And Then In My Dream The Entire Van Beardswick Section Of Brooklyn Started Sporting Mullettes . . .

So the Inscrutable Bag Of Grunt seems to be losing his "baby hair," meaning the hair that came out with him on day one. (I keep thinking of how the characters on Up All Night were grossed out by watching a video of childbirth: "It's like hair coming out of hair!")

We now know that it's normal for a baby to lose his hair before the for-reals stuff grows in. The only thing is that it's a little unsettling to see a newborn with apparent male pattern baldness.

At first, Grunt's hair sort of looked dignified — a widow's peak, like Minor Threat-era Ian MacKaye — or maybe even Richard Nixon. Then it started to leave his head and he began looking more like Ed Harris or, say, Scott Adsit on 30 Rock.

In the last couple of days Animal's hair has dwindled to a dainty copse on the top and what seems like a small mullet in the back. I don't know that anyone has tried to do a hair style that was only the mullet, but this comes close. Jen thinks it looks like a friar's hair, but that was so three days ago.

So one of us — it doesn't matter who — took a look at this "hair" and decided that maybe we should do something about it. In other words, take Charles Barkley's advice to LeBron James to heart and just shave it. (Get shaved!)

Which all sounds well and good until one of us — it doesn't matter who — was like, "You can't shave a baby's head!" And the other one — it doesn't matter who — was like, "Why not?" And it went back and forth like this until one of us — it doesn't matter who — finally said, "Why don't you call the pediatrician and ask him if he thinks it's a good idea to shave a baby's head bald?"

That spawned a new guideline for us: Would this be something you felt comfortable asking a medical professional about? And if the answer is no, then you probably shouldn't consider doing it. It's a variation of what they tell you about posting crap online: Would that picture on Facebook of yourself shotgunning beers be something you'd want a future employer to see? You get the idea.

In our case, I think we've decided to let nature take its unfortunate course. And perhaps we might invent a new hairdo: The "Mullette" or "Bro" as the hair also basically resembles a backwards visor.

Posted: February 10th, 2012 | Author: | Filed under: The Cult Of Domesticity | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

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