Imagine that:

After nearly two years in Harlem, gourmet market Citarella became a bit more community-friendly last week by finally accepting EBT cards — what used to be known as food stamps. Though its five sibling stores still hold true to cash or credit only, the underpopulated 125th Street branch is making changes to accommodate the vastness of the neighborhood (and the fact that it’s located across from the General Grant Houses). “If people walk in and can’t afford it, they walk out,” says manager Charles Schillaci. “What good is that for us or for them? Our prices are comparable to those of other stores in the area.” The store sells both Gorgonzola tortellini and Goya black beans.

. . . and an “incomplete” for execution, but this is the kind of big government meddling that, deep down, everyone loves to see:

The seemingly endless stream of fliers, coupons, and menus stacked on front stoops and stashed in corners of apartment buildings would be a thing of the past in New York under a bill that would allow residents to bar distributors from dumping unwanted advertisements.

By posting a small sign or sticker stating: “This property does not want to receive unsolicited printed material,” a daily scourge for many New Yorkers would quietly come to a close.

“This is a first step in making sure that homeowners can do whatever they have to do without being bothered with circulars, and fliers, and all kind of junk they don’t want,” a Council Member Simcha Felder of Brooklyn said after hurling a heap of fliers and circulars on the steps of City Hall to illustrate the way front stoops appear to many New Yorkers arriving home from work.

. . .

Mr. Felder’s bill does not explain how the law would be enforced or how offenders would be penalized. He said distributors would be held accountable for ignoring posted signs, and suggested they be fined at least $100 for each home or apartment building given unwanted fliers.

You just got caught hitting a 101-year-old lady, sort of a tough thing to live down:

After an eight-week manhunt, the cowardly crook accused of assaulting and robbing two grannies in Queens last month — including a 101-year-old — was collared yesterday.

And it turns out Jack Rhodes, who’s 44 and 5-foot-10, 200 pounds, doesn’t just prey on old folks — he is suspected of punching the 5-year-old son of another woman he robbed, a police source said.

Cops checking a report of a car break-in busted Rhodes at 9:40 a.m. yesterday near the corner of Carroll and Henry streets in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. He was carrying a crack pipe, police said.

Rhodes’ elderly victims — Rose Morat, 101, and Solange Elizee, 85 — picked him out of a photo array and a conventional lineup, cops said.

“I am so sorry for what happened,” Rhodes said last night as he left the 109th Precinct.

When asked by a Post reporter if he enjoys beating up old women, Rhodes snapped, “No, I do not!”

And Rhodes’ fellow inmates seem to agree with conventional wisdom that he is one of the biggest douchebags ever:

Alleged “granny-basher” Jack Rhodes is confined to his Rikers Island cell for 23 hours a day to protect him from other inmates, officials said yesterday.

A guard shadows him during the hour he can leave his cell for exercise.

Word of the protective custody comes days after police took the unusual step of housing Rhodes, 44, overnight at the 109th Precinct for his own safety before his arraignment at Queens Criminal Court Saturday.

But the best form of justice comes from piling on:

A 44-year-old man who investigators say assaulted two elderly women during muggings — one of which was caught on video — was charged in those cases and in two other crimes, the authorities said yesterday.

The suspect, Jack Rhodes, was charged with two counts of robbery as a hate crime, according to the Queens district attorney’s office, because he singled out elderly victims.

(Is it really a hate crime to target the weak?)

Previously: “Jesus, What A Jerk”.

The question is which is better — a pleasant six-lane expressway or a massive city-sponsored housing project on top of the six-lane expressway:

Residents of Carroll Gardens and Cobble Hill hailed a city plan that would build housing atop the nine-block-long Brooklyn-Queens Expressway trench that divides the neighborhoods from the Columbia Street waterfront.

The proposal is part of Mayor Bloomberg’s vision for a greener, more efficient, more crowded city, which he presented during an Earth Day speech at the Museum of Natural History on Sunday.

“[Decking it over] is a great idea, so long as we get [to add] some input and we’re sure that the housing is in harmony with our current stock,” said Buddy Scotto, the de facto Mayor of Carroll Gardens.

. . .

Back in August, a city consultant presented three possible ideas for the decking over the open-pit highway, ranging from a 200-unit, low-density rowhouse subdivision to a string of higher-density, 12-story buildings containing 1,500 units.

The pie-in-the-sky idea was given new life in the mayor’s Earth Day speech, which included 126 other green initiatives.

Overall, Bloomberg says the city must build 500,000 units of housing near public transportation by 2030 to make way for the expected one-million-person population boom.

“Our plan calls for doubling the amount of land available for possible housing development,” Hizzoner said in the Sunday speech. “We can do it by decking over railyards and highways, and using government land more productively.”

Have fun with that.

Those 500 gazillion free condoms have to end up somewhere:

A perfect storm of circumstances, including the less-than-perfect Nor’Easter last week, has sent a record number of condoms into the Gowanus Canal, according to volunteers at this week’s Earth Day cleanup of the canal zone.

