If You Can Find 300 Crabs In Newtown Creek, You’re Set For The Year . . .

I’d like to meet the person who eats even one crab from Newtown Creek:

Brooklynites should be wary about eating anything they catch in Newtown Creek because of high bacteria levels, said state scientists, who recommended that women under age 50 and children under age 15 refrain from consuming any fish caught in the waterway. Men over age 15 and women over age 50 should limit their intake of North Brooklyn seafood at one meal of bluefish, carp, and bass per month, and no more than six crabs per week, the study said.

Greenpoint boaters welcomed the news.

Location Scout: Newtown Creek.

We Are All Mr. Met Now

Mets pitcher R.A. Dickey on the dirty little secret about Mr. Met, which is that he doesn’t seem to do much of anything:

The longtime Flushing favorite was chosen as the nation’s No. 1 sports mascot based on his likeability, familiarity and several other factors.

. . .

[. . .] Mets knuckleballer R.A. Dickey was a bit surprised by the choice.

“There’s no scooter he rides,” Dickey said Tuesday. “He’s not breaking the other team’s helmet into pieces. Maybe the appeal is that he’s like everybody else. He walks around just like they do.”

See also: Mr. Met.

“Eendraght Maeckt Maght” Is Russian For “Buddy, Throw Some Teal In There!”

It’s the Spinal Tap Black Album of basketball logos:

The main event at the news conference was the unveiling of the new Nets logos. The simple black-and-white designs prominently feature the word “Brooklyn,” all but trumpeting the fact that the players’ new jerseys are, well, no longer linked to New Jersey.

The two insignia were created by the rapper Jay-Z, who owns part of the team, and designed to resemble the black-and-white tiles and typeface of old New York subway stations. The first is a triangular shield with a basketball inside it emblazoned with the letter B and the word “Brooklyn” inscribed in capital letters underneath. The second is a circle with a letter-B basketball and the words “Brooklyn New York.”

Nostalgia For When Basketball Franchises Were Made Of Wax, Except It’s Not Nostalgia, And It’s Now!!

The really interesting thing will be when Brooklyn finally discovers irrelevance:

New York City: Where Real Estate Closings Resemble Episode Three Of Jersey Shore

Which Episode Three? That shouldn’t matter:

“A lot of people in this city have gotten what they want by being emotional.”