Soft Heads And Hard Ones

I very much enjoyed the latest viral video of a man snaring a foul ball while holding a baby:

Just a couple of questions though. One, because while society — we! — applauds — applaud! — fathers who put their children at risk of severe injury or possibly even death in order to catch a foul ball, where are the mothers here? Those heads are soft!

And that's not to say that I wouldn't try to catch a foul ball if I were holding my child — I imagine nothing could be more satisfying than fulfilling your parental responsibilities while picking off a screaming line drive into the seats. Because when it goes right, it really goes right. The guy in San Diego actually has nothing on the Cubs fan who caught Michael Morse's foul ball while holding an infant, the Braves fan who caught a foul ball while holding an infant, eliciting applause from shortstop Andrelton Simmons or even the Texas Rangers fan who did the same (while holding a baby).

I guess it's just that when it doesn't go right, then it really doesn't go right. Like with this guy:

One thing you'll notice between the successes and failures is the age of the baby. When it comes to those miraculous YouTubable catches, the babies seem pretty young — some just a matter of months it seems. And the one thing we know about kids this age, maybe the only thing we understand about kids this age is that they're veritable sacks of flour. In fact, soft heads aside, I bet it's easier to make those catches with a baby than with a beer, much less a full tray of food, between your legs.

If the baby is older, you run the risk of having him or her lunge after the ball him or herself, or grab at your glasses while you're trying to track the ball, or even stick his or her fingers in your nose while you're trying to catch it. Which is why some things — like having HBO on after midnight while you feed your son a bottle — are best left to immobility and developmental immaturity.

Which is to say, this season I would have tried catching that ball. Next season, I'm sitting way up in the third level far, far from where foul balls travel. I'm happy not to have gotten away with one this time.