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How About Ramble The Rubber?

So this is what the Parks Department is working on these days:

Watch out, Mr. Met, the city Parks Department is looking for a new mascot that could become the hottest character in town.

The public is being asked to come up with ideas for a figure to represent the city agency, and cartoonish creations have already begun to flood into the department’s Central Park headquarters.

“Who — or what — should be the official mascot of the New York City Department of Parks & Recreation, and what is its name?” the agency asks on its Web site.

“Is it Nutty the Squirrel, Hudson the Hawk or Parker the Leaf? Is it another animal, person or object, or a previously unknown creature that emerged from the depths of New York City’s 29,000 acres of parks, gardens and forests?”

Some of the ideas Parks officials have already batted around include a duck with a ranger’s hat and a squirrel that unzips its fur to reveal a shirt with the Parks logo of a white leaf on a green background.

Posted: January 12th, 2009 | Filed under: You're Kidding, Right?

Some Things Just Probably Shouldn’t Be

$500,000-a-month rent? “Frivolous” seems like the wrong word here:

It could be the last call for anything at the storied Rainbow Room this weekend.

The ritzy watering hole, where generations of celebs from Frank Sinatra to Keith Richards have performed and partied, got an eviction notice Friday.

The Cipriani family announced last week that its restaurant operation at the Rainbow Grill would be suspended Monday due to the recession – but the bar would remain open and the dance floor would keep revolving.

But in canceling its lease with Cipriani, landlord Tishman Speyer Properties said there will be no more anything at the legendary nightspot as of Monday.

Tishman said it lowered the boom because the Rainbow Room was four months behind in $500,000-a-month rent.

Cipriani called the eviction notice a “frivolous” attempt by the owners to convert the Rainbow Room into more profitable office space and vowed to keep the iconic venue open until its lease expires in 2013.

Posted: January 10th, 2009 | Filed under: Well, What Did You Expect?, You're Kidding, Right?

“Free Brain Scans To Be Offered In Mall Parking Lot”

Forgive me if I’m a little skeptical, but the last time I was offered a free brain scan in the mall parking lot, it turned out rather badly:

Free brain screenings will be available in the Staten Island Mall parking lot, New Springville, on weekdays beginning Monday, through Jan. 26.

The screenings, provided by The Road to Early Detection, a project of the Brain Tumor Foundation, will be conducted in the “Bobby Murcer Mobile MRI Unit” — named in honor of the late former New York Yankee, who died last year of brain cancer — on the Richmond Avenue side of the parking lot.

Posted: January 9th, 2009 | Filed under: Followed By A Perplexed Stroke Of The Chin, Staten Island, You're Kidding, Right?

The Gretna Green Of The Northeast

Or take on Las Vegas, if you think all it takes to compete with good weather and slot machines is an oversize photograph of City Hall to be used as a backdrop for wedding pictures:

[W]ith revenues tight and tourist dollars desperately needed, the Bloomberg administration has created a 24,000-square-foot wedding palace, in the hope of increasing the number of couples who marry at the city clerk’s office.

“We want to be the wedding destination of the world,” said First Deputy Mayor Patricia E. Harris.

And it’s not just the $25 wedding fee the city is selling. Forget the wedding band? No problem. The new bureau offers an elastic faux-diamond band for $9. No flowers?

They are available as well — $4 to $7 for a single stem and $25 to $50 for a bridal bouquet. There is also hairspray ($4), disposable digital cameras ($16.25) and tissues, at $1.75 a pack, for the weepy types.

The $12 million project, overseen by the designer Jamie Drake, who did Madonna’s Los Angeles home and Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg’s Upper East Side town house, involved the renovation of an old Department of Motor Vehicles office up the street from City Hall.

Mr. Drake created two separate wedding chapels off the building’s central rotunda. In the east chapel, the sofa and walls feature apricot and peach colors; the west chapel is done in purple and lavender. Each chapel has an abstract painting that matches the walls and hangs next to the lectern from where the clerk performs the ceremonies.

Nearby bathrooms were turned into expansive dressing rooms, with full-length mirrors and long vanity counters lit by the soft hue of recessed wall fixtures.

The city has even set up an oversize photograph of City Hall to be used as a backdrop for pictures.

Bloomberg administration officials declined to estimate how much money the weddings would generate. But the city’s marketing agency, NYC & Company, has already struck a partnership with TheKnot.com, a Web-based wedding clearinghouse, to create travel packages that would include a ceremony at the bureau followed by a weekend in a hotel.

“I have a warning for Las Vegas: You better watch out,” said Carley Roney, founder of TheKnot.com. “With these new digs, there might just be a new world wedding capital.”

Posted: January 8th, 2009 | Filed under: New York, New York, It's A Wonderful Town!, Project: Mersh, You're Kidding, Right?

The Can-Do Spiritualism Of Capitalism

No, this doesn’t sound desperate at all. Not in the slightest. I’m not worried about the economy like at all. No sir [whistling past graveyard]:

When hypnotist Selena Valentine snaps her fingers, the economy will still be in the toilet, but that hasn’t stopped dozens of New Yorkers from paying her hundreds of dollars for a trance to strike it rich.

. . .

After playing Frank Sinatra’s “I’ve Got You Under My Skin,” on her iPod, Valentine told the professionals who paid the $20 admission to relax their way to riches.

“Go on a journey to your inner self, your inner being,” the busty Valentine said, circling the room in her Louboutin pumps.

“Just allow your inner you to relax. Allow your whole body to relax.”

Financial adviser Amal Gawle, 30, said the meeting interested him because he’s trying to start off the new year with a professional edge.

“My job is performance related, and 2008 was a terrible year in the financial markets,” he said. “I’m trying to stay ahead of the game in 2009 so that I can outperform those around me.”

To better look the part of a millionaire, Gawle said he was wearing his “Donald Trump” suit. Hypnosis was not an act of desperation, he insisted.

“I don’t think you can call anything a last-ditch effort, or else you go on to feeling like that’s it and there’s nothing else left,” he said.

Posted: January 8th, 2009 | Filed under: Things That Make You Go "Oy", You're Kidding, Right?
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