New Yorkers Beaten Down Into Submission After Years Of Crazy-Making Alternate-Side Parking Rules

And now they don’t know what to do now that alternate-side parking has been temporarily suspended while the Department of Sanitation replaces street signs this summer:

Park-Anywhere Day arrives Monday, with the indefinite suspension of alternate-side parking rules in Park Slope, and no one knows just what to expect, with bring-it-on bravado and it-can’t-get-any-worse resignation meeting just-you-wait-and-see predictions of the worst. The city announced the suspension in Park Slope this week, to give workers time to change 9,200 parking signs. In the meantime, drivers may park along the curbs of Park Slope without being forced to move their cars as they did up until now, often twice a week for three hours at a stretch.

Rosemary Fine, 47, a coffee shop owner born in Limerick, Ireland, plans to greet the new day in high style.

“I’m going to pop open a bottle of Champagne, sit in my car and celebrate!” she said on Thursday. “What if that’s what all the Park Slopers did on Monday, we went into the streets with Champagne?”

But elsewhere, outrage.

Another seasoned immigrant, Marlyse Henchoz, who did not give her age, stopped sweeping in front of her home and said, “Terrible.”

“Whoever thinks up these schemes, I don’t know what they are thinking,” she said. “That’s why I want to move back to Switzerland. They couldn’t do this. We have referendums and we vote.”

. . .

The Department of Transportation estimates that the suspension will last a few months. So after the Champagne is gone, there will be several lingering questions about what people are and are not allowed to do with their vehicles.

City law prohibits “street storage” of vehicles: “When parking is not otherwise restricted by posted signs, no person shall park any vehicle in any area, including a residential area, in excess of seven consecutive days.”

The police said Thursday that they did not have records of how often such a ticket was written, or how such a violation could even be tracked, short of cumbersome surveillance of every vehicle.

. . .

One benefit of the new signs in Park Slope will be that alternate-side rules will now be in force only 90 minutes once a week, down from three hours and twice a week.

But even that concept seemed to backfire with some residents, like Barat Ellman, 49, a university Bible instructor.

“I work out and plan my work schedule based on car parking,” she said. “Ninety minutes may be too short of a time to be able to get things done and move the car. We’ll see.”

Real World: Canarsie

Do it, do it, do it, do it:

It seems that Brooklyn might not be ready for the “The Real World.”

The MTV reality series is heading to the borough for its 21st season, possibly starting production this summer for four months, says Jim Johnston, the executive producer of the show.

Johnston says the network is considering various areas that are Manhattan-accessible — Greenpoint, Williamsburg, Dumbo, Park Slope, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn Heights, Carroll Gardens, Red Hook and even Coney Island — but nothing is locked down.

“Just the sound of ‘The Real World: Brooklyn’ [has a ring to it],” Johnston says.

Because Of Course You Take The Bus To IKEA . . .

There’s a reason you wait until the last minute to publicly address traffic and parking concerns:

IKEA officials yesterday revealed plans for how they plan to pacify Red Hook, Brooklyn once thousands of shoppers start heading there daily on June 18 when the Swedish home-furniture giant opens its first New York City store on the Beard Street waterfront.

Highlighting the transportation improvements arranged specifically for the new IKEA is free water-taxi service to and from lower Manhattan.

The service, to be provided by New York Water Taxi, will run every 40 minutes during store hours, said store manager Mike Baker. Water taxis will dock along a 6.5-acre public esplanade that IKEA had to build behind the store to help garner elected officials’ support for the controversial $100 million project.

Other transit improvements will include beefed-up bus service and free shuttle service connecting to the three closest subway stops, which are still over a mile away.

. . .

Red Hook itself is fenced off from the rest of the borough by the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel and Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, and even the nearest highway entrance on the BQE is over a mile away from the 346,000-square-foot store.

IKEA is offering 1,400 parking spots, although the project’s environmental impact statement estimates about 14,000 cars arriving on Saturdays. [Red Hook Civic Alliance co-chair John] McGettrick says he believes it will actually be 20,000.

But IKEA spokesman Joseph Roth said he expects most New Yorkers to leave their cars home and use the new transit options.

For example, IKEA is offering free shuttle service every ten minutes from three subway stations: Borough Hall/Court Street in Downtown Brooklyn, Smith/9th Street in Carroll Gardens, and 4th Avenue/9th Street in Gowanus.

And the Metropolitan Transportation Authority is extending the B61 and B77 bus routes to stop directly in front of the store.

There Must Have Been A Film Shoot Scheduled

More NYC & Company overreach:

Tree-lined Henry Street was briefly turned into one long billboard, but Brooklyn Heights residents erupted after seeing commercial banners on the mostly residential street, so the city removed them.

On Monday, banners reading “Brooklyn loves to shop” were hung on lampposts from Clark to Montague streets — and locals slammed the commercialization of the strip.

“I absolutely detest them,” said Veronica Rylander, 48. “They’re so out of place here above all these houses. I feel like it cheapens the look of the neighborhood.”

For Liana Schwartz, 36, it wasn’t the aesthetics, but the practicality of the banners that provoked her disdain.

“I just don’t even get why they’re hanging here,” said Schwartz. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to put them Downtown or on streets where there are actually places to shop?”

After The Brooklyn Paper started asking local officials about the appropriateness of posting ads in a residential corridor, the banners were taken down and relocated to commercial Court Street on Wednesday morning.
Brooklyn Bridge Realty

The banners — which are sponsored by Greek natural skincare company Korres, which just opened on Montague Street, and NYC& Co., the city’s tourist board — also annoyed people who think tourism officials don’t get Brooklyn — or maybe get it too well.

“They put those signs on Henry because they know there are lots of cars speeding through here,” said one man.

In Case You Needed Further Confirmation That The Securitization Industry Is Kaput . . .

Law firms forced to slum it in Brooklyn:

The Atlantic Yards project may be falling apart on Bruce Ratner, but the developer released some big news for his Metrotech office complex Downtown: the Manhattan law firm of Weil, Gotshal is moving to Brooklyn.

Forest City Ratner Vice President Mary Anne Gilmartin made the announcement at the Brooklyn Real Estate Roundtable on Tuesday that the 500-lawyer white shoe firm would soon relocate to Metrotech.

“It’s a paragon shift from back-office to more-discerning tenants,” she said.

Update . . .

Highlighting the importance of keeping up appearances (as in, the economy actually grew 0.6 percent last quarter so we’re doing very well, thank you very much), the law firm denies the horrible accusation:

The Atlantic Yards project may be falling apart on Bruce Ratner, but the developer released some big news for his Metrotech office complex Downtown: the Manhattan law firm of Weil, Gotshal is moving part of its office to Brooklyn.

Forest City Ratner Vice President Mary Anne Gilmartin made the announcement at the Brooklyn Real Estate Roundtable on Tuesday, but said that the 500-lawyer white shoe firm would soon relocate to Metrotech. That turned out to be untrue, as a press release from the company said only some back-office staffers would relocate to 15 Metrotech, which is on the office complex’s commons, between Myrtle Avenue and Tech Place.

[Gersh, you’re killing me, buddy — here I am ready to sit down with a tall glass of scotch and then . . .]