Now We Know What Borough Presidents Do . . .

. . . basically put themselves in perfect position to become mayor, by defining leadership:

Fifth Avenue, the glittering central spine of Manhattan, is the undisputed divider of the city’s famous street grid: east of Fifth is East, and west of Fifth is West. Been that way since 1838.

So when Scott M. Stringer, the borough president of Manhattan, was walking along Fifth Avenue by Central Park this week, he noticed something peculiar: every bus stop sign on the sidewalk seemed to be wrong.

A stop across the avenue from East 84th Street was identified as “5 Avenue & West 84 St.” Same for the stop at Fifth Avenue and “West” 72nd Street. The peculiar signage continued all along the length of the park.

Mr. Stringer, who deemed the signs misleading, sent a stern note on Tuesday to the city’s Transportation Department, demanding that the apparent errors be fixed.

It is unclear, however, whether the signs are in error at all.

If You Can’t Beat Them, Give Them One Of The Piers To Piss And Crap On

The State Parks Department buckles in the face of a highly organized, powerful and ruthlessly self-interested lobby:

After years of being smacked on the nose for their four-legged infractions, Long Island City dog owners are finally being allowed to sniff some fresh, park air.

Gantry Plaza State Park has long been off limits to pooches, but that will now change after area elected officials brokered a deal with state parks officials for a six-month trial run. The trial run opens up Pier 4 to K-9’s during certain morning and evening hours.

Dopey dog imagery aside, the only “breath of fresh air” has been the New York State Department of Parks, whose regional directors know that too many of the dog owners of Long Island City are boorish, selfish, disgusting canine custodians who treat the parks there as their own backyard — and not one of the nicely appointed backyards but rather one of those gross backyards with fossilized dog shit landmines every couple of feet.

But no, elected officials had to step in to “broker a deal” and “protect the interests” of people who shouldn’t be owning outdoor animals in the first place.

Many dog owners simply ignore the signs that are already there. And the State Parks Department is correct that dog owners can’t handle stopping their pets from pooping and pissing in the park. Dog owners let dogs poop and piss in all sorts of places you would hope they wouldn’t: walls, trees, bags of trash (nice to do to hard-working Sanitation employees, by the way!), your front stoop. Face it, the only reason dog owners want access to the park is to allow themselves an aesthetically pleasing backdrop during their animals’ bathroom breaks. And when you allow that, they’re going to let those beasts poop and piss there, too.

But again, our elected officials, huge pussies they are, in effect overruled the professionals in charge.

You need a pet in an urban area? Get a fucking cat! That way it can poop and piss in your house and not all over mine.

Earlier: The Silent Majority Needs To Speak Up.

Location Scout: Gantry Plaza State Park.

Cost Efficiencies Finally Fully Realized In Department Of Transportation Sign-Saving Plan

The other way to look at it is that DOT correctly anticipates demographic trends:

The shuttered St. Anthony of Padua school on Leonard Street — whose “No parking–school zone” signs are still in affect and snaring drivers even though the school has been closed for five years — will re-open this year, meaning that soon the parking tickets will at least be legit.

Buried Lede: Daily News Writer Shows Off Cute Little Psychedelic-Colored Pipe In Paper

No really, check out the associated photo: “Hallucinogenic herb salvia doesn’t pack much punch, except for ‘Singing in the Rain’ moment”.

Venn Will You Know Not To Eat Somewhere?

Venn Yelp starts isolating both hipsters and foodies in the same precious spots around town:

Yelp, the “real people, real reviews” Web site, this month added a new option in its “ambiance choice” drop-down menu: hipster.