Annotated Twitter: Proving Yet Again How Essential Sleep Is To The Healthy Function Of The Human Brain
May 1, 2015
Status: Practically sleepwalking, getting ready tomorrow morning and afternoon without realizing it.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 1, 2015
Actually kind of scary: I turned on the stove, like I was making breakfast. This was the month of lack of sleep.
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May 3, 2015
The NYCFC chant sort of makes it sound like people are rooting for New York Chlorofluorocarbons.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 4, 2015
Seriously, it went "NY! CFC!"
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May 5, 2015
Would like to ask that new Amazon doodangle to do something but I can't remember what its name is.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 5, 2015
It's "Alexa" and I don't understand how the ads for it running today — that says its name out loud — don't, uh, turn it on from the TV. (Jeez, what if it did do this, Manchurian Candidate style, and wreaked havoc remotely?)
So I totally just googled how long leftover sushi lasts. Answer: not as long as leftover chicken.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 5, 2015
Everything is worth a shot.
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May 6, 2015
New Rule: Blake Griffin is always allowed to pick up his pivot foot.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 7, 2015
I can't find a clip online; it was brilliant. Self-reflective note: example of exhibiting weakness of creative mind/facile adherence to rules.
Sad that Chicago's Club Foot has closed because that's a really funny name for an establishment.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 7, 2015
Came across this in my day job and it was very funny to me, assuming a lot less funny to Chicagoans.
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May 7, 2015
How is it that sea urchin is a delicacy while street urchin is something to avoid?
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 7, 2015
"Urchin" is in the eye of the beholder.
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May 8, 2015
Unsuccessfully tried to teach son how to open childproof packaging.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 8, 2015
You think your child is brilliant, until they're not.
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May 9, 2015
I would totally hyphenate "Sharp-Dressed Man."
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 9, 2015
Just got done complaining about Obama's "middle-class economics," and got to thinking.
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May 11, 2015
Maya, say it ain't so . . .
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 11, 2015
Man, I wish I could remember what this meant. Pretty sure it had something to do with something on TV on Sunday night but I have no clue what.
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May 12, 2015
You know what? Fuck the month of May.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 12, 2015
Again, no clue. [Googling historic weather stats] Oh, right: it was going to be 87 that day.
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May 13, 2015
I don't know how many fucking ESCOs there are out there but it seems like every goddamn one has called us.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 13, 2015
For the longest time, I was convinced that those solar power calls were people trying to get you to switch energy providers. I finally looked up spoofed caller ID numbers and felt embarrassed for hollering at these people.
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May 15, 2015
Gleaned from too much ESPN: Mila Kunis' Angel's Share bourbon pitch sounding creepily similar to Viagra fuck me ads aired directly after.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 15, 2015
After a while, every commercial starts looking like a Cialis ad.
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May 16, 2015
Urban Dictionary Fri nite trend: cheeky nandos, sex, bye felicia, donkey punch, cleveland steamer, smh, rusty trombone, blumpkin, cunt, cum.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 16, 2015
LOVE that they offer this feature but also assume that these are the trending Urban Dictionary topics like all the time; had to look up "bye felicia" and "cheeky nandos." Definitely did not have to look up "sex." Have a pretty good handle on the rest.
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May 17, 2015
I just had to consent to allow Yahoo to show me results for "pork shoulder vs pork butt" just in case something I saw was somehow untoward.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 17, 2015
The big question was why I was using Yahoo — must have been upset at Google right then or something.
OK, Yahoo, you are fucking morons: "pork shoulder vs pork butt" has nothing to do with what you're showing me.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 17, 2015
Yup, it's still the case: Google Images gets it right while Yahoo images mixes in lord-knows-what-the-fuck, though this image (it's a barbecue image, believe it or not) treads a fine line.
The scheme of things was a shabby scheme.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 17, 2015
Sounded brilliant at the time, I'm sure.
America, you get the Mad Men series finale you deserve.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 18, 2015
Series finales are always disappointing, except for Friday Night Lights.
Alternate ending: Yoga smile cuts into Clara Peller's "Where's The Beef?"
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 18, 2015
Mad Men, the hill, Don Draper's slick fucking mug, then Bam!:
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May 18, 2015
She omits some very fantastic stuff wch I know abt wch wld destroy much of the character of the heroine; but what is that anyhow in writing?
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 18, 2015
Object lesson in why 140-character limits are LAME ("wld"? "wch"?). This was Ernest Hemingway talking about Beryl Markham's West With the Night and apologizing, I think, for (lack of a better concept) defemininizing her persona in the book.
Things I hate: the fucking weather.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 18, 2015
Let's see, let me guess, a muggy early spring day? . . . [checking] . . . yup.
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May 20, 2015
In midst of world imploding around us, feeling very thankful I don't have to rely on boutique PR firms to pitch to the media on my behalf.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 20, 2015
Forget what was happening exactly, but it occurred to me at some point how badly timed some pitch emails are.
Skimp on sleep and become a cranky piece of shit using this one weird tip.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 20, 2015
Oh, I see — this comes 20 minutes later . . . overworked, overtired.
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May 21, 2015
So far, no one online seems to have advice for how to hold smoked pork butt for 18 hours.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 21, 2015
No clue how it happened, but it cooked so fast, then all of the sudden the Googlebots know you're how shitty a pitmaster you are.
Oh, wow, guys running into fences and sliding on bellies to catch balls. I'm fucking overwhelmed.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 21, 2015
Sometimes baseball highlights are so fucking boring. Sorry.
Worse than having a song stuck in your head is having a 30-second sample of a song stuck in your head, repeating endlessly, like crazy.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 21, 2015
I blame my son for this, not the artist, or even the music service. But really, I blame myself mostly.
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May 29, 2015
The funny thing about the fancy cilantro hair conditioner is that it smelled like soap.
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 30, 2015
Not my joke, but it came from this household.
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May 31, 2015
I don't just have asparagus, I have "beautiful asparagus."
— Bridge + Tunnel Club (@batclub) May 31, 2015
Is it just me, or is good asparagus always described as "beautiful"? I don't know if it's just an exuberance about things that happen in spring or if it perhaps reveals something deep-seated about our relationship with flowering vegetables or what, but it sort of reminds me of how critiques are often withering and onslaughts are almost always veritable.
