When Walls Blanket, And Cakes Condense

I don’t know what it means, but it sounds vile:

A reporter — this lucky devil — hit the restroom on Wednesday, but actually was on the receiving end of the blow: a “wall of smell” that blankets users in a uriny coating.

. . .

The stench gets worse when you enter the men’s room and are greeted by a quarter inch of fetid standing water that smells like pond scum. The toilet was backed up, forcing many users to shun the stall in favor of the urinal, caked in a residue of condensation.

Location Scout: McCarren Park.

Thieves Finally Realize That That Sleek Clipboard Thing People Are Walking Around With These Days Is Not Some Sort Of Census-Taking Device But Rather An Expensive Apple Product Worth Jacking

Although written in a quippy, generally entertaining style, I usually find the Brooklyn Paper crime blotter depressing and try to avoid it, as I want to believe that there is less crime than there probably is.

But sometimes it’s useful, like when it shows how long it takes technology to get stolen, which in this case is 55 days*:

Brooklyn has had its first reported iPad theft — a swipe that occurred near Fort Greene Park on May 28.

The 23-year-old victim told police that he was playing on the revolutionary tablet computer near the corner of Park and Waverly avenues at 7:45 pm when someone ran up behind him and snatched the device out of his hand.

*The iPad Wi-Fi model was released April 3, 2010.

If It Weren’t For Comstat You Wouldn’t Think Crime Was Down, And If You Don’t Think Crime Is Down Then You Don’t Know Any Better Anyway — Until You Get Mugged, But Then You’ll Probably Just Assume It Was An Aberration, In Which Case, Cool, Keep Cooking Those Books, Landsman

It’s like the Western District on The Wire but for reals (there’s audio, too!):

On December 8, 2008, he excoriates officers who failed to write enough tickets for double-parking, running red lights, and disorderly conduct, and who failed to stop-and-frisk enough people.

“I see eight fucking summonses for a 20-day period or a month,” he says. “If you mess up, how the hell do you want me to do the right thing by you? You come in, five parkers, three A’s, no C’s, and the only 250 you do is when I force you to do overtime? I mean it’s a two-way street out here.”

Later, he adds, “In the end, I hate to say it — you need me more than I need you because I’m what separates the wolves from coming in here and chewing on your bones.”

. . .

In another incident, an elderly man walked in off the street to report that someone had broken the lock on the cash box in his apartment and had stolen $22,000. When he reported the incident at another precinct, he was told that it was a “civil matter” and to call 3-1-1, the city’s complaint hotline.

What’s 700 Square Feet When You Can Basically Do Whatever You Want?

Earlier, the Post found an Atlantic Yard refugee who had been holding out without anyone knowing it. Now the attorney who led the charge against the Atlantic Yards project identified a condemned strip of land that hasn’t actually been condemned yet:

A piece of property about the size of a standard one-bedroom apartment in the footprint of the Atlantic Yards site was never officially condemned, says attorney Matthew Brinckheroff in an action filed in Kings County Supreme Court on behalf of the property’s owner.

Peter Williams Enterprises Inc., a company owned by Peter Williams, filed the lawsuit seeking a declaration of the ownership of a tax lot at 24 Sixth Ave., which includes a roughly 700-square-foot thin strip of land behind a former condominium, as well an above-grade parcel on top of that same building.

Location Scout: Atlantic Yards.

All According To Plan

This certainly inspires confidence that every tenant and property owner was treated with the utmost of sensitivity and the kind of careful attention that befits using eminent domain to chase people out of their homes and deny business owners their livelihoods:

Developers of the $4.9 billion Atlantic Yards project were thrown for a loop after a family emerged from a worn-down Brooklyn building last week — and demanded more money to get out of the way of bulldozers ready to raze the block, several sources close to the project said.

The holdouts, who lease apartments at 481 Dean St. in Prospect Heights, are asking for at least $170,000 more to move out of the footprint of the Nets’ new basketball arena.

. . .

Neither the developers nor officials from the Empire State Development Corp. were aware anyone was still living in the Dean Street home, according to two people close to the deal.

“These people were elusive — we didn’t even know about them until last week,” a source said.

Location Scout: Atlantic Yards.