According to one person familiar with the developer’s initial plan, General Growth is considering a tall building for the site, and would build a ferry landing and relocate the landmark Tin Building of the former Fulton Fish Market. The rest of the pier would be left as open space.

. . .

Most waterfront advocates would not shed tears over the loss of the Pier 17 mall, a mix of chain stores, restaurants and specialty shops completed in 1983. The mall is a cumbersome structure, said Lee Gruzen of SeaportSpeaks, a group of local stakeholders.

Location Scout: Pier 17.

Fuckin’ A, beavers are back! And at $15 million, Representative José E. Serrano gets naming rights:

A crudely fashioned lodge perched along the snow-covered banks of the Bronx River — no more than a mound of twigs and mud strewn together in the shadow of the Bronx Zoo — sits steps away from an empty parking lot and a busy intersection.

Scientists say that the discovery of this cone-shaped dwelling signifies something remarkable: For the first time in two centuries, the North American beaver, forced out of town by agricultural development and overeager fur traders, has returned to New York City.

The discovery of a beaver setting up camp in the Bronx is a testament to both the animal’s versatility and to an increasingly healthy Bronx River.

A few years ago the river was a dumping ground for abandoned cars and rubber tires, but it has been brought back to life recently through a big cleanup effort.

The biologists who discovered the beaver say they have nicknamed it José, after United States Representative José E. Serrano of the Bronx, who has directed $15 million in federal funds toward the river’s rebirth.

In an interview, Mr. Serrano said he had always envisioned the river getting cleaner, “but I don’t know to what extent I imagined things living in it again.”

A number of people reported seeing the beaver last fall, but biologists figured that the sightings were much more likely to have been of muskrats, which are somewhat common in the area.

But the biologists were intrigued enough to investigate, and after trudging the riverbanks, they spotted gnawed tree stumps and the 12-foot-wide lodge — evidence that pointed to beavers, which are rarely seen in the wild because they tend to work at night and avoid people.

Then on Wednesday, the biologists were able to videotape the animal on film, swimming up the river looking for more material to insulate its home. The animal is several feet long, two or three years old, and appeared to be a male in search of a mate, said one of the biologists, Patrick Thomas, the curator of mammals at the Bronx Zoo, which is run by the Wildlife Conservation Society.

Are we to assume that if the earth’s temperature rises, there will be a related rise in crime? Oh my god, don’t tell Al Gore because he’ll probably get all uppity about that, too:

The NYPD — with an assist from Mother Nature — is putting the freeze on crime across the city and in the subways.

February is on pace to be the safest month on record since the NYPD began tracking crime statistics by month 13 years ago, Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly told the Daily News yesterday.

. . .

Citywide crime this month through Sunday has fallen 10% compared with the same period last year.

The number of murders is also down to 46 from 75, a 39% drop, the statistics show.

The reduction in overall crime has coincided with an unusually cold stretch of weather: Temperatures have averaged 24.6 degrees, records show.

But Kelly noted this month’s decline in crime followed a similar reduction in January, which was unusually warm.

“We’ve had a recent cold snap,” Kelly said, acknowledging a link between the cold weather and low crime rate. “But the weather was mild for a significant portion of 2007.”

Gary Conte of the National Weather Service, said during the first 18 days of this month, temperatures in Central Park averaged about 9 degrees below normal. Before the last few days, when the mercury crept above 40, the month was on pace to be one of the coldest in 100 years.

“There’s no doubt with the colder temperatures, more people were inside,” Conte said.

7 train disruptions to reach L-like proportions:

The Metropolitan Transportation Authority plans to knock out weekend service on the no. 7 line this weekend for the third straight time, as well as the next four weekends, three more in November, and seven more in early 2008. The reason: to complete switch and signal upgrades on one of the oldest lines in the system.

After these track improvements are completed, the MTA is planning to bring computer-operated trains to the no. 7 line, which will require the agency to cut service again for at least 50 weekends over the next five years, according to transit sources. The award date for that project has been set for January 2008.

The computerized signal system, currently used to control only the L line, allows trains to run faster and closer together, thereby increasing service, the MTA says. Some transportation planners are raising eyebrows about bringing the expensive system to the no. 7 line when it is still in a test phase on the L line. The final estimated cost for the L line system is $278 million, which is $68 million over budget.

About 250,000 straphangers are estimated to ride the no. 7 line on an average weekend. Many are complaining that even with shuttle buses replacing subway service, travel times have quadrupled.

Upon being questioned about the city’s higher-than-average tax rates, Hizzoner maintained that we get what we pay for:

New Yorkers pay more taxes because they get more services, Mayor Bloomberg said yesterday as he defended the city’s sky-high tax rates.