The explosion in the population of “Coney Island whitefish” is not only due to a city giveaway of condoms in bodegas, coffee bars and bars all over Brooklyn. Environmentalists say torrential rains from the Nor’Easter sent far more untreated sewage into the canal than the typical April shower.

Thanks to New York’s antiquated sewage system, when it’s raining that hard, “whatever was in your toilet lands in our natural resources,” said Ludger Balan of Urban Divers Estuary Conservancy.

Doesn’t the legislature have better things to do than ribbing New Jerseyans about how they’re totally not New Yorkers? Then again, it is kind of funny:

The New York Giants and New York Jets may be stripping their famed “NY” insignias from their helmets in the near future if Assemblyman Ivan Lafayette (D-Jackson Heights) get his way.

Lafayette has introduced legislation, currently before the Tourism, Arts and Sports Development Committee, that would prevent any sports franchise that does not play its home games in New York state from including New York or its abbreviation in its name. The legislation also prohibits the sale of team merchandise on which New York is displayed if the team it promotes does not play its home games in New York.

“There are many economic benefits for a sports team to be identified from a particular city or state,” Lafayette said. “Additionally, there are numerous sources of revenue that benefit the state and city where a team actually plays its home games,” he added.

City females continue to endure persistent street harassment regardless of looks and irrespective of whether they have even hit puberty:

Virtually every female in the city has experienced street harassment, no matter her age, ethnicity, size or the way she’s dressed.

Often it’s just annoying, when it’s a comment in passing or the stereotypical catcalls from construction sites. But there are also times when it becomes offensive, threatening and a form of sexual assault.

“We have girls as young as 8 or 9 years old who say they are afraid to walk by this corner or down that street because they’ve had inappropriate things said to them and they’ve been followed or even touched by these men,” said Mandy Van Deven, director of community organizing for Girls for Gender Equity, a Brooklyn-based education and mentoring program. “This issue consistently comes up every time we ask girls about things they are struggling with.”

The bold proposal to develop Pier 40 on Manhattan’s West Side — with plans for a dedicated Cirque du Soliel theater — has been derided by critics as “Vegas on the Hudson,” a cancerous, infectious Vegas on the Hudson:

Because the designs were first released late last year, community opposition has been tough and unified, with critics decrying the idea of a tourist hot-spot that would take the place of community recreation space and spread uncharacteristic development to the adjacent neighborhood.

“Clearly this is a regional tourist destination that would have little connection to the neighborhood and would solely be an attraction to tourists,” the executive director of the Greenwich Village Society for Historic Preservation, Andrew Berman, said of Related’s proposal. “If you have Vegas on the Hudson next door, the tendency will be to look to develop similar uses in the inland area — and that would be totally unacceptable.”

Before you stiff the delivery guy again, here are some facts and items to consider:

Well, it turns out that we’re less generous at work than we are at home. Reportedly, while the average tip in the evening is from $3-$4, the average amount for a lunch delivery runs around $1-$2. Yep, that’s right, even on larger meals — or group orders that swell to $40 or more — we still only give two stinking bucks. Yeah, a few dig through pockets and wallets for change and give odd amounts, like $1.35 or $1.62, the delivery guys admitted. But it never reached the larger amounts of dinner.

At night, we tend to round off to a dollar amount. Here’s something to think about the next time you charge a meal: Although it’s illegal, a number of restaurants engage in the practice of deducting the credit card processing fee from a delivery guy’s tip (generally 2 to 3 percent of the sale). So, try to make those tips in cash.

Many of the guys told me that they’re paid just $20 for a six- to seven-hour shift (below the legally mandated minimum wage requirement), and average about $45 a night in tips. (Think about that the next time you fork over your change to those college kids at Starbucks who rack it up for just doing their cashier job — as well as getting paid above the minimum wage.) When I asked if they receive better tips during bad weather, Luis, who works in an Italian restaurant in the Village frowned and said, “Some people do tip more for bad weather, but not everyone. I don’t think they understand it’s hard to deliver food in the cold and when it rains. And even worse on bicycle. Nobody likes to go out in the rain or cold. Especially for many hours and carrying bags.”

. . .

They all agree that men are generally more generous than women, and that people who live in elevator buildings tend to tip more than those who live in walk-ups. One fellow said that he walked 10 blocks in the snow, then up three flights of stairs, and will often only get a dollar. Interestingly, they all claimed that they frequently get better tips from those who live within just a few blocks of the restaurant, over those who are further away.

Perhaps we should consider some kind of fair trade designation for the restaurant industry because it’s not only the hole-in-the-wall restaurants who mistreat delivery guys:

Ji D. You, a delivery man for the popular noodle eatery Republic, works 12-hour days, six days a week, and earns roughly $2.40 an hour without receiving overtime.

