Message To The Various Assholes Who Have Refused To Drive Me To Queens Over The Years And Then Could Care Less That I Shouted Their Medallion Number Into The Cold Night As They Drove Away Because They Know No One Will Ever Show Up At A TLC Hearing . . .

. . . including the dick who wouldn’t take us to the airport just the other day (if you’re truly “off duty,” turn on your fucking off-duty light and don’t pull up when we hail you*): I don’t believe you. I will never believe you. And when people like me believe a city regulatory agency over you, you’re in trouble. So quit complaining and take our credit cards already:

The average cabby works nine and a half hours a day. A cab’s busiest hours are 6 to 8 p.m. And even as the economy has fallen deeper into recession, the number of cab rides each day in New York has remained relatively steady.

Those are among the most vivid bits of information about the yellow cab industry to emerge from a trove of new data collected by the Taxi and Limousine Commission from cabs equipped with new computerized systems that record each trip and fare.

Among the more surprising findings is that credit cards may be saving the industry from feeling the worst effects of the recession.

“The credit card that we put in cabs has helped keep them afloat,” said Matthew Daus, the chairman of the Taxi and Limousine Commission.

By last November, every yellow cab in the city was equipped with a credit card reader — as a part of the new computerized system — and as a result, Mr. Daus said, many corporations that once ordered black cars for their employees have begun telling them instead to take a cab (which costs less) and charge it.

That has hurt the black car business, which was already reeling from the impact of the Wall Street crisis on its main customers, financial services firms. The black car business is down at least 30 percent, Mr. Daus said.

But the shift has helped yellow cabs and appears to have made up for lost business as tourism and air travel have slumped and the disposable income of ordinary New Yorkers has dwindled.

*And yes, I know the drill: Get in the cab before telling the driver where you want to go, but he caught me off guard as I was fumbling with the luggage (where did he think we were off to?)

I Thought We Had Helicopters For That!

Here’s something “shovel ready” that isn’t a gigantic waste of money. Let it die already.

“We Came In And Said We Can Do Anything We Want”

The Daily News declares open season on the vestigial (“not much more than figureheads”) Office of the Borough President — all of them.

In addition to U.S. Senate aspirations, Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer has two chauffeurs:

“It’s true that the office had changed,” he said. “There’s no Board of Estimate anymore. We came in and said we can do anything we want.”

So, Stringer said, he created a policy unit and hired experts to research problems and develop solutions in Manhattan.

He employs 57 people, the smallest staff among the borough presidents, and has an overall budget of $46 million. The bulk of that — $42 million — is capital funding he directs to city agencies for specific projects.

Stringer was planning to spend $1.5 million of those funds on interior renovations at his 1 Centre St. office, but scrapped the plan last fall “given the state of the economy,” spokesman Dick Riley said.

Stringer uses his $4 million operating budget to randomly distribute 200,000 newsletters in December and May each year. The newsletters prominently feature his photograph.

His office also bought two Kobra 400 shredders for $4,477.70 last June “to replace the malfunctioning ones that were in the office,” Riley said.

Riley said the shredders are used on “investment memos and confidential employee or constituent information as it becomes outdated.”

Stringer’s office pays two chauffeurs a combined salary of $115,000. Only Brooklyn has more.

Meanwhile, Marty “Fugheddaboudit” Markowitz has three chauffeurs:

Borough president Marty Markowitz is known for putting on a show, so maybe that’s why he spent $38,000 on a tricked-out SUV and pays three drivers to cart him around Brooklyn.

His brand-new $38,705 black Toyota Highlander Hybrid comes with four-wheel drive, a touchscreen navigational system, heated seats, a power tilt/slide moonroof, running boards and “VIP glass breakage sensors.”

It is one of nine taxpayer-funded vehicles in his office. The drivers all work full time and earn between $37,000 and $67,000 a year.

Staten Island Borough President James Molinaro dispenses with the chauffeurs and goes straight for the helicopter.