“I would love to reduce taxes more,” he said. “But, unfortunately, given the level of services that the public wants, we just have to have money to pay for things. And I don’t know anybody that’s urging us to reduce the services.”

. . .

Bloomberg explained that it costs a lot of money to make a city of 8.1 million people work.

“My first priority is to make sure that we have the money to pay our 300,000 employees and to help those that are less fortunate than the rest of us, to help educate and protect and expand and enhance cultural institutions, [to] build for the future so we get tourists here,” he said.

More services . . . like millions of free condoms every month!

The Armory Show is happening this weekend, and struggling artists are hopeful that they will sell something, anything:

Hundreds of electricians and carpenters yesterday were putting the finishing touches on their transformation of Pier 94 into the venue for this weekend’s Armory Show.

While they wrapped up, art handlers began to install works that 150 galleries hailing from 22 countries are looking to sell.

“A lot of people are down on the Armory because everything is packed together like a big supermarket, but I love it,” said Bushwick-based artist Zak Smith, 30, who also performs in porn films under the name Zak Sabbath. “It saves you the trouble of having to go to shows all year long if you’re working all the time like me.”

Smith was helping his Chelsea gallery Fredericks & Freiser tack up a series of intricate ink drawings on small pieces of paper called, “Drawings I did around the time I became a porn star.”

I’m just saying:

New York City has long had a notorious reputation for high taxes, but an official analysis released yesterday shows just how much the city stands out in this regard: State and local taxes swallow $9.02 out of every $100 in household and business income, putting New York’s tax burden far above those of the eight other American cities with populations over one million.

. . .

The average state and local tax burden for the other eight cities in the analysis was $6.16 of every $100 in gross taxable resources. Philadelphia ($7.16) came in a distant second to New York, and Los Angeles ($6.88) came in third, according to the report.

Doesn’t the fact that you have $80,000 to blow on a full-page ad in the New York Times basically prove Frank Bruni’s point that your restaurant is overpriced? I think most people would perceive it that way:

The owner of Kobe Club, Jeffrey Chodorow, may have spent more than $80,000 for a full-page advertisement in the New York Times that he used to defend his new steakhouse against what he called a personal attack by an unqualified food critic in a review in that paper earlier this month.

Mr. Chodorow attacked the Times reviewer, Frank Bruni, in his open letter yesterday, writing that the newspaper has been lacking a “real food critic” since Ruth Reichl left for Gourmet magazine. He wrote that he was the victim of a personal attack.

. . .

Mr. Bruni wrote in his review of Kobe Club that the menu presented “too many insipid or insulting dishes at prices that draw blood from anyone without a trust fund or an expense account.” In his advertisement, Mr. Chodorow claimed that other reviews of Kobe Club have been “overwhelmingly positive.”

Mr. Chodorow, who according to his spokeswoman was on an airplane yesterday and not available for comment, gained small-screen celebrity status a few years ago when he starred in an NBC reality show, “The Restaurant,” which documented the opening of Rocco’s on 22nd Street. That restaurant, financed by Mr. Chodorow, closed in 2004. Mr. Chodorow owns 22 other restaurants across the country.

The cost of a full-page advertisement in the New York Times Dining In/Dining Out section is $83,916, according to the company’s advertising department.

How suburban is Forest Hills? Forest Hills is so suburban that local leaders are less worried about maintaining a Jane Jacobs-friendly 24-hour block watch than they are fearful about teenagers congregating until all hours at a proposed 7-Eleven:

Workers are renovating the former Ash-By Cleaners site at 101-04 Metropolitan Ave. and plan to hand it over to 7-Eleven management in late May or early June, according to Maureen Abdelnour, a consultant for the convenience store chain.

The likely franchisee and his wife have operated another 7-Eleven in Queens for four years and are “very successful and well respected,” Abdelnour said.

Local residents aren’t convinced. When Ash-By closed a year ago and the 7-Eleven rumors began circulating, Forest Hills civic leaders tried to contact the company to find out what would happen. The chain never returned their calls.

. . .

The surprise opening added to initial fears that the 24-hour, seven-days-a-week store would be out of place on a strip where most establishments close by early evening.

Leslie Brown, executive director of the Forest Hills Chamber of Commerce, worried that troublemakers might loiter outside the store, bringing unwanted noise.

“We know that change happens,” Brown said, “but it’d be nice to see a mom-and-pop type of store or restaurant move into that space that would maybe draw a different kind of customer.”

7-Eleven insisted it’s coming in prepared.

Spokeswoman Margaret Chabris said the chain will focus its lights on the parking lot, not nearby residents’ homes, and work with local police to prevent other problems.

The chain also has an especially creative way of deterring loiterers by “piping in music that might not be so popular,” Chabris said.