Though he’s been working this way for more than two years, You, along with seven other deliverymen, decided to take legal action — just as workers at Saigon Grill, Ollie’s Noodle Shop and Grill and Our Place have done recently.

They filed a federal lawsuit yesterday against Republic, alleging wage violations.

. . .

[Asian American Legal Defense and Education Fund legal director Kenneth Kimmerling] also alleged Republic kept false records of workers’ hours, underreporting them so it looked like the men were being paid minimum wage. They should earn $4.85 an hour, plus overtime before tips. “It’s not uncommon for anyone who violates minimum wage violation to keep records that are untrue,” Kimmerling added.

You complained of other substandard working conditions, such as having one restroom for roughly 70 employees, and, You said, if workers are caught in the patrons’ restroom, they’re fired.

“We often have no time to eat,” he said through a translator. “The place where we eat or wait for deliveries is in the basement storage room where the air circulation and ventilation is not good. The manager makes us hurry: Go, go, fast, fast.”

Republic declined to comment.

And everybody takes a cut:

Preaching not from his usual podium last week, Father Fabian Grifone harked back to a time when the yearly feast of San Gennaro was about family and tradition.

And gambling — “mild gambling,” as he put it, which used to take place in the courtyard of his Church of the Most Precious Blood on Mulberry Street as part of the annual autumnal festivities in Little Italy.

But no more: “The powers that be thought that somebody was getting some of the proceeds of that gambling,” said Father Grifone.

That “somebody,” of course, being the mob: More than a decade ago, several members of the Genovese crime family were convicted on charges of secretly controlling and skimming money from the hallowed fall festival.

City officials have since striven to cleanse San Gennaro of certain less-than-desirable elements: No more gambling. No more booze-slinging street vendors. And, if you believe the current organizers, no more Mafia involvement.

. . .

Organizers used to pay around $180,000 to a reportedly mob-connected electrician who once provided the festival’s lighting — that is, before he was indicted on extortion charges.

Last year, the city reportedly charged $252,000 for less work. A private contractor had to be called in for an additional $90,000. Not a dime was left over for charity.

“Now who the hell are the racketeers?” quipped Father Grifone.

New York is more Boston than Boston (and that’s a good thing?):

Martin Scorsese’s Academy Award-winning film, “The Departed,” was shot mainly in New York, even though it is set in Boston.

And while no scene of “The Good Shepherd,” Robert De Niro’s critically acclaimed movie about the spying game, was set in New York, 80 percent of it was shot here.

Thanks to a 2-year-old tax-credit program, the Big Apple is enjoying a movie production boom.

In 2006, the Mayor’s Office of Film, Theater and Broadcasting reports, there were 34,178 film-shooting days for 276 films.

That’s a 10 percent increase over 2005, the year the program began, and nearly 50 percent over 2004.

The Apple still runs behind Los Angeles in terms of shooting days. Tinseltown had 55,399 last year.

Zum Schneider is a nice place and all but I get just a little bit uneasy when I read about Germans “kicking ass” and race-baiting people of color:

A recent settlement reached between Sylvester Schneider, owner of the East Village bar and restaurant Zum Schneider, and his landlord has left Schneider with mixed feelings about the case and the plaintiffs who were trying to force him out of his space.

The case concluded in State Supreme Court on Thurs., March 15.

Under the terms of the agreement, Schneider’s lease will be extended until 2021, he will not have to reduce his sidewalk cafe by half — which would have been a significant loss of business for him — and he will get free rent for the next three months.

Schneider, however, will have to pay all legal fees, which will amount to more than $100,000, and starting in July, pay an additional $500 per month, raising his rent to $5,000.

Despite the hefty attorneys’ fees, the German native described his reaction as “complete delight.”

“We stuck it out, we did it! We kicked their ass!” he said from the basement of the Bavarian-style beer garden, as customers above feasted on platters of bratwurst and quaffed pints of Bitburger pilsner.

“They tried to kick our ass, but we turned it around 100 percent,” he said.

Adam Leitman Bailey, an attorney representing Schneider, called Judge Rolanda Acosta’s decision a “victory for America’s core values.”

. . .

Schneider came to the United States 19 years ago and opened the restaurant in 2000, when this neck of the East Village was still what he describes as “notorious.” He contends that co-op board members — many of them Puerto Ricans — were displeased by having more whites right under their noses.

“You should know that this whole thing was not just a money thing; it was also a racial thing. We are white; they are Puerto Ricans,” Schneider charged.

“They didn’t like us from the beginning,” he continued. “They claimed that the only white person living in the building was a friend of a mine when the first lease was signed, which is complete nonsense.”

Schneider conceded than no one from the co-op board had ever uttered a racial slur at him. Yet, he said, he believes old-timers are uncomfortable with the changing demographics and the prospect of more pale faces on every corner.

