Thor — Rawr! — Son Of Odin, Thrower Of Thunder, The Great Muzzler

Tenants set to be displaced by Thor’s all-powerful thunderbolt are under a strict gag order as per the terms of their lease with the developer:

A dozen business owners have vowed to stay mute about the amusement mecca’s future because of an airtight provision of their leases that threatens severe penalties for talking — even during crucial public hearings planned for this year.

“Everyone is going to have to shrug their shoulders and say nothing, and that’s exactly what they want,” said Dianna Carlin, owner of the now-closed Boardwalk shop Lola Staar Souvenir Boutique.

“They want to bulldoze through this whole thing,” she said of developer Thor Equities.

The sweeping clause in the leases — most of them signed by short-term tenants in buildings scooped up along the Boardwalk — threatens $10,000 fines for each offense and even eviction for squawking about “the redevelopment activities” on Coney Island.

The clause also bars attendance at parades, marches, other public events and petition signings until three years after the lease is terminated — demands that would conceivably keep tenants from speaking during a city-mandated public land review process this year.

Not to worry, though — Dick Zigun will pick up the slack:

Others doubted the clause would stifle opposition during a public review expected to go through Community Board 13, the borough president’s office and the city Council before reaching Mayor Bloomberg.

“If people need to sign a lease for one more year, that takes priority over speaking out in public,” said Dick Zigun, president of Coney Island USA, an arts and community group. “Coney Island has enough loudmouths, including me, to speak out about development.”

VERY SUNNY AND BRIGHT BUT YET WITH LOTS OF PRIVACY

Craig Newmark himself spends way too much time handling problems related to New York City real estate listings on Craig’s List:

In New York, real estate is a blood sport. It has always been that way. A few years ago, I started to notice that it was a problem, that we were getting a lot of complaints about [fraudulent ads]. So it is a special focus of mine.

New York is the only city where we have the $10 listing fee for brokers. In terms of time, I would say I spend maybe 20 to 30 minutes a day dealing with New York real-estate problems. A lot of what I do is make sure the right person is taking care of the problem.

That’s M’all, Folks

Shouldn’t at least someone out there mourn the potential loss of the Pier 17 mall? Or not:

South Street Seaport’s Pier 17 probably will be razed to make way for a retail, residential and open-space development, a spokeswoman for the property’s leaseholder said yesterday.

Though the company is exploring a range of options, the three-story shopping mall named for the pier upon which it was built likely will be demolished, said Cheri Fein, a spokeswoman for General Growth Properties, a Chicago-based real estate company that owns and operates more than 200 malls nationwide. Fein did not elaborate on the specific plans.

Asked how high a new structure might go, Fein said: “The lower you go, the less open space there is — but nothing has been decided.

“There is also the recognition that it is not just a land-bound place,” she said. “We want to make it 360 [degrees], so that it can be reached by the ferry as well.”

According to one person familiar with the developer’s initial plan, General Growth is considering a tall building for the site, and would build a ferry landing and relocate the landmark Tin Building of the former Fulton Fish Market. The rest of the pier would be left as open space.

. . .

Most waterfront advocates would not shed tears over the loss of the Pier 17 mall, a mix of chain stores, restaurants and specialty shops completed in 1983. The mall is a cumbersome structure, said Lee Gruzen of SeaportSpeaks, a group of local stakeholders.

Location Scout: Pier 17.

Who Left The Dogs Out?*

The esteemed Hotel Pennsylvania may close, leaving hundreds of Westminster dogs in the lurch and affording the Observer the opportunity to gratuitously mention “doggie style” in a headline (“Doomed Hotel Penn Sends Other Lodges Scrambling for Doggie Style” . . . ew!):

This year’s Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show was likely your last chance to romp around the wood-chip-covered “Green Room.” Or to leave your own personal mark on the bleach-stained carpets that line the loathsome two-star hotel’s hallways—or, better yet, on hotel flack turned “doggie concierge” Jerry Grymek’s pant leg.

The landmark hotel, which every year reserves its best service strictly for four-legged guests, may be history even before next year’s show.

A report last month by brokerage Grubb & Ellis indicated that Vornado Realty Trust, which owns the longstanding hotel site, plans to demolish the swing-era monument and erect an enormous office tower in its place. No pets allowed!

Vornado has been unabashedly unimpressed by the dog show’s unofficial host hotel for years, likening the building in a company report to “a placeholder, sort of like a parking lot” — which might help to explain the staff’s longstanding no-fear policy when it comes to fur balls.

But for every door that closes — into, say, a dark, dank, bedbug-infested room — another opens. Meaning, of course, that some dog-friendly hotelier could, er, clean up next year:

Shuttering the overly pet-friendly Hotel Penn will create a significant shortage in kennel-club-worthy rooms citywide, given the more than 1,000 dogs that reportedly roamed the 1,700-room venue this year.

“A lot of hotels in the area, they don’t take dogs,” Ms. Williams noted, “so it becomes a problem for people who come from out of town.”

In fact, only 12 of the 19 hotels recommended on Westminster’s Web site even allow dogs — make that 11 of 18 if you take away the Hotel Penn. (The other seven suggested are presumably for mere spectators.) And three of those so-called dog-friendly venues will only accept pooches up to a certain size. The Park Lane, for instance, won’t shelter pets larger than 10 pounds; Springer spaniels like “Best in Show” winner Felicity’s Diamond Jim would be left out in the cold.

None of the others are as big or as conveniently located as the Pennsylvania, which sits just across the street from the dog show’s home for decades, Madison Square Garden.

Even doubling up, those 1,000 displaced dogs would utterly overwhelm the nearby 532-room Radisson, located a mere block away along West 34th Street; it hosted a comparatively minor 200 or so dogs last week.

*See, now isn’t a family-friendly Baha Men reference so much nicer than a crude sexual reference?

Gowanus Expy Vus

A new benchmark for overpriced undesirable apartments may have been reached:

Just $3,600-a-month will get a luxury Brooklyn apartment with jaw-dropping, scenic views — of the truck-filled, exhaust-choked Gowanus Expressway.

Developers Jack Basile and Nick Barone are building a brownstone-style 10-unit apartment building with ground-floor commercial space in Carroll Gardens — just a stone’s throw from the elevated expressway.

In fact, their five-story building at the corner of Court and Garnett streets is so close to the highway that future tenants heading into Manhattan won’t need to check traffic reports before battling the morning rush, they can just step onto their terrace or peek out a window.

While the fumes and noise from passing vehicles could be a deterrent, Basile and Barone expect a lot of interest.

“The apartments will do very well because they have a Court Street address, which is desirable, and it’s great for people who can’t afford Manhattan but want that Manhattan feel,” Basile said.

“That Manhattan feel” — read: bedrooms with value-added car exhaust smell.