You Shoulda Seen What He Did With The Oysters

Brooklyn special — lobster freshly fallen off the back of a truck:

A cook at Brooklyn’s famed Junior’s Restaurant was charged with larceny yesterday after co-workers caught him with 15 frozen lobster tails stuffed down his pants and into bandages around his legs, cops said.

Prep cook Raymundo Flores, 40, was spotted in a walk-in freezer by colleague Adam Marks, allegedly taking lobster tails and stuffing them under the bandages early Sunday afternoon. After Marks alerted co-worker Joe Hanson, both men stopped Flores and called 911.

Police arrived and found the 15 tails hidden on Flores, whom they arrested.

Authorities said that staff at Junior’s — where twin lobster tails sell for $29.95 — had recently noticed lobster tails missing from the freezer.

Many things come to mind . . .

1) Is there a market for stolen lobster? That seems dangerous. Especially in this heat.

2) Isn’t the suspect at risk for frostbite on some very delicate parts of the body?

3) Lobster at Junior’s is apparently frozen, not fresh; must stick to cheesecake.

Historical Reenactors Return To East Village For Summer Tourism Season

For in ye olde timey times, the locals once hoisted placards railing against “yuppie scum”:

Among the seasonal developments that signal the approach of summer in New York City are the ascent of lifeguards into wooden chairs on Rockaway Beach, the appearance of seersucker suits in Madison Avenue store windows and the formation of long waiting lines for tickets to Shakespeare in the Park.

But in the East Village, where people commonly sunbathe on tar-paper roofs, black leather is in season year-round and the street theater is always free, the calendar change is observed in other ways, with soap box speak-outs, self-organized street demonstrations and parades — usually against gentrification and its perceived agents.

And so it was that Friday night signified the opening of the East Village summer social season as 100 people gathered on East First Street to protest what they said was the sterilization and overdevelopment of the Bowery and the nearby streets, once one of the seedier districts in the city.

“This is the biggest crowd I’ve seen in a while,” said Jerry Wade, a veteran of many East Village demonstrations. “We used to have things like this all the time.”

John Penley, a local photographer, organized the event and advertised it as a “protest march against real estate developers, landlords, yuppie wine bars and Republicans.”

The starting point was the Bowery Wine Company, a sleek bar partly owned by Bruce Willis, which has been a meeting place for a Republican club. It stands just a few hundred feet from where CBGB, the renowned punk rock club, operated for 33 years before closing in 2006 after a dispute with its landlord.

The wine bar opened in March inside the recently built Avalon Bowery development, which takes up almost an entire block, including the former site of an abandoned schoolhouse that was used for years as a studio by monks who practiced martial arts. Later, squatters stayed there, referring to it as the Kung Fu Castle.

Operation Bubba Gump

The U.S. Army is preparing for its full-on Toys ‘R Us Times Square experience:

In August, the military plans to open its first Army Experience Center, a combination recruiting center/video arcade/retail store to promote serving your country.

Rumored to becoming to Times Square, it’ll be like the Disney Store, except with guns and camouflage.

The 14,500-square-foot center will be a multimedia extravaganza with high-tech gadgetry, including flight simulators and life-size soldier video games.

That person greeting you at the door? That’s an actual Army officer.

While the Army will sell a small amount of merchandise at the venue, the focus is on building “brand experi ences” that give poten tial recruits a taste of military service.

No, Really, I Like Teenagers Smoking Pot Underneath My Window In The Middle Of The Night

Most people don’t mind if the cops bust people loitering in front of your home. Not this guy:

A drug-law reform activist spent a night in jail after hurling abuse at cops in an attempt to stop them from collaring pot-smokers outside his Greenwich Village home, police said.

As undercover cops nabbed the two dopers Thursday night, Randy Credico allegedly burst from his Gay Street home and screamed, “You guys are really solving murders out here? Why don’t you guys get a life! F- – – you all! You can’t tell me what to do!”

Credico admitted to The Post he was trying to prevent the arrest of the teens.

“I’m constantly warning kids not to smoke pot on that street,” Credico said. “These cops are making Mickey Mouse pot arrests — what a waste of time and money.”

Credico is the director of the William Moses Kunstler Fund for Racial Justice, which documents arrests for marijuana violations.

The Second-Coolest Thing Tony Avella Will Get In The Paper For This Week . . .

. . . after the resolution supporting a ban on the foie gras industry in New York state is being the keynote speaker at National Pigeon Day:

A group of pigeon-loving bird watchers wants New Yorkers to thank their feathered friends today for all the “charm” they drop on Gotham.

“National Pigeon Day” is set to be celebrated in Central Park this afternoon, with songs, prayers and speeches to honor this proud bird — not the “rats with wings” once decried by Woody Allen.

Organizers with the New York Bird Club insist that our feathered neighbors are completely misunderstood.

The pigeon proceedings get under wing 4 p.m. at Pilgrim Hill, near the park entrance at Fifth Avenue and East 72nd Street.

City Councilman Tony Avella (D-Queens) is set to be the event’s headline speaker, in a bid to strengthen his hold on the pigeon-loving electorate.

. . .

“The fact there is a National Pigeon Day shows pigeons have been of service to this country,” said Avella, and cited the pigeon’s roles in World Wars I and II as messengers.

“People have to remember that they are decent animals . . . and that they are part of the environment.”

. . .

“Pigeons give a city a wonderful flavor. They are part of the charm and they belong there,” organizers said.

“They are often a city child’s first contact with nature and an elderly person’s only friends.”

Annotation: Contrarianism is the defining feature of this decade, a scourge not easily abated, bring on the electrified subway trusses.