“In the past seven to 10 years, the neighborhood has changed significantly,” Schneider said. “When I got in here it was still a very rough neighborhood and I am not saying that all Puerto Ricans are rough and bad, but it was a rough neighborhood.”

He credits his bar as being influential in changing the neighborhood, but doubts whether the Puerto Rican members of the co-op board appreciate the change as much as him.

“We helped to turn the neighborhood around, to which the people who live in the building, I think, don’t really like the change,” he said.

“I think they would like it to be back where it was, which was a drug and weapons heaven.”

Apparently for those in charge, distinctions between “everyday crime” and terrorism have all but disappeared:

Thirty-six high-tech cameras will be installed at three subway stops in Astoria as part as of an anti-terror security plan.

“What began as an anti-terror initiative in response to both 9/11 and the bombings in London has now proven to be a very successful tool to combat everyday crime,” State Assemb. Michael Gianaris (D-Queens) said Tuesday.

The cameras, paid for with $1.7 million in state and federal funds, will be installed at the Broadway, 30th Avenue and Astoria Boulevard stops along the N/W line. Each station will be outfitted with 12 cameras, most of them positioned at the entrances and exits.

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-Queens/Brooklyn), who worked with Gianaris to secure funding for the cameras, said a 2003 al-Qaida plot to release poisonous gas in the subways shows how vulnerable the system is.

But Gene Russianoff, staff attorney for the Straphangers Campaign, said he isn’t convinced adding a few dozen cameras will improve safety. But, he added, “It’s like chicken soup, it can’t hurt.”

(Am I just becoming ridiculously stupidly civil rights- minded now that the threat of terrorism is gone?)

If you believe that New York was founded on naked commerce and smut and crudely fashioned by the tasteless nouveau riche then there’s something gently reassuring about the fact that the largest private residence in Manhattan was once owned by Bob Guccione and is now being pimped by Corcoran in the newspaper:

. . . [T]he $59 million upper East Side mansion once owned by fallen porn king Robert Guccione was advertised with a full-color, four-page insert in The New York Times yesterday.

The Penthouse magazine founder lost the home a year ago to creditors picking over the remains of his business empire. But after a year on the market, the sprawling townhouse remains unsold.

So the broker, the Corcoran Group, is reaching out to potential buyers — “from royalty to hedge funds,” said the company’s Lisa Simonsen — with a brochure that looks as high-toned and classy as Penthouse wasn’t.

“Instead of diamonds this year . . .” reads the cover line under a photo of the mansion’s 9-foot-deep swimming pool, which sits in a room decorated with European friezes and statues.

Other photos show the Carrara marble staircase, terraced gardens and an ornately carved fireplace mantel from the 20,000-square-foot home, reputed to be Manhattan’s largest private residence.

The property, on E. 67th St. near Madison Ave., traces its history to a six-story mansion built in 1879. That was combined with a neighboring building in the 1920s to make a rare double-wide townhouse with 25 rooms. Guccione renovated it extensively, if gaudily — think gold-plated bathroom fixtures.

The original asking price was $99,999,999, but Corcoran has knocked it down to $59 million. That’s still higher than the $53 million record set last fall for an E. 75th St. townhouse — but Corcoran says the price is negotiable.

“We’re open to dialogue,” Simonsen said.

Property taxes run an eye-popping $283,672 a year, and the upkeep is astronomical.

Isn’t it strange that a cab driver will drive someone from Queens to Arizona but not from Manhattan to Queens? Yes, yes it is:

Betty and Bob Matas are set to move next week from their current home in Queens to a new one in Sedona, Ariz.

They arranged to send their belongings, but they were in a quandary about how to transport themselves. The native New Yorkers don’t drive, and they were concerned that their two cats might not make it on a plane.

A solution presented itself in the form of taxi driver Douglas Guldeniz, whom the Matases met when they hailed his cab after a Manhattan shopping trip several weeks ago.

They got to talking about their upcoming move, and “we said, ‘Do you want to come?”‘ said Bob Matas, 72, a former audio and video engineer for advertising agencies. “And he said, ‘Sure.’

It was initially “a gag,” Matas said, but it became a real plan over the ensuing weeks. Guldeniz plans to drive 10 hours a day and charge a flat fee of $3,000 for the trip. The Matases also are to pay for Guldeniz’ gas, meals and lodging.

The standard, metered fare would come to about $5,000 — each way, according to David Pollack, executive director of the Committee for Taxi Safety, a drivers’ group. But city Taxi and Limousine Commission rules direct drivers and passengers to negotiate a flat fare for trips outside the city and a few suburban areas.

What he should have done was sold them low-quality schwag and then had them arrested:

Two thugs from North Carolina were arrested for viciously beating and slashing an elderly homeless man while trying to score pot in Washington Square Park, authorities said yesterday.

Scott Berry, 24, and Adam Mashburn, 22, both of Charlotte, asked Al Latimer, 71, for marijuana at about 5 p.m. on April 4, sources said. When Latimer said he had none, they beat him and cut his scalp with a razor blade, the Manhattan District Attorney’s Office said.

