Solution: Ban Seeded Bagels

This could rival the War on Brunch for municipal stupidity, except I think the Health Department probably just needs more cash for a new campaign against another food additive. I don’t know how else to interpret the agency citing a bagel shop for having too many sesame seeds on its floor:

A Health Department spokeswoman said the bagel shop was cited on Oct. 23, 2011, for “a heavy accumulation of seeds in the same area that many mouse droppings were found.”

No mice were detected in an earlier inspection on Aug. 1, 2011, and none were found in the latest inspection on April 5, when B&B was awarded the highest cleanliness grade of “A.”

Now, [the bagel shop owner] and his son [. . .] have invested close to $900,000 in larger stainless steel preparation tables — in hopes of containing seed fallout — and an expensive water-filter vacuum to suck up the seeds from the floor.

So You Have Mayor Bloomberg And NYC & Co. To Thank When Your Child Asks You For $1100 A Month To Keep The Dream Of Post-Collegiate Greenpoint Alive

Two-thirds of the way into Ginia Bellafante’s column on what draws people to New York is this sociologist’s explanation of the city’s appeal:

But the past few years, defined by economic challenges, have seemed only to burnish the city’s appeal. An analysis of American Community Survey data by Susan Weber-Stoger of the Queens College Department of Sociology reveals that more people moved to New York City (over 223,000 of them a year on average) after the financial crisis in 2008 and through 2010 than did from 2005 to 2007, an increase of 10 percent.

. . .

When I discussed some of these numbers with Miriam Greenberg, a sociologist who has written extensively about the branding of New York, she cited the highly strategized efforts the current mayoral administration has made to sell the city to the world.

There’s nothing a third term can’t do!

One More Example Is All We Need To Make New York City Resemble A Cranked-Out Exurb Somewhere In Flyover Country

First manhole covers, now tree pit grates:

Thieves ripped away iron guards protecting roughly 20 trees on Restaurant Row, the Times Square Alliance announced Friday, one day after ConEd revealed the theft of more than 30 manhole covers were stolen around thfrom around the city.

Brooklyn Jumps Shark, Steals Shark’s Wallet And Cellphone, Then Gives Shark A Wet Willie, Because Of Course Sharks Have Ears, Too

Despite widespread dissent about the so-called War on Brunch, even at the highest levels of Brooklyn local government, Brooklyn’s Community Board 1 doubles down, and looks fucking stupid in the process:

Community Board 1 public safety chairman Tom Burrows asked neighbors to join his fight and help monitor illegal brunching activity at a 94th Precinct council meeting in Greenpoint on Wednesday.

“If you see restaurants serving brunch on the sidewalk before noon, call 311!” said Burrows — who has come to play the role of General Patton in the escalating conflict. “I didn’t pass the law, but that’s the law.”

Oh please.

Truer Words, Etc.: “It’s Going To Be A Symbol That Long Island City/Queens Plaza Is Open For Business”

So here’s how the “slippery slope” works . . .

When the shitty warehouse with the “iconic” Pepsi-Cola sign on top of it in Long Island City was going to be demolished about ten years ago, people clamored to save the sign because it was part of the area’s industrial past. Only a very few people wondered why anyone was giving free advertising to a corporation. This wasn’t just a dopey sign, but giant 40-foot neon along the East River in plain view of hundreds of thousands of people.

Most people got all mushy about old signage — which is understandable — people love old shit, no matter how egregiously commercial it once was.

So the sign was saved, which is like, whatever, it’s just a dumb old timey-time sign. Anything to make a really fucking ugly waterfront look a little less like Battery Park City. All well and good and whatnot.

But then something truly disgusting happened: A sleazy airplane company extorted the city for concessions to keep their company in New York, and the politicians in this dumpy borough sold out the shitty skyline in Queens Plaza to this company. Why? Because it’s part of the supposed “tradition” of shitty commercial advertising in the Manhattan-facing neighborhoods of Queens. Fuck these people:

Despite early concern from Community Board 2 members, the airline company JetBlue received unanimous approval from the City Council Monday to build a 40-foot backlit sign on top of its new headquarters in Long Island City.

“I think it’s going to be a visual reminder of the continued transformation and resurgence of the Dutch Kills/Queens Plaza area, and I think it’s going to be a symbol that Long Island City/Queens Plaza is open for business,” Councilman Jimmy Van Bramer (D-Sunnyside) said.

. . .

The 40-foot backlit sign would be shaped like the company logo in a similar fashion to the Silvercup Studios and PepsiCola signs located elsewhere in Long Island City.