We Are All Pay To Play Now

Also known as “bringing home the bacon and then getting generously tipped for doing so,” I feel like we’ve heard this story before. Indeed, it’s back again:

A Daily News review of campaign contributions to City Council Speaker Christine Quinn identified more than 200 contributions — totaling $126,789 — from the top employees of nonprofits slated to snag Council money from her this year.

With public matching funds, those contributions are worth $242,055 to the speaker’s 2013 mayoral bid.

The public matching fund part is a nice touch — like double dipping almost!

Quinn got $847,464 in discretionary spending for FY2012 (see clickable map here), almost a 30 percent return on her, uh, our investment. I wonder which member is giving us the best return — someone should figure that out . . . and I’ll gladly vote for that member for public advocate.

Sure, The Vestigial Office Of The Borough President Might Soak Up Precious Municipal Resources . . .

. . . but it also serves as a creative outlet for five of the most enthusiastic boosters in the city . . . is a useful stepping stone for higher office . . . produces official maps? . . . oh, and of course the best thing about the vestigial office of the borough president is that it provides plenty of good copy for those always entertaining beep-in-your-bonnet pieces in the New York Post:

They get chauffeured to the office, hobnob at community barbecues, attend ribbon cuttings and concerts, and — in the case of Brooklyn Beep Marty Markowitz yesterday — attend canine weddings.

Markowitz was actually supposed to officiate the nuptials of Jack, a puggle mix, and Penny, a miniature poodle, at a benefit for the Brooklyn Animal Foster Network in Prospect Park. But when he sniffed the media was around and might mock yet another of his pointless public appearances, he fled like a frightened poodle.

MoMA’s New $25 Admission To Help Unravel Country’s Social Fabric

Because clearly the only way to mitigate a steep admission hike is to get divorced:

“What about a family with two children?” said [a 60-year-old] interior designer from Manhattan. “That’s already $100.”

Location Scout: MoMA.

Do Not Pity The Poor Squirrel; Rather, Let An Alleged Band Of Homeless Poachers Eat Them And Rid The Park Of The Scourge (Pigeons, Too, Now That I Think About It)

This seems like a win-win sort of thing but whatever:

Cops have busted a group of oddball poachers in Prospect Park — a band of vagrants that was trapping and eating ducks, squirrels and pigeons.

. . .

“This is a dodgy group,” said [a park-goer], who spotted one of the men catching a pigeon while his friend started a fire. “They are the most threatening people in the park.”

The disheveled — and possibly homeless — tribe in question uses “makeshift” fishing poles and traps to catch the critters, then grills them over the fire, according to park watchdogs.

311 Finally Begins To Pay For Itself

Putting the eye on the street to good use:

When a city paving contractor caused minor damage this spring to the sidewalk in front of his Great Kills home, [a Staten Island man] and his wife [ . . .], dialed 311 to start the repair process.

What they got was a visit from an inspector — and then a summons and an order to fix it.

To their disbelief, a similar story played out among their East Brandis Avenue neighbors, all of whom say the situation stinks like hot asphalt. “They rammed it with the machine and all of this buckled up,” [the wife] said, pointing to a slightly raised concrete slab in front of her driveway. “The point is that what they’re saying we have to now fix is exactly what they did.”