Philadelphians certainly can’t complain now about all the New Yorkers driving up prices in Northern Liberties:

With an eye on disgruntled New York artists pinched by rising rents, Philadelphia is using a new advertising campaign in an effort to lure the so-called creative class crowd to help the city rebound.

The tactic is a common one for cities seeking revitalization, as 20-something artists tend to spur investment in industrial, dormant, or tawdry neighborhoods. In New York, this has been the story of SoHo, followed by Williamsburg, Greenpoint, and now Astoria and Bushwick, where neighborhood vitality follows the hipsters, as do the higher rents that eventually push them out.

The city of brotherly love is seemingly bidding to add its name to that list, showboating its proximity to New York and relatively inexpensive cost of living.

The ads take the form of posters and inserts in an alternative weekly newspaper that direct people to uwishunu.com, a Web log run by the city ’s tourism agency that focuses on nightlife and Philadelphia’s artistic scene.

Have some fuckin’ self-respect, why don’t you?

Is the mayor running for President or something? Here he is channeling Rod Paige:

Bolstered by a vote of confidence from 100 civic leaders, Mayor Bloomberg yesterday took aim at what he called “special interests” trying to derail his education reforms, and compared the tactics of the teachers union to those of gun lobbyists.

In doing so, the mayor borrowed a page from President Bush’s tough-talk play book against terrorism and gave his critics a stark choice: “You’re either with our children, or against our children.”

And then there’s the ultimate McCain-Feingold work-around — a sort of 501(c)(3) PAC*:

Among the leaders to join the mayor were many whose organizations have contracts with the school system or have benefited from his personal philanthropic largess, including the Haitian Centers Council, 100 Black Men of New York and the Bronx Council on the Arts.

Bloomberg angrily objected to questions about his ties to his supporters, calling them “people who are dedicating their lives to trying to help this city and make it better.”

*Bloomberg poops more than Mitt Romney will ever make, no matter how much they tithe; if you want his support, fund his favorite charity.

Who cares like not at all about the $1 billion it will take to build a proposed new police academy? City Island residents:

At the door of his waterfront home on City Island in the Bronx yesterday, Ken Binder said one word when he learned that the police firing range, just across Eastchester Bay, was slated to close.

“Soon?” he asked eagerly.

Well, not exactly. The range is moving to a police compound in the College Point section of Queens that will not be built for several years.

Still, Mr. Binder, a retired interior designer, was ready to begin celebrating the range’s demise.

“I would get down on my hands and knees and kiss the feet of whoever would take it away,” he said, his words punctuated by a volley of deep pops echoing from across the water.

Since 1959, the New York Police Department has used the peninsula in Pelham Bay Park known as Rodman’s Neck for all manner of ballistic and ordnance-related exercises — target practice, training maneuvers, blowing up of unwanted explosives.

And for just about as long, the residents of City Island, a sort of seafarer’s Mayberry largely isolated from the annoyances of big-city life, have cursed the daylong barrage of booms and rat-a-tats. (Except for the detonation of confiscated fireworks around the Fourth of July. “That’s kind of fun,” Mr. Binder said.)

Then again, there are some who seem to be suffering a sort of Stockholm Syndrome:

“For business, it’s bad,” said the woman at the cash register of the City Island Diner, who would not give her name. “We’ll miss them. The cops are good guys, and they come from all over the place.” As for the noise, she said: “It’s like living next to the subway. You get used to it.”

Up the street at JGL Wines and Liquors, the news seemed to disturb the very order of things.

“Holy mackerel!” said the proprietor, who would not give his name.

His friend Yolanda Cirulli, who had fixed him a lunch of penne aglio e olio, did not know what to think. First Ms. Cirulli, a member of the City Island Civic Association, declared victory, recalling her years of battling the noise. But then she thought of the cats and dogs who live on the firing range and whom she cares for.

“There are at least 25 cats there,” she said, “and those policemen, they love the cats. They treat them very well. What’s going to happen to them?”

JGL’s proprietor added: “Let me tell you another bad thing. When there’s trouble here, the cops are here, instantly. And tons of guys. Last year a guy crashed his motorcycle on the corner. In five minutes, there must have been 50 cops.”

Location Scout: City Island.

I suppose being the singing bus driver is not such a big deal what with naked cowboys and all, but still you have to wonder what riders thought the first time he tried doing it:

Queens bus driver Gerald Seabrooks likes to make his passengers feel right at home, serenading them on their birthdays, anniversaries and announcing stops on his Flushing-to-Bayside runs.

In his seven years as an MTA bus operator, he has won over 30 commendations for his safe driving record and commitment to customer service. But what sets him apart from his fellow drivers is his singing. “I sing to help my passengers feel comfortable,” he said, as he drove a Q13 bus last Saturday afternoon.

. . .

