It Could Be Worse: You Could Have Gotten A Remainder Copy Of The Latest Zuckerman Novel

Nothing says "thanks for sucking it" like an autographed baseball:

Yankee star Derek Jeter, one of New York's most eligible hunks since his split with longtime gal pal Minka Kelly, is bedding a bevy of beauties in his Trump World Tower bachelor pad — and then coldly sending them home alone with gift baskets of autographed memorabilia.

The Yank captain's wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am kiss-offs came to light when he mistakenly pulled the stunt twice on the same woman — forgetting she had been an earlier conquest, a pal told The Post.

"Derek has girls stay with him at his apartment in New York, and then he gets them a car to take them home the next day. Waiting in his car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball," the friend dished.

I will never look at my signed Jeter baseball the same way again.

The Philip Roth anecdote comes courtesy of Nora Ephron, by the way, who reported it second hand, albeit in a book.

Posted: December 13th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: The Thrill Of Victory And The Agony Of Defeat!

Tyler Kepner Needs To Publicly Apologize For Being So Lazy When He Evaluated The NL West

It's instructive to see just how crappy baseball writers' predictions can be. Take the New York Times' staff: Teams like the Red Sox (granted, there's some outside chance they could salvage this horrible year, but still . . .), White Sox, Twins, Dodgers, Reds and Rockies are bandied about as projected winners. And the Marlins. Are they fucking kidding? Tyler Kepner has Jon Lester and Tim Lincecum winning their respective leagues' Cy Young Awards. Excusable, but David Waldstein actually has the Dodgers beating the Angels in the World Series. I mean, come on.

Tyler Kepner needs to be called out in particular. Yes, preseason predictions are fraught but the way he automatically had the Arizona Diamondbacks finishing last means that he just wasn't watching enough Arizona Diamondbacks baseball at the tail end of 2010.

You might ask yourself, "Who in God's name would want to watch late-season 2010 Diamondbacks baseball?" Fair enough. But if you're bothering making predictions in The New York Times you should at least realize that there was no way the 2011 Diamondbacks would be anywhere near as bad as the 2010 team. The 2010 Diamondbacks had one of the worst bullpens in the history of baseball. They set the major league strikeout record with about a week to go in the season. But a few things changed toward the end of the season: They fired their 30-something manager who had never played in MLB, a few starting pitchers — including 2011 Cy Young contender Ian Kennedy — started to blossom and the front office trimmed a bloated payroll. In the offseason they jettisoned strikeout record-breaking third baseman Mark Reynolds, trading him to the Orioles for a solid setup man and a promising pitcher. In short, there was no way the 2011 Diamondbacks were going to be as bad as the 2010 version.

I thought they'd be about .500. Instead they won the NL West. And they did this even after losing All-Star-caliber talent Stephen Drew to a season-ending injury, arguably their best player.

In a season with more than one ridiculously awesome moment, last night was probably the coolest so far . . . as they say at the link, "Babe Ruth and Ryan Roberts will always and forever be on the same short list":

That Kirk Gibson-esque arm pump wasn't only awesome because it was in front of the Dodgers — it was awesome because Kirk Gibson now manages the Diamondbacks. Roberts said he'd been waiting all year to do it.

Oh, and by the way (to use one of Kevin Blackistone's favorite phrases), Kirk Gibson is so clearly Manager of the Year it's ridiculous. Good for him . . .

Posted: September 28th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: The Thrill Of Victory And The Agony Of Defeat! | Tags: , , , , , ,

The Thrill Of Manipulating Wikipedia, The Agony Of Seeing It Quickly Erased

Here's when you know the Wikipedia is firing on all cylinders. Brother Michael Wikipediaed Philadelphia Phillies leftfielder Raul Ibanez after his water-monstrous walk-off home run in the bottom of the tenth inning on Friday and found these Wikipedia embellishments:

Raul Ibanez Wikipedia Entry, 7/9/2011

Raul Ibanez Wikipedia Entry, 7/9/2011

Of course the "Philadelphia Phuckin' Phillies" line is nearly self-explanatory — Philadelphians are phond of replacing "Fs" with the more phonetic "Ph" and the F-bomb can probably be traced to Chase Utley's post-World Series win rally speech at Citizens Bank Park back on Halloween 2008:

There's nothing like cursing on live television, but seriously, don't shoot the messenger — that was the greatest sports speech ever.

As for the water monster, I can't explain it so easily. Just embrace the fact that a very lovable 39-year-old outfielder is still ripping shit up.

Posted: July 10th, 2011 | Author: | Filed under: FW: Link, The Thrill Of Victory And The Agony Of Defeat! | Tags: ,