As a point of reference, the combined $450 million borough president slush fund* is larger than the 2008-09 City of Buffalo budget ($435 million).

*Yes, $42 million out of Scott Stringer’s $46 million goes towards capital projects like building parks — but what’s wrong with a legislative body deciding which parks to build? Why give one person the ability to raise his or her profile with major projects?

Piven, I Watched Interviews With Jeff Kolodjay, I Was Riveted By Jeff Kolodjay’s Harrowing Story, Jeff Kolodjay Bravely Waited For His Death While The Heroic Captain Instructed Him To “Brace For Impact” — Piven, You Are No Jeff Kolodjay

Piven — you Golden Globe-attending, Broadway-ditching, recession-widening slacker — you don’t deserve even a passing thought that the guy rescued from Flight 1549 bears even the slightest resemblance to you. So quit trying hog the limelight, you fraud:

Yes, one of the passengers on US Airways Flight 1549 bore a striking resemblance to Jeremy Piven — at least on some TV shots — but the “Entourage” actor was not on the plane.

Video footage of Piven’s doppelganger surfaced, spurring Internet rumors and calls to all the Golden Globe nominee’s own entourage.

“He’s totally fine,” the star’s rep confirmed. “He’s in New York, and he did ‘Good Morning America’.”

Alright Then, So Explain It To The Millions Of Us Who Aren’t Running For Mayor How This Is A Great Deal

It cheapens our sense of righteous indignation to say “Yankee Stadium Burdens Mayor’s Campaign” like it’s just a case of political posturing when the larger story is that much more egregious:

On Tuesday, the comptroller said the city had made a bad deal, a complaint that the mayor’s office dismissed as “political posturing.”

Without a doubt, politics is part of the invisible cost benefit analysis of the Yankees and Mets stadium deals — not only for those who now criticize them, like the comptroller, William C. Thompson Jr., who approved them in 2006, but also for those few who champion them, like Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg.

Such political values may not turn up on any public balance sheet, but it would be unwise to ignore them simply because they are invisible.

Suppose you are Mr. Bloomberg, your hopes of becoming president or vice president all but vanished. You have to step down as mayor in 2009 because a law that you unequivocally supported says you only get two terms.

How handy, then, to have powerful allies, like the developer, Jerry I. Speyer and the lobbyist, Howard Rubenstein, to convince other influential people that term limits will deprive the city of an essential leader during an era of financial crisis.

Mr. Speyer is building Yankee Stadium. Mr. Rubenstein represents the Yankees. Their stated case for Mr. Bloomberg never rested on the mayor’s support for the stadium, but on his qualities as a manager and their view that he would be the most capable steward of the city during hard economic times.

Mr. Bloomberg not only abandoned his own emphatic support for term limits, but his own opposition to corporate welfare for professional sports. After canceling deals made by his predecessor, Mr. Bloomberg has gone on to subsidize the most expensive baseball stadiums in the country.

. . .

There is far more to building a stadium than simply its construction. To replace the 22 acres of parkland the city turned over to the Yankees, to build sewers and roads that will support the stadium, the city will spend $325 million — money that will be borrowed by the taxpayers, leaving that much less for other public projects.

With interest, that $325 million could come to $700 million, an aide to Mr. Thompson said. The city must also pay to tear down the old stadium, a cost now put at $27 million. It is contributing $39 million toward a new Metro North station. (The Metropolitan Transportation Authority is paying another $52 million.)

Both Mr. Bloomberg and his predecessor, Mr. Giuliani, even gave the Yankees and the Mets a $5 million annual rebate on rent the teams were paying to the city for their old stadiums — money that could have restored at least some music programs to public schools, but instead was turned back to the baseball teams for the explicit purpose of planning ballparks that the public is paying for.

. . .

The city is proud of the deal, officials say, because it will create “1,000 permanent new jobs.” If you scratch into the official filings, it turns out that there are actually only 22 new full-time jobs expected. The rest are seasonal positions — valuable, certainly, but only if they really exist.

Location Scout: New Yankee Stadium.