As his bus approached the corner of Northern and Parsons Boulevards, Seabrooks reached for the black phone hanging near the fare box and crooned in his smooth baritone over the public address system: “Parsons Boulevard. Parsons Boulevard. Parsons Boulevard.”

He sang happy birthday at regular intervals along his route as well. “Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear March. Happy birthday to you.”

To soothe short-tempered feelings or arguments, Seabrooks says that he has used a popular Burt Bacharach/Hal David song made famous by Dionne Warwick. “What the world needs now is love, sweet love,” he sang. “It’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.”

And (of course!) there are CDs to sell:

Support from his passengers also inspired Seabrooks to produce his own collection of music. “It gave me the courage to put my voice on a CD,” he said. Seabrooks produces his own music, where it is available for sale through the Web site www.cdbaby.com.

There’s the issue of the man who somehow stole $3.6 million from the city to buy jewelry:

In more than a year, a Brooklyn man stole $3.6 million from one of the New York City comptroller’s bank accounts, the Manhattan district attorney’s office said yesterday.

Tracy Ball, 49, made 604 electronic transfers from the bank account to a jewelry retailer, Jewelry Television, which shipped him diamond earrings, bracelets, necklaces, and watches, according to investigators.

But this is probably worse:

Even after a year, the comptroller’s office did not notice the money was missing from a fund used to pay workers’ compensation claims. Jewelry Television noticed that Mr. Ball was making multiple purchases in a day and contacted the bank, JP Morgan, which in turn contacted the comptroller, a spokeswoman for the Manhattan district attorney, Jennifer Kushner, said.

. . .

The assistant district attorney prosecuting the case, Andrew Seewald, said it wasn’t yet clear how Mr. Ball gained access to the bank account. Mr. Seewald said Mr. Ball had been arrested on a federal charge in the past, but he did not give details.

Mr. Ball worked for a homeless shelter and addiction recovery group in Greenwich Village called Project Renewal and would sometimes have the jewelry shipped to his work address on East 3rd Street in Manhattan, the district attorney’s office said.

Investigators charged that Mr. Ball would at times make purchases in bulk. On March 11, for example, he ordered 10 pairs of diamond earrings, 15 diamond necklaces, and 15 gold necklaces in the span of 12 minutes, the district attorney’s office said.

When police came to Mr. Ball’s house to arrest him, he was watching Jewelry Television on a plasma screen, Mr. Seewald said. Officers recovered $30,000 in cash and about 100 pieces of jewelry.

What costs $1 billion? Half of the proposed 7 train extension . . . most of the new Yankee Stadium . . . twelve minutes of war in Iraq . . . oh, and a new police academy:

The city’s police department is set to get a new $1 billion training academy in Queens to replace its dated and cramped facility, which opened when President Johnson was in the White House.

The new site, on which the city is aiming to break ground in 2009, will be a state-of-the-art, college-style campus that will include a mock streetscape and subway platform for terrorism drills, a firing range, and dozens of other facilities.

Mayor Bloomberg referred to the planned 30-acre site as a “single public safety campus,” and said one of its biggest virtues will be its capacity to consolidate the academy’s three main programs under one roof. For years, they have been scattered across three boroughs, requiring teachers and cadets to commute a triangle of roadways.

“We estimate that building a new training campus will cost over $1 billion,” Mr. Bloomberg said. “Now, that sounds like a lot of money, but this is a smart and essential investment.”

Sounds like a lot of money? Eh . . . what’s another $1 billion?

*Apologies to Steve Guttenberg, who is in fact still alive.

The idea that an arbitration panel is to blame for what seems more and more like the worst contract ever* seems hard to believe:

With city cops among the worst-paid police in the nation, NYPD officers are increasingly turning down promotions to sergeant — because the pay raise isn’t big enough.

Under the contract imposed by a state arbitration panel in 2005, rookie cops are paid $25,100 a year while in the academy. Their maximum base pay tops out at $59,588 after seven years.

Cops promoted to the rank of sergeant earn just $61,093 — not even $2,000 a year more to compensate them for the increased responsibilities.

Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly said yesterday the pay scale has had “significant ramifications.”

“What’s happened is all the raises have been compacted. They’ve been stretched out. So the desirability . . . of moving ahead in the ranks has been, I think, impacted,” Kelly said.

Of the 20,867 officers eligible to take the Feb. 3 sergeant exam, only 3,856 sat for the test — and just 255 passed.

By comparison, 7,154 of 22,927 eligible officers took the test in December 2003, the last time it was offered before the current police contract was imposed. From that pool, 1,729 became sergeants.

. . .

A cop who recently passed the sergeant exam said he considered not taking the test because of the poor pay. “It’s like, what’s the point?” he said.

The reluctance of many cops to seek a promotion comes as officers are leaving the NYPD in large numbers for other departments that pay more.

And the best news:

City Hall and the Patrolmen’s Benevolent Association are battling over a new contract. But the talks broke down repeatedly, and the negotiations are now in arbitration.

