May You Never Recoup Your Initial Investment

At least they didn’t eat it:

A box turtle that has for years crawled through backyards in Williamsburg was discovered last week painted a sickly orange, with neighbors blaming construction workers next door with ample time and spray paint on their hands.

Photos of the poor turtle, known as Myrtle, in her new Technicolor shell were first posted on the blog The Gowanus Lounge, and caused a cascade of vitriol on the site.

“Whoever did this should rot in hell,” wrote one commenter. “We live in a world of sociopaths,” commented another.

Myrtle the Turtle was discovered painted orange in a backyard next to a development that has long been an irritant to longtime residents. They have complained of demolition work, cracks appearing in the walls of their homes, and ripped out phone and cable lines.

The developer of the residential project at 5 Roebling Street, Shlomo Karpen, could not be reached for comment.

The owner of the building next to the development has for years been keeping turtles in her backyard. Meredith Chesney, who lives there, says the practice is something of a neighborhood folk custom.

She said she believed that the turtle escaped through a hole in the fence left by the construction work and wondered onto the site.

Many in the neighborhood said they thought that the appearance of a traffic cone-colored terrapin symbolized all that had gone wrong with their area.

But Everyone Knows White People Can’t Jump . . .

I don’t get it:

Disturbing, gang-like graffiti is cropping up all over a Brooklyn elementary school, marring a playground, classrooms and two teachers’ cars, authorities said.

The troubling words “Jump White People” and abbreviation “JWP” have appeared at Public School 224 in East New York about a dozen times in the past three weeks, and some teachers are concerned that it’s not being taken seriously.

“It just quietly gets erased,” one teacher said. “Nothing gets done.”

The words were also scrawled in marker on a Snapple machine, desks and several walls, prompting four students ranging in age from 8 to 11 to be disciplined, cops said.

But the graffiti has continued to surface since the in-school suspensions. As recently as Wednesday, a staff member found JWP in a closet, a source said.

And teachers worry that the markings are not just a prank, but instead show that the kids are mimicking gang culture at a young age.

Think “The Squid And The Whale” With Like 50 Percent Less Awkwardness And None Of The Jewishness

If by “pizzazz and energy” you mean inflexible food co-op rules and double-wide strollers, then yes, it will surely be a hit:

Producers are giving Park Slope the star treatment with a pilot by the same executives who brought “Sex and the City,” starring Sarah Jessica Parker, and “Melrose Place” to TV.

According to industry sources, Darren Star, who created those smash shows, has teamed with Sony and NBC for a proposed series about a group of affluent characters who live in the upscale Brooklyn neighborhood.

Sue Kramer, who wrote and directed the 2006 romantic comedy “Gray Matters” starring Heather Graham, Bridget Moynahan and Molly Shannon, is writing the script.

“It’s an hour-long dramady,” Kramer, who lives in Park Slope, told Page Six.

“It takes place in Park Slope and Park Slope is one of the characters in it. Park Slope has so much juice, just like Manhattan. It’s got a lot of pizzazz and energy.”

Showered In Mystery

Crazed ex? Pissed off creditor? No one knows:

Residents of a block in Boerum Hill have known for months that rogue urinators were defiling their street, but they never had the proof to convince local police of a scatological conspiracy on Dean Street — until now.

A two-liter container of human urine, complete with syringes bobbing in the waste, was found Sunday morning between Bond and Nevins streets — and the repulsive find was finally enough to prove to cops that residents were being tormented by micturating hellions and not merely dogs with overactive bladders.

“It’s absolutely gross,” said Joseph Samulski, who had the misfortune of finding the container on his front steps. “I don’t even know how you could accumulate that much urine.”

But on the brighter side, “It was the first time we were able to establish what we’ve been saying on our block — that someone has been pouring urine on cars.”

. . .

The pissing match broke out on the day of the block party last September, when several people emerged from their homes near the Nevins Street end of the block to encounter an overpowering stench of liquid waste on the street and in one man’s pickup truck.

Since then, that pickup truck has been showered at least two other times.

“Thankfully, whenever it happened, my truck needed a good washing anyway,” said good sport Kevin McGowan.

Howdy Pardner, Welcome To Ye Olde Timey Time

Now that Red Hook has passed its prime, it’s ready to be Wyominged*:

A reborn Cheyenne Diner could be serving up bison burgers, French fries and chocolate egg creams on Brooklyn’s Red Hook waterfront by the summer.

Preservationist Michael Perlman said Monday a contract has been signed to move the Cheyenne, one of the city’s last rail-car-style diners, to the Borough of Kings.

The Cheyenne, a landmark at 33th St. and Ninth Ave. in Manhattan for more than 50 years, closed April 6 to make way for a nine-story residential and commercial development.

Perlman, who formed a committee to save the diner, said Mike O’Connell of O’C Construction, the son of noted Red Hook developer Greg O’Connell, is the buyer.

*As in.