Gorgonzola As The New Government Cheese

Imagine that:

After nearly two years in Harlem, gourmet market Citarella became a bit more community-friendly last week by finally accepting EBT cards — what used to be known as food stamps. Though its five sibling stores still hold true to cash or credit only, the underpopulated 125th Street branch is making changes to accommodate the vastness of the neighborhood (and the fact that it’s located across from the General Grant Houses). “If people walk in and can’t afford it, they walk out,” says manager Charles Schillaci. “What good is that for us or for them? Our prices are comparable to those of other stores in the area.” The store sells both Gorgonzola tortellini and Goya black beans.

Give Him An “A” For Vision . . .

. . . and an “incomplete” for execution, but this is the kind of big government meddling that, deep down, everyone loves to see:

The seemingly endless stream of fliers, coupons, and menus stacked on front stoops and stashed in corners of apartment buildings would be a thing of the past in New York under a bill that would allow residents to bar distributors from dumping unwanted advertisements.

By posting a small sign or sticker stating: “This property does not want to receive unsolicited printed material,” a daily scourge for many New Yorkers would quietly come to a close.

“This is a first step in making sure that homeowners can do whatever they have to do without being bothered with circulars, and fliers, and all kind of junk they don’t want,” a Council Member Simcha Felder of Brooklyn said after hurling a heap of fliers and circulars on the steps of City Hall to illustrate the way front stoops appear to many New Yorkers arriving home from work.

. . .

Mr. Felder’s bill does not explain how the law would be enforced or how offenders would be penalized. He said distributors would be held accountable for ignoring posted signs, and suggested they be fined at least $100 for each home or apartment building given unwanted fliers.

Douchebag, Thy Name Is Jack

You just got caught hitting a 101-year-old lady, sort of a tough thing to live down:

After an eight-week manhunt, the cowardly crook accused of assaulting and robbing two grannies in Queens last month — including a 101-year-old — was collared yesterday.

And it turns out Jack Rhodes, who’s 44 and 5-foot-10, 200 pounds, doesn’t just prey on old folks — he is suspected of punching the 5-year-old son of another woman he robbed, a police source said.

Cops checking a report of a car break-in busted Rhodes at 9:40 a.m. yesterday near the corner of Carroll and Henry streets in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn. He was carrying a crack pipe, police said.

Rhodes’ elderly victims — Rose Morat, 101, and Solange Elizee, 85 — picked him out of a photo array and a conventional lineup, cops said.

“I am so sorry for what happened,” Rhodes said last night as he left the 109th Precinct.

When asked by a Post reporter if he enjoys beating up old women, Rhodes snapped, “No, I do not!”

And Rhodes’ fellow inmates seem to agree with conventional wisdom that he is one of the biggest douchebags ever:

Alleged “granny-basher” Jack Rhodes is confined to his Rikers Island cell for 23 hours a day to protect him from other inmates, officials said yesterday.

A guard shadows him during the hour he can leave his cell for exercise.

Word of the protective custody comes days after police took the unusual step of housing Rhodes, 44, overnight at the 109th Precinct for his own safety before his arraignment at Queens Criminal Court Saturday.

But the best form of justice comes from piling on:

A 44-year-old man who investigators say assaulted two elderly women during muggings — one of which was caught on video — was charged in those cases and in two other crimes, the authorities said yesterday.

The suspect, Jack Rhodes, was charged with two counts of robbery as a hate crime, according to the Queens district attorney’s office, because he singled out elderly victims.

(Is it really a hate crime to target the weak?)

Previously: “Jesus, What A Jerk”.

Bridge Apartments Redux!

The question is which is better — a pleasant six-lane expressway or a massive city-sponsored housing project on top of the six-lane expressway:

Residents of Carroll Gardens and Cobble Hill hailed a city plan that would build housing atop the nine-block-long Brooklyn-Queens Expressway trench that divides the neighborhoods from the Columbia Street waterfront.

The proposal is part of Mayor Bloomberg’s vision for a greener, more efficient, more crowded city, which he presented during an Earth Day speech at the Museum of Natural History on Sunday.

“[Decking it over] is a great idea, so long as we get [to add] some input and we’re sure that the housing is in harmony with our current stock,” said Buddy Scotto, the de facto Mayor of Carroll Gardens.

. . .

Back in August, a city consultant presented three possible ideas for the decking over the open-pit highway, ranging from a 200-unit, low-density rowhouse subdivision to a string of higher-density, 12-story buildings containing 1,500 units.

The pie-in-the-sky idea was given new life in the mayor’s Earth Day speech, which included 126 other green initiatives.

Overall, Bloomberg says the city must build 500,000 units of housing near public transportation by 2030 to make way for the expected one-million-person population boom.

“Our plan calls for doubling the amount of land available for possible housing development,” Hizzoner said in the Sunday speech. “We can do it by decking over railyards and highways, and using government land more productively.”

Have fun with that.

Yuck, The Dreaded Gowanus Haddock (Give Coney Island A Break Already!)

Those 500 gazillion free condoms have to end up somewhere:

A perfect storm of circumstances, including the less-than-perfect Nor’Easter last week, has sent a record number of condoms into the Gowanus Canal, according to volunteers at this week’s Earth Day cleanup of the canal zone.

The explosion in the population of “Coney Island whitefish” is not only due to a city giveaway of condoms in bodegas, coffee bars and bars all over Brooklyn. Environmentalists say torrential rains from the Nor’Easter sent far more untreated sewage into the canal than the typical April shower.

Thanks to New York’s antiquated sewage system, when it’s raining that hard, “whatever was in your toilet lands in our natural resources,” said Ludger Balan of Urban Divers Estuary Conservancy.