*See also, for example.

Apparently he planned to teach them Coltrane:

A jazz bassist and martial arts expert charged two years ago in an elaborate undercover terrorism investigation pleaded guilty yesterday to plotting to teach would-be Qaeda operatives how to wage jihad with hand-to-hand combat.

The man, Tarik Shah, 44, entered his guilty plea in Federal District Court in Manhattan. In exchange, he will receive a reduced maximum sentence of no more than 15 years.

The plea by Mr. Shah, who is from the Bronx, brings to a close his involvement in a wide-ranging federal sting operation that reached its height in May 2005 when an undercover F.B.I. agent posing as a recruiter for Al Qaeda met him in a ground-floor apartment near the Grand Concourse. There, the government says, Mr. Shah discussed a failed attempt to attend a terrorist training camp in Afghanistan and then, in words that were secretly recorded, pledged “bayat,” or allegiance, to Al Qaeda.

. . .

Mr. Shah’s conversations with the informer drew the interest of investigators, which intensified in December 2003 when he was arrested in Yonkers on charges unrelated to terror. The police discovered in checking his car phone the numbers of two men whom the F.B.I. had already identified as suspects in terrorism investigations.

Shortly after that search, Mr. Shah met again with the informer, who told him of a warehouse on Long Island that Mr. Shah could use for his martial arts training. Mr. Shah, the government says, was intrigued and offered the informer details of his own secret militant ambitions, claiming that his life as a jazz musician was his “greatest cover.”

Even while imprisoned and awaiting trial, Mr. Shah, who grew up listening to Cannonball Adderley records, continued to practice his music. He and his brother, Antoine Dowdell, a jazz pianist, would sometimes sing and scat in an isolated visiting area of the Metropolitan Correctional Center in Lower Manhattan.

Impressive . . . and rather dramatic:

A London teenager ran away from home, crossed the Atlantic, and was missing in New York last night, police said.

George Lenon, 17, got into an argument with his parents, Sheila and Andrew, at their home on Monday, according to authorities. He headed for the airport and hopped on a plane, using a ticket he purchased with his own money, law-enforcement sources said.

He arrived at Kennedy at 9 p.m. Monday and later cleared customs.

On the customs form he filled out at the airport, he indicated he was planning to stay at the Alexander Hotel, on the Upper West Side.

Police said that they did not know whether the youth ever arrived at the hotel on West 94th Street, which caters to young foreign travelers, particularly those from England.

The New York International Auto Show attracts a rough crowd:

As the New York International Auto Show opens its doors to the public tomorrow, law enforcement officials and car companies will be ramping up security — and concerns go beyond terrorist threats.

In the past decade, the week-long auto show at the Jacob K, Javits Convention Center has been the site of a stabbing, numerous thefts, such as of gas caps and fuses, and multiple acts of vandalism, including slashed cushions and key-scratched doors, an official at General Motors who works at the convention each year said. The official asked not to be identified.

There has been a distinct increase in security levels over the past three years, since an alleged gang member was arrested for inciting a riot in 2004, Sergeant Ken Cano of the New York State Police, the department in charge of policing the state-run convention center, said.

As the press descended on the convention center yesterday, security was light. It isn’t until Friday, when the show is opened to the public that crimes generally occur, officials said. Mr. Cano said Easter Sunday is an especially popular day for criminal activity.

New Yorkers’ wallets are bulging but it’s not a sign of a more robust economy:

The city distributed 5 million free condoms in the month after it unveiled a new subway-themed wrapper earlier this year.

That was triple the number of condoms the city gave away in the month before the Valentine’s Day launch of the brightly colored package.

“The NYC Condom is a sensation,” the city’s health commissioner, Dr. Thomas Frieden said yesterday.

According the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, 800 establishments, including bars, theaters, and restaurants requested the free condoms between February 14 and March 14.

Look for the Department to partner with the Parks Department to determine how many of these have actually been used.

Meanwhile, the New York Post’s Carl Campanile must be publicly rebuked for composing this lede:

The city’s free subway-themed condoms have rubbed New Yorkers the right way — a staggering 5 million have been handed out since Valentine’s Day, the Health Department said yesterday.

Earlier: Next Up, The Newark Condom.

Location Scout: The Ramble.

How unlikely is it that you’ll ever be able to afford real estate in Manhattan? Basically impossible:

Pity upper-middle-class Manhattanites. The average sales price of apartments here has spiked so extremely — tripling in the last decade to a record $1,295,445, according to a recent Prudential Douglas Elliman report — that only the most excessively well-heeled can become local owners.

Dottie Herman is the president and C.E.O. of that massive Elliman brokerage, yet her betrothed niece can’t find a Manhattan apartment. “Her fiancé said to me, ‘Gee, I don’t think it’s fair: We’re both professionals, we both went to college, and we’re not going to be able to find something in Long Island,’” Ms. Herman said, “‘and we’re not going to be able to find something in the city.’”

. . .

It’s uncouth to fret over rich people who can’t afford to buy a leafy Manhattan pad when there are over 30,000 New Yorkers living in shelters, and when the top-10th earners have the highest share of national income since pre-Depression America.

And yet: Back in 1997, when the average annual wage here was about $59,200, the median co-op cost a wonderfully appropriate $196,000. According to the state Department of Labor, that wage stat only rose to $84,200 in 2005, when the median co-op cost $635,000.

Last year, that median price blossomed by another $40,000.

. . .

According to Ms. Herman, $150,000 per year is enough income to become an island homeowner. “It’s not going to be on Central Park South, but I’m sure you can find something in Murray Hill. You can find things — a one-bedroom, 700, 800 square feet.”

Indeed, Upper West Side mortgage-broker Susan Gersh calculated that $130,000 is about the minimum income for a $600,000 apartment buyer with a 30-year mortgage — and 20 percent readily available up front for the down payment.

Therefore, a prospective Manhattan homeowner not only needs to be among the top 10 percent of Americans in income, but also must have gobs of saved money, too.

“If you have about $250 to $300 [thousand] in the bank, and you’re buying something that costs $600,000, you’re just there if you’re making a buck-fifty,” said associate Elliman broker Matt Gulker.

Pied-a-terrible.

The most expensive buildings in New York are all about location (and location and location) — just not the locations you’d think. It turns out that real estate people like being close to Metro-North trains:

Most of [the most expensive] buildings, if sold today, would eclipse the $1.8 billion record that 666 Fifth Avenue set when it closed in January. . . . Most of these buildings are near Grand Central Terminal. Others are either on or just off Fifth Avenue, and one is located downtown. According to those interviewed, Rockefeller Center would, all together, sell for more than $8 billion, and the G.M. Building by itself would clear $4 billion.

Which is to say, architectural gems like 200, 245 and 277 Park Avenue (don’t worry if you don’t recognize those addresses) are the big draws for real estaters:

Hey, what about those other icons piercing the sky? Why didn’t the Empire State Building or the Chrysler Building — or even the Woolworth Building — make the list of New York’s priciest?

Well, real-estate people aren’t aesthetes.

Something that New Yorkers regard as an engineering disaster — the MetLife Building girdling Grand Central Terminal, for instance — can be, for real-estate people, the gold standard for office towers. Why? A building like MetLife was designed specifically with bloated rent checks in mind, while the Woolworth Building’s tiny floor plates certainly were not. And higher rents mean higher sales prices.

The Empire State Building has its own issues, like a decades-long battle to attract tenants. It’s been the butt of jokes among real-estate brokers. (The Empty State Building! Ha!)

Not everyone dislikes the idea of reopening the Atlantic Avenue Jail:

When YaYa Ceesay’s dream of opening a soul food restaurant came true in 2003, business, at first, boomed. He had found a great spot along an up-and-coming stretch of Atlantic Avenue across the street from the Brooklyn House of Detention and quickly built a strong group of regulars.

He opened the doors each day at 6 a.m., and from then until after the lunch crowd headed back to work, his restaurant, the Soul Spot, was packed with correction officers, prisoners’ families, neighborhood residents and passers-by. Fish and grits, chicken and waffles, scrambled eggs, salmon cakes — you name it he served it.

But in June 2003, three months after his glorious introduction to Brooklyn, the jail closed and the breakfast crowd disappeared. Three months after that, Mr. Ceesay was forced to trim the Soul Spot’s menu, and he moved back its daily start time to just before noon.

When the prison population left, he said, about 20 percent of his customers went with it.

Now that the city’s Department of Correction has said that it wants to reopen the jail and double the inmate population in five years, Mr. Ceesay and many other nearby business owners are saying they will be more than happy to provide food or services to those who will work there or who will visit the people held within.

. . .

But not everyone is quite so happy that a jail that once held 700 inmates will hold more than 1,400 if plans become reality.

Some residents in the area said that what is good for the mom-and-pop businesses might not be so good for the moms and pops whose new condominiums, many worth several hundred thousand dollars, would be just down the street from the repopulated jail.

“Go ask the parents of the schoolkids who go to Packer who will have to walk past the jail on their way to the store for a bag of potato chips,” said Corey Baylor, an investment banker who moved into a State Street condo four days ago, referring to the Packer Collegiate Institute on Joralemon Street. When the jail closed, the area surrounding the corner of Atlantic Avenue and Boerum Place, where it sits, was trying to reinvent itself. It was an unremarkable neighborhood of gas stations and hunched old office buildings. Today it is home to some of the newest high-end apartment buildings in Brooklyn. There’s a sparkling new YMCA a block away from the old jail, a high-rise is being built next door and rows of condos line State Street a block away.

Location Scout: Atlantic Avenue Jail/Brooklyn House of Detention.