Now If The New Tenant Is A Lehman Employee, You Could Get That Bad Boy On Drudge For Sure . . .

Nope, I don’t believe it. Except there it is, plain as day on Craig’s List and in the Brooklyn Paper:

Finding a cheap apartment on Bedford Avenue in Williamsburg? Priceless. Paying $550 a month to sleep inches from a toilet? A little disgusting.

Nonetheless, just such a humble abode turned up on Tuesday morning on Craigslist — with pictures, no less, of a room that fits little more than a bed, a sink, a shower, a mini-fridge and hotplate and, yes, that toilet, all inches away from each other.

Oh, and one more detail: there are no windows.

“Room is in basement,” the listing reads. “There is no separation between the bedroom and the bathroom.”

What did you expect for $550? A gap of more than six inches from the foot of the bed to the toilet? Are you some kind of Rockefeller?

If not, join the club. The landlord’s housekeeper, who showed the room to The Brooklyn Paper on Tuesday afternoon, said there has been lots of interest in the listing.

“We’ve gotten a lot of e-mails today [to come see the apartment],” she said.

But by sunset, the listing for the “prison chic” unit had been “flagged” by Craigslist for further investigation, possibly because a basement apartment with no windows is illegal.

Illegal or not, there could be another reason why the listing was de-listed. “The apartment has rented,” the landlord claimed when contacted by The Brooklyn Paper on Wednesday.

Drugs? Eh, It’s Just Kids. Sex? Whatever . . .

. . . but crapping on park benches . . . now you’ve got my attention:

At Lindower Park in Mill Basin, the grass and the trees are being uprooted by the birds and the bees.

But underage sex is just the tip of the iceberg at this park, located on Strickland Avenue, Mill Road, and East 60th Street, according to those who are familiar with the situation.

Teens aged 13-17 have allegedly been congregating at all hours in groups of up to 30, drinking — and later, driving — smoking, and using drugs.

Used condoms are becoming a more routine sight, and some kids even defecate on the park benches, according to a person whose relative is among the youthful congregants.

Not One, But Two

Someone please stop the headline writers at the Brooklyn Paper: Today there is both “Hookers to get BJ’s in a mall” (about plans to open a BJ’s box store in Red Hook) and “Oral text” (about an oral history project being undertakne by a Brooklyn high school) posted at the paper’s website.

Juvenile smut.

Runnin’ With The Devil

I found the simple life ain’t so simple:

The hours for Ikea’s free shuttle bus and water taxi will be reduced because of a drop in customers, said officials for the Swedish home furnishing giant.

Beginning Oct. 1, the buses and boats will cruise between downtown Brooklyn, Park Slope and Ikea later in the day and less frequently, officials said.

“After Labor Day, it [use of the service] kind of tapered off in the morning,” said spokesman Joseph Roth.

“We’re trying to make sure the service can be provided when needed, but we may find the winter is different than fall so we could adjust it again.”

The service, which began when Ikea opened in June, has drawn gaggles of commuters eager to take advantage of a free ride — many with no intention of visiting the store.

. . .

The slashed hours didn’t go over well with commuters or shoppers.

“I [am] . . . angry . . . they cut the hours for the bus,” said Nicky Jackson, 20, who uses the Ikea service to commute from her Red Hook home.

“It’s way better than the city bus.”

For Marquice Jenkins, the abbreviated bus schedule isn’t just an inconvenience — it’s a threat to his punctuality.

“You’ll probably be late to wherever you have to go,” said Jenkins, 20, a student who lives in Red Hook and rides the bus twice a week.

“It’s free, so you can’t really complain.”

Ironic Brooklyn Just Folded In On Itself

Just like a three-card monte game where the rube walks away a winner:

I was trying to find out from a very harried looking cameraman why a full film crew was following around the worst dressed group of young people at last night’s packed Semi Precious Weapons show at Rebel.

“They’re nobodies,” said the cameraman trailing them around the club. A friend whispered to me that they weren’t just any nobodies, they were the cast of the new The Real World in Red Hook. The lights, cameras, VIP status, bottle service and fawning by wannabe socialites was explained.

MTV had the kids well trained. “I’m sorry I can’t divulge that,” the cast members would tell me when I pressed them for any details on life in the Pier 41 house. But Chet Bannon, the Mormon who the producers are trying to have de-flowered, was too nice not to talk. By far the most suave of the yahoos, he was wearing an H&M scarf, Elvis Costello glasses and had his short blonde hair spiked. Best of all, he admitted that they were indeed the cast of The Real World.

“I love glam rock,” Chet told me as he sipped a Shirley Temple, “you just don’t see anything like it in Salt Lake.” As if on cue, Justin Tranter, the mascara-wearing, teased, peroxide-haired frontman of the Weapons, put a medallion around Chet’s neck, whispered something in his ear, then strutted off.

“Wow, that’s just so cool,” Chet — who’s engaged to a girl back home — gushed.

There was trouble in paradise, however, and the young man needed to get something off his virginal chest. “When we go to Williamsburg we get harassed. The hipsters throw things at us and say ‘Why are you here? Go home! Ten years ago none of them were there either.'” He looked hurt and wondered, “Why are the hipsters